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re: To those who have lost someone to suicide

Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:00 pm to
Posted by Dave_O
Member since Apr 2018
1139 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:00 pm to
Nope. My second cousin. His dad was my grandma’s brother, but just 6-7 years older than me. Nicest guy you’d ever want to meet. Always had a smile on his face. Shot himself in front of his girlfriend. You just never know how dark of a place someone is in...
Posted by Frosty86
Member since Nov 2019
200 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:03 pm to
At 20 one of my best friends shot himself. I could literally see his back door from ours through our pasture. Guy was the closest thing to a genius that I have met to date. It was like his brain would never shut off. Whenever he would say, “you know what I was thinking?” I knew I’d better grab on to something because he was about to knock your socks off with some crazy topic that had kept him up for nights thinking and dissecting to no end. Still gets me to this day thinking about him. And he’s been gone for 14 years now. Carrying his casket was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

If you are hurting and seem to be failing deeper into depression please seek help. Even if it’s reaching out to a faceless stranger on TDS. There are a lot of good people here regardless of the crap we give each other
Posted by Volvagia
Fort Worth
Member since Mar 2006
51951 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:04 pm to
quote:


I know a great deal about depression and that does not change the FACT that he was 100% correct, it is the most selfish act one can bring upon their family.


Most people who suffer from depression feel worthless and hide it behind a mask for years, sometimes decades, all for the sake of their loved ones.

What often pushes them over the edge is the thought of how much better their family will be without them and their problems.

In short: frick you.

The one commonality in the people who share your opinion is that they were focused on what the person’s death did to THEM as opposed to trying to figure out why did the victim feel the way they did.

And then they had the audacity to call the other party selfish.
This post was edited on 8/4/20 at 9:17 pm
Posted by A Menace to Sobriety
Member since Jun 2018
29366 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:06 pm to
quote:

Wonder how many suicides are happening because of this pandemic?


A LOT more than people think.
Posted by DaleGribble
Bend, OR
Member since Sep 2014
6821 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:10 pm to
Lost a brother to suicide a few weeks ago. He had tried before, so it wasn't totally unexpected, I guess.

People handle depression differently. Some people like to talk about their problems, but it seems like most internalize everything.
Posted by Capital Cajun
Over Yonder
Member since Aug 2007
5528 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:13 pm to
The last two that happened close to me was complete shock.

Both seemed to be reactionary to recent situations but I’m sure they thought of that route before hand.

One was a GSW to the head at our office where both he and his dad worked and the other hanged himself in his man cave. Had to be crushing to the families to find them that way.

Breaks my heart.

Check in on your friends as you never know what’s going on with them and your call might be the one that saves them.
Posted by horn3810
Jackson
Member since Apr 2008
421 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:21 pm to
Very true. When going through those thoughts you will totally twist things to believing you will be doing everyone a favor by ending things. Also going through it you never want anyone to know you’re going through it because you don’t want to be a burden on people. I haven’t dealt with those feelings in many years, but it was a bitch.
Posted by Nono
Member since Nov 2017
4820 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:24 pm to
And there are people who believe the world will be a better place if they’re dead.

They believe they’re too far gone. Nothing is going to change. It’s better to die now to help the family. One less inheritance to split.
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
66177 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:27 pm to
quote:

Lost a brother to suicide a few weeks ago.
I’m truly sorry to read this.

Unfortunately you are one of us now.

Allow yourself to grieve and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Keep pushing.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124860 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:28 pm to
The fear and depression can loom like a shadow, And make every day seem like the longest darkest night. But if you just hold out a little longer, wait it out one more morning, you’ll find the shadow kept at bay by love’s light.
Posted by Cdawg
TigerFred's Living Room
Member since Sep 2003
59655 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:29 pm to
quote:

Hindsight is always 20/20

There’s always signs but you don’t realize it until after the fact.


This

The guilt of not seeing those signs is very real

This with my best friend.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124860 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:31 pm to
I wrote this a while back on the subject:

Absolutely awful. A waste.

To anyone thinking about it...look, I’ve been there.

Single dad, wife left, lost a career, lost a brother...all in 6 months. You think the darkness didn’t creep in? It had been riding me like a jockey for a while. Nights I just wanted to take a nosedive from a tower and at least leave some money to those I left behind. Because the that’s all I thought I was.

