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Started By
Message
Did Rodney Dangerfield have the best one-liners?
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:29 pm
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:29 pm
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
RODNEY
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
RODNEY
33
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:31 pm to Damone
My wife and I go to check in at a fancy hotel.
The bellhop asks if he can take my bag, I say "Sure".
He picks up my wife and walks off with her.
The bellhop asks if he can take my bag, I say "Sure".
He picks up my wife and walks off with her.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:33 pm to Damone
quote:
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Doesn't make sense. The rest are money. They had to be though, it was all he had.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:33 pm to Damone
Rodney on Carson; “To stop smoking my wife and I agreed to only smoke after sex. I’ve had the same pack since 1985. My wife is up to 3 packs a day”
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:33 pm to Damone
I don't know, but one thing's for sure. The guy got no respect.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:34 pm to WildManGoose
quote:
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Doesn't make sense
I believe it's a small penis joke.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:34 pm to Damone
Don Rickles
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:35 pm to Damone
Hey nice hat. Did it come with a free bowl of soup?
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:36 pm to Damone
These guys were/are very good one liner comics:
Henny Youngman
Steven Wright
Mitch Hedberg
Jim Gaffigan
Henny Youngman
Steven Wright
Mitch Hedberg
Jim Gaffigan
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:37 pm to SeeeeK
quote:
Steven Wright
Extremely underrated
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:37 pm to WildManGoose
quote:
Doesn't make sense.
He got a small cawk discount.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:40 pm to Damone
Andrew Dice Clay was pretty good.
Little Boy Blue - He needed the money.
Mother Goose? Yeah I fricked her.
When you jerk off, you’re saying “Hey, I care about me.”
Little Boy Blue - He needed the money.
Mother Goose? Yeah I fricked her.
When you jerk off, you’re saying “Hey, I care about me.”
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:43 pm to WildManGoose
quote:
Doesn't make sense. The rest are money. They had to be though, it was all he had.
Are you fricking retarded? She saw his little cock and dropped the price b/c she felt bad for him and knew it wouldn't stretch her gash out.
Your dum.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:43 pm to Damone
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:44 pm to Damone
The king of one liners!
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:45 pm to Clyde Tipton
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:45 pm to Damone
My first movie was so horrible that everyone walked out. And the premiere was on an airplane.
Seriously though, if it isn’t Rodney then it is Henny Youngman.
Seriously though, if it isn’t Rodney then it is Henny Youngman.
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:45 pm to Damone
I don't like cocaine, I just like the way it smells
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:46 pm to Damone
There are only three comedians that I miss/am sad that they died when I see a movie or an old skit with them in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Chris Farley
John Candy
Rodney Dangerfield
Chris Farley
John Candy
Posted on 4/11/18 at 1:46 pm to stonedbegonias
According Joe Rogan, Dangerfield had a baby arm.
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