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Started By
Message
Tried to watch Jupiter Ascending on Netflix
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:16 am
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:16 am
Yes, I did go into it knowing it was an awful movie. Sometimes I like watching really bad movies.
Wow.
What a complete pile of shite.
I made it about halfway before I had to stop and switch to Kung Fu Hustle.
About all I took away was Channing Tatum was a half wolf/half human warrior who had flying shoes and he was trying to protect Mila Kunis who can control bees. They are in the middle of a war with K-mart Stephen Hawking, Deuce Bigalow Alien Gigalo, and a woman who I kept thinking looked like the Highgarden queen from Game of Thrones.
I made it about halfway.
I don’t recommend it.
Wow.
What a complete pile of shite.
I made it about halfway before I had to stop and switch to Kung Fu Hustle.
About all I took away was Channing Tatum was a half wolf/half human warrior who had flying shoes and he was trying to protect Mila Kunis who can control bees. They are in the middle of a war with K-mart Stephen Hawking, Deuce Bigalow Alien Gigalo, and a woman who I kept thinking looked like the Highgarden queen from Game of Thrones.
I made it about halfway.
I don’t recommend it.
11
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:19 am to Scruffy
It's fan fiction with decent special effects. A toilet scrubber wrote a screenplay.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:20 am to Scruffy
There’s so much wrong with that movie just from the cover of the movie 
This post was edited on 8/5/19 at 8:21 am
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:25 am to The Pirate King
I still can’t tell if it was trying to be a pre-teen romance movie or not.
It doesn’t fit any particular audience.
And, yes, the cover looks like shite too.
It doesn’t fit any particular audience.
And, yes, the cover looks like shite too.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:25 am to The Pirate King
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:26 am to Scruffy
quote:
stop and switch to Kung Fu Hustle
You made the right choice
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:30 am to SlimCharles140
Well, now I’m happy I didn’t finish it.
Holy shite.
Holy shite.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:36 am to Scruffy
Considering that the star power and special effects are so good, it has to be one of the worst movies of all time. Literally one of the worst.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:42 am to Scruffy
quote:
Well, now I’m happy I didn’t finish it.
Holy shite.
that was one of my favorite honest trailers ever, so great
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:43 am to SlimCharles140
quote:
Honest trailers Jupiter Ascending
Was coming to post this. Might be my favorite honest trailer.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:49 am to Scruffy
But the bees...
Posted on 8/5/19 at 8:54 am to Scruffy
quote:
I made it about halfway before I had to stop and switch to Kung Fu Hustle.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 9:29 am to Scruffy
It would be nice if there were a streaming service out there w/ a bunch of great movies. Series and self funded movies can be left to others. Netflix used to be kind of like this but has crap now. Criterion probably the closest. I want to watch Lee Marvin's Point Break tonight.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:06 pm to Scruffy
Lol I dont get the massive hate for this film.
I thought it was OK. Obviously, it has a metric frickton of issues but damn its not like it was Suicide Squad
I thought it was OK. Obviously, it has a metric frickton of issues but damn its not like it was Suicide Squad
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:08 pm to Scruffy
Watch Gods of Egypt instead
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:46 pm to Freauxzen
I enjoyed it.
I mean, some bad movies are just bad and sort of forgettable. This movie has the guts to lean all the way into its total batshit insane premise. I mean, at the very least, this movie is fun. Is it overwrought and nonsensical? Yup. It's a big, pulpy mess. But at least go down swinging for the fences.
It's also obvious who the market is: women. At its core, the movie is a soap opera with a stunning hunk as a love interest who has to choose between love and duty. Also, Mile Kunis changes outfits nearly every scene for no discernable reason. It's wardrobe porn.
It's not Lawrence of Arabia or anything, but it was worth my time. If nothing else, at least wasn't bland and forgettable.
I mean, some bad movies are just bad and sort of forgettable. This movie has the guts to lean all the way into its total batshit insane premise. I mean, at the very least, this movie is fun. Is it overwrought and nonsensical? Yup. It's a big, pulpy mess. But at least go down swinging for the fences.
It's also obvious who the market is: women. At its core, the movie is a soap opera with a stunning hunk as a love interest who has to choose between love and duty. Also, Mile Kunis changes outfits nearly every scene for no discernable reason. It's wardrobe porn.
It's not Lawrence of Arabia or anything, but it was worth my time. If nothing else, at least wasn't bland and forgettable.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:50 pm to Scruffy
quote:
What a complete pile of shite.
Hey now. That is harsh. Complete piles of shite can at least be used as fertilizer. You are insulting perfectly good shite by comparing it to Jupiter Ascending.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 1:19 pm to Scruffy
I had been traveling and hadn’t slept in close to 24 hrs when I finally arrived at my hotel. They told me it was going to be another couple hours until my room was ready so I drove to the theater and bought a ticket for tanning chatums piece of shite new movie specifically so I could fall asleep. That’s all it was good for.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 2:57 pm to TheHarahanian
quote:
It's fan fiction with decent special effects. A toilet scrubber wrote a screenplay.
Did you just describe 50 Shades of Grey (but replace "special effects" with "budget")?
Special note: 50 Shades is originally from fan fiction of Twilight.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 3:20 pm to SlimCharles140
quote:
Honest trailers Jupiter Ascending
Holy shite
So glad I missed this one now.
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