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re: Do any parents out there wish they didn't have kids?
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:26 am to Pecker
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:26 am to Pecker
All of your points are true. They are more work than you can even imagine. I would do it all over again. My daughter is a mini me. My oldest son is my best bud. And my baby seems like he is going to be a ladies man. Having kids, and being apart of their life is the apex human experience. Not sure if you can fill the void, and not have a major regret when you get older.
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Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:28 am to Pecker
Having kids is great, and they provide so much more than they consume.
My career has never suffered (in fact my business has grown significantly and I work less and earn more. My wife went back to school and started a new career, and the kids didn't effect that. We did everything we wanted to do regardless of the kids. The kids just did those things with us. We also did a lot of stuff we never imagined we would do because of the kids, and we enjoyed the hell out of those things. Seriously, Legoland is the best, and you need kids to get in.
Being a single parent has been tougher as my kids still need their mom, and I can't provide the emotional stuff the way she did. Also coaching them through her illness and death was the hardest thing imaginable. I don't wish that I didn't have kids though. I just wish my kids still had a mom.
My career has never suffered (in fact my business has grown significantly and I work less and earn more. My wife went back to school and started a new career, and the kids didn't effect that. We did everything we wanted to do regardless of the kids. The kids just did those things with us. We also did a lot of stuff we never imagined we would do because of the kids, and we enjoyed the hell out of those things. Seriously, Legoland is the best, and you need kids to get in.
Being a single parent has been tougher as my kids still need their mom, and I can't provide the emotional stuff the way she did. Also coaching them through her illness and death was the hardest thing imaginable. I don't wish that I didn't have kids though. I just wish my kids still had a mom.
This post was edited on 1/4/17 at 9:32 am
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:31 am to Pecker
We just had one, he's now ten...I can't really think of anything we've given up, and jobs have honestly stood in the way of life more than him. He's a beautiful little mix of both of us and his bright future is something we look forward to. I have regrets in life, but my boy is wry damn far from one. He brings out kindnes and patience in my wife that makes me more attracted to her...so, NEVER for a even a second.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:33 am to Pecker
My kids are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. If not for them, I'd be a raging alcoholic womanizer.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:34 am to Pecker
Even though I wish I never had to see their mother again, I have never wished I didn't have my boys. Even though girls don't want to give me a chance because I'm already a father, I have never wished I didn't have my boys. Even though they are expensive af, I have never wished I didn't have my boys. They're my life, and I'm ok with that.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:41 am to Pecker
There is absolutely no reason to get married if you don't want kids. And if the two of you both feel that way, you probably don't have much to offer kids anyway. Kids need to thrive, not have lazy, un-nurturing,materialistic, self-absorbed parents. The world already has enough "adults" suffering from failure-to-launch syndrome.. Leave the heavy lifting of marriage and parenthood to those of us who can handle it and get on with being an eternal adolescent.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:44 am to Pecker
quote:
I love my child dearly, but I hate that I continuously have to sacrifice everything that I used to love about life now that I have a kid.
I love working (I'm freelance, so flexible hours) but with a kid I simply have 20-40 fewer hours in a week, and that is with a wife and expensive daycare. It's like I have to fight to get a day's worth of work done.
I used to love spending time with my wife, doing something fun just the two of us. With a kid that happens almost never, and when it does you have to plan it and get a babysitter and accept that it now costs $10 an hour just to see my wife alone. And even then half the time you're probably too frayed and tired to enjoy it.
I used to love having a healthy and active sex life. I was convinced that we would never be those people who couldn't find time or energy for sex. Now we're down to maybe twice a month if we're lucky, and half the time when we do do it it's disappointing. Our sex life went from a constant 9 or 10, to a 2 or a 3.
I also used to love just talking to my wife or being able to hear my own thoughts. With a kid in the house those moments get increasingly rare. It's like we're not allowed to talk to each other. You have no idea how stressful it is when every thought you have and everything you say gets interrupted.
I used to love having disposable income. We're still far from poor, but the extra $2k in bills each month does take away a lot of flexibility. Anyone thinking of having kids, try putting away $2k a month for a year just to see how it feels.
I like getting up early, but sometimes after a long week or night I would sleep in an hour or two. Preferably snuggling the wife, maybe some morning sex, or even just reading my phone... With a kid, fuggedaboutit. You're getting up at 6AM seven days a week, no matter how you feel. It's every day, it does not end for years. And our kid is a good sleeper. Plenty of parents are up twice a night for years.
Traveling and holidays used to be fun. With a kid it's mostly a continuous struggle. There is no daycare so one or both of you is constantly doing the kid. You don't get to see your partner alone or just chill together. Oh and everything is 50% more expensive. The first holiday we booked after we had our son was to Sri Lanka. We were supposed to be there for a little over two weeks but with the baby it was such a shite sandwich that four days in we got online and spent $600 extra to change our tickets and fly home. What should have been a wonderful two week holiday became a very expensive four days of hell.
And all of that is just me and my selfish needs. I haven't even started about the stress of trying to be a good parent. That's a whole other level of difficulty in your life.
I could go on and on and on. The worst part about for me is that it doesn't end. This is hard to convey to people who don't have kids. A kid is awake for 14 hours a day, so even with daycare which costs a fortune, they take up 8 hours of your day every day when they don't take the full 14. It's fricking relentless.
Oh and yes it does get a little better when they get older, but not much. Mine is 4.5 now and it's still full on. We always thought he should have a sibling but we just can't hack it so we're just going to stick to one and feel guilty about it.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:44 am to Pecker
Most of my really good friends don't have kids. Family wise, my little brother doesn't have any and isn't planning on it. I see it first hand and understand their decisions. In complete contrast, I have 3 kids now and wish we could have more. They can't even begin to be on my wavelength on it so I don't try to discuss it with them, but it's the greatest single thing in my life. If you can't see yourself in a life with kids, maybe you should just not have them and really, there's nothing wrong with that. But there's simply no way to bottle or describe the feeling to explain what it's like with them. I could never imagine a life where I couldn't have them now. I'd be empty