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re: Doubt this has happened to a TDer before.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:07 am to Wayne Campbell
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:07 am to Wayne Campbell
quote:The OP himself has said it in this thread. A man does not understand a mothers bond. It seems as if all the replies in this thread like yours, are from men who just don't get it. That just because she gave him up for adoption, does not make the pain and grief for her; any less than the adoptive parents pain and grief.
Plenty of people have addressed other parts of your post, but my thoughts when I came to this part is, those people just lost their son. You're wife will hopefully realize soon that she feels a fraction of the pain that they are going through.
Whatever their motivations may have been for standing in the way of a reconnection, your wife or her desires probably never entered their heads during this time.
This post was edited on 12/31/17 at 7:24 am
4
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:10 am to cajunangelle
quote:
There is no greater love on earth than that of a mother and her children
On behalf of all fathers and husbands and brothers and sons everywhere, frick you.
quote:
give up a birth child for his well-being is probably the strongest form of love there is.
Are you serious?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:10 am to cajunangelle
Wished I would of never open this thread. 
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:11 am to Hangit
quote:
The adoptive parents seem crappy for not letting him, an adult male, decide his course
How do you know this?
How do you know they didn't tell him about the letter and he said I'd rather not ever meet her?
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:18 am to HubbaBubba
I have a friend who was adopted. I asked him about his birth mother and he said he considered his adoptive parents as his parents. When his birth mother contacted him in adulthood he met with her, mostly to find out about any pertinent medical information regarding her and his father. He said the meeting with her was pleasant, but he had no desire to start any sort of relationship with her nor she with him. They satisfied their curiosity about each other and moved on.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:24 am to Volvagia
quote:
Lots of reasons, ranging from the spectrum of understandable but selfish, to kind.
They could have not wanted the drama and awkwardness of the chance of her wanting to go to the funeral.
Or it could have been more of the considered act.
Or possibly they just lost their son in a freak accident and informing the biological mother wasn’t a priority because she wasn’t a part of his life. That is a pain no one should know and I doubt they even thought about this woman at all with all of the emotion and stuff that needs to be done by the parents when losing a child like that.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:25 am to HubbaBubba
I hope you and your wife come through this ok man.
My thought would be to let his wife and kids alone. Maybe find out if/where he is buried and visit for her and you but bringing in more people who are already in pain and may not know things seems very unfair to them. They lost their dad and husband and deserve their mourning time and space.
Again I hope both of you come through this stronger than before
My thought would be to let his wife and kids alone. Maybe find out if/where he is buried and visit for her and you but bringing in more people who are already in pain and may not know things seems very unfair to them. They lost their dad and husband and deserve their mourning time and space.
Again I hope both of you come through this stronger than before
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:31 am to HubbaBubba
I’d say makes plans to go with your wife to his gravesite one day. Pay respects to him that way but don’t contact the parents to tell them. It sounds like they don’t want anything to do with that part of his life. BUT you have every right to visit him at his grave.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:34 am to Breesus
quote:
How do you know this? How do you know they didn't tell him about the letter and he said I'd rather not ever meet her?
From the OP:
quote:
According to my MIL, they refused and said they would not pass the info to him.
I assume this means they did not pass the information on to him.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:35 am to HubbaBubba
Man, frick them adoptive parents right in the pussy for that.
Yall should contact his widow.
I bet she would be receptive to a genuine interest in your wife's grandchildren.
Yall should contact his widow.
I bet she would be receptive to a genuine interest in your wife's grandchildren.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:35 am to danfraz
As an adoptee (father's side), please tell her to leave the family alone. I would never go looking for my sperm donor because he isn't the man who raised me. I have a Dad, and biology means very little to some people.
And for everyone saying "A grown man should be able to decide" not if the adoptive parents never told him, which is their right. My sister is fully adopted and the school slipped up and told her when she was about 11. Problem was, my aunt was her bio mom and had recently died. It fricked my sister up and would have been better if she had never found out. Sometimes secrets are meant to protect.
Your wife did a very unselfish thing, long ago. Leave these people alone.
And for everyone saying "A grown man should be able to decide" not if the adoptive parents never told him, which is their right. My sister is fully adopted and the school slipped up and told her when she was about 11. Problem was, my aunt was her bio mom and had recently died. It fricked my sister up and would have been better if she had never found out. Sometimes secrets are meant to protect.
Your wife did a very unselfish thing, long ago. Leave these people alone.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:36 am to cajunangelle
quote:
A man does not understand a mothers bond. It seems as if all the replies in this thread like yours, are from men who just don't get it. That just because she gave him up for adoption, does not make the pain and grief for her; any less than the adoptive parents pain and grief.
Sorry, but that's bullshite. It's not a matter of understanding the bond between mother and child. To equate her loss to that of the kids actual parents, and yes the adoptive parents are his actual parents, is foolish.
They raised him, they loved him, they knew him, they lost someone. OPs wife lost him decades ago. That's not to downplay or say that she can't or shouldn't feel a sense of loss. But to blame the parents for not notifying her when he died is selfish.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:37 am to cajunangelle
quote:
There is no greater love on earth than that of a mother and her children. To give up a birth child for his well-being is probably the strongest form of love there is.
for real. She's right, you downvotin poontangs.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:37 am to HubbaBubba
Wow brother. That is so sad. Thoughts and prayers with your wife and family.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:46 am to HubbaBubba
Sad story. She should have been more protective and not gotten pregnant in the first place if she wasn't ready to have a child
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:51 am to CP3LSU25
quote:Seriously?
CP3LSU25
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:52 am to Wolfhound45
If the son never knew he was adopted , she has no right to contact him. End of story.
If the grand kids don’t know that he wa adopted, which I’m sure they are young and don’t, they should be left alone. The real grandparents are the current ones.
You can’t just lob a grenade into these peoples lives because you now want to be involved.
Where’s the father, did she even tell him way back she was having a baby ? It doesn’t run in my blood to give up a child. Granted I don’t know the circumstances.
If the grand kids don’t know that he wa adopted, which I’m sure they are young and don’t, they should be left alone. The real grandparents are the current ones.
You can’t just lob a grenade into these peoples lives because you now want to be involved.
Where’s the father, did she even tell him way back she was having a baby ? It doesn’t run in my blood to give up a child. Granted I don’t know the circumstances.
This post was edited on 12/31/17 at 8:39 am
Posted on 12/31/17 at 7:57 am to lsufan112001
That was my point, they have no idea if the son even knew.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 8:08 am to cajunangelle
quote:
just because she gave him up for adoption, does not make the pain and grief for her; any less than the adoptive parents pain and grief.
You can’t be serious here.
Posted on 12/31/17 at 8:13 am to HubbaBubba
quote:
Doubt this has happened to a TDer before
Of course not. We all married virgins, pure as the driven snow.
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