My kids are what saved me and chase away the darkness still.

Even on the darkest days when all seems lost, and the shadows cloud my mind and whisper lies, “I love you daddy, please don’t leave me.” Echoes again and again.

Because the darkness that feeds into depression is a lie. There are those who will feel
Their soul ripped away at your absence whether you think it or not.

If you’ve ever listened to a parent’s wail upon losing a child, you might understand. If you’ve seen a grown man bawl upon his brother’s tombstone, you might get it. No matter who you are, your parting brings sorrow.

The dark days come, sure as sunset, and endless nights will follow.

But no Matter how dark it gets...dawn will break the darkness. Whatever heartache and heartbreak and hollowness you feel will fade, and you’ll find laughter creeping in eventually.

It isn’t ever over until it’s over, and you have to fight against the dark and twisties that will cloud your thinking.

Life is long. And when love seems lost you’ll find it. When it all seems meaningless you’ll find meaning.

You just can’t give in. The songs are all written about those who hold on against the odds, who survive and fight another day.

So to all who might read this and know the looming doom of that great gobbling darkness...

Soldier on. It’s been worse and it will be better, you can bet on it.
Posted by John McClane
Member since Apr 2010
36746 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:40 pm to
For me, yes.

I knew it would happen and I was powerless to do anything about it (mom, bipolar).
Posted by Bristol Dawg
God's Country
Member since Jul 2016
2934 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:43 pm to
quote:

The most self centered thing you can do in your life that will haunt your family forever.



Know how I know you know nothing about depression?




Empathy and back to seeing the bigger picture...
Posted by DaleGribble
Bend, OR
Member since Sep 2014
6821 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:44 pm to
Thanks so much for the kind words. We were 18 years apart in age, had different moms, and lived on opposite ends of the country from each other, so we weren't super close.

He had a drug problem and was in a lot of physical pain and partially paralyzed from his first suicide attempt. As strange as it probably sounds, he'd found God after first suicide attempt and I really feel like he's at peace with his decision(and how his creator might feel about it) and no longer dealing with the pain or addiction.
Posted by cwil177
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
28604 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:44 pm to
quote:

My question is were there any signs leading up to it?


My friend from college through med school killed himself. He was incredibly anxious for a long time, and I’m sure depressed as well. He chatted with some friends that morning, told his mom he was going out to buy a ladder, and then jumped off a nine story building. I wish I could have said something to him. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away.
Posted by Bigbee Hills
Member since Feb 2019
1531 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:48 pm to
quote:

You have to be broken yourself to an extent to see the signs for what they are early.
This is exactly right.
Posted by cwil177
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2011
28604 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:53 pm to
quote:

Lost a brother to suicide a few weeks ago. He had tried before, so it wasn't totally unexpected, I guess.

Sorry man, I hope you’re doing ok
Posted by Bullfrog
Institutionalized but Unevaluated
Member since Jul 2010
56578 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:57 pm to
A friend sent me this last week. I’ve been pondering it. The more control you feel you have of your life, the better you are. Maybe it makes sense out there:

TIME is everything.

Most people think they have plenty of time.

Years, decades even to ‘fix’ things, or make their dreams come true…

But the simple fact is that most people waste it.

Want to see something scary (but motivating)?


If you’re 30 years old, the white squares represent how many years you have left, assuming you live to 90 years old…

That red diamond?

That’s the global life expectancy of 72.6 years old. (Rounded to 73 for you.)

TIME is everything.

I don’t share this with you to be morbid or ‘doom & gloom’.

I share it with you to impress upon you how little time we all really have…

And to bring into focus how much time we WASTE living life dictated by the expectations of others, the media, and the world…

Instead of freely, happily living OUR OWN LIFE.

From birth, we’re pressured to make all the “right” moves and decisions.

Go to the right school
Get the good career
Find the perfect life partner
Have a family
Maybe, when you FINALLY retire, start to think about what you might want
It’s exhausting!

There’s still time left.

You’re breathing, you’re still here, you CAN make a change...you’re meant to live an extraordinary life.

If you get anything from this post, I hope it’s a renewed sense of urgency to take back control of your life and make it extraordinary, for you.
Posted by dewster
Chicago
Member since Aug 2006
25445 posts
Posted on 8/4/20 at 9:57 pm to
No signs, but I wasn’t very close anymore after moving away from Louisiana.
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