re: To those who have lost someone to suicide

I have suffered from/been treated for major depressive disorder for 10+ years. Looking back it was probably always in me. I’m 47 for reference.

There is so much I could put down in writing here, but just wanted to make a few points:

*From the outside looking in I can understand some might think suicide is a selfish thing to do. However, unless you suffer from what I’ll call innate depression, things like depression and suicide won’t make sense to you. Feel fortunate.

In my case, for example, I have a beautiful and supportive wife; 4 beautiful, smart and healthy children; a stable career; a nice home in a nice, safe neighborhood; 3 nice vehicles, etc., etc. So from the outside It looks like “man, what a lucky guy, he has it all!” Which I do! But when I’ve been at my lowest I struggled to see those things. There was no rhyme or reason for my depression other than its biological existence. This is what makes it terribly difficult to see “signs” in some. For these there may exist no drug abuse, heart-wrenching divorce, loss of a loved one.

*Mental illness is no different than any other physical ailment such as epilepsy, anemia, arthritis, etc. - it exists in you because of PHYSICAL factors. You suffer from it untreated or you suffer from it with treatment to minimize symptoms - but it is always there.

*Mental health disorders are still very “taboo”. There has been a lot of positive progress in this area, but there are still mountains to overcome in the realms of understanding and acceptance. Those with mental health illnesses are considered “crazy” by so many. No one wants that label, so they do all they can to hide it from their families and friends. This can be exhausting at times and perpetuate the negative impacts of the illness.

*Finally, in my experience receiving counseling in the hopes it can “cure” true depression isn’t realistic or true. I don’t discourage it at all. Whereas an otherwise mentally healthy person may find that counseling helps them overcome depression triggered by some event such as divorce, the loss of a loved one, financial loss, etc., I will always need medical treatment, namely prescribed medication. I’ve tried weaning off of medication having incorrectly determined that I am strong enough and smart enough to overcome it on my own, that I KNOW what I need to do. Each time I’ve failed miserably, and never had my doctor suggest I could beat depression on my own. Yet I had to learn this on my own. Message received.

*Which leads me to my last thought. Treatment by medication is still a hit and miss proposition. It may take months or years to find the combination of medications that will control a person’s depression. It’s a race against the clock and can often make people give up. Absent a supportive and educated wife as it relates to mental health I would have thrown my hands up many times. She never would let me, and finally my doctor hit on the right combo for my physiological makeup. I’ve been “healthy” for about 2 years now. But I know depression is still in me, and even with treatment I can be reminded very quickly. Not of the intensity absent treatment, but certainly recognizable. I have seen that there are tests available now that can predict based on a person’s particular “chemical”(?) makeup which medications are most likely to work for them. I understand it’s done via a mouth swan or bloodwork, but that few doctors use it unless the patient asks specifically. The trial-and-error method is a hindrance to successful treatment, and I hope more studies will be pursued to eliminate the guesswork and develop more successful treatment more quickly.

My experience only. Wish all of you and your friends and family success in beating depression.

quote:

---

love you

---

Back at ya! Sorry, been busy and its a late response.

To the person who said it is selfish. I've been in a dark place where I just stopped taking an anti-depressant cold turkey. Made me want to commit suicide and I ended up hospitalized for a bit (PS doctors should warn you this is a side effect if you don't wean off). It was the absolute scariest moment of my life. Thankfully, I knew that wasn't my true feelings and seeked help to "return to normal". But it did make me realize if that is how someone feels on a daily basis, that I don't blame them. I wish it never happened to anyone, but to live your life that low all the time and feel as if you are a constant burden would be absolutely miserable.

Im assuming you’ve tried Benadryl, but just in case you haven’t—try Benadryl.

quote:

---

I’m living for other people at this point, mainly my parents. Also, I’m scared of not succeeding and leaving myself permanently disabled or in pain. I was in an outpatient mental health program right before Covid and since then things are just getting worse. I’ve done everything to try and get help and it’s come to the point where no one can help me anymore except myself and I just can’t. I dread each day

---

Have you looked into alternative treatment options for depression? Ketamine clinics are pricy but boy do they work. Electroconvulsive therapy and deep brain stimulation are other options. I would look into these if you’re really struggling.

Were there signs? With my mom, yes. When I walked in and found her dead, it was not a huge surprise, but that still didn't lessen the shock.

5 months later my father took his life...no signs whatsoever.

I was 12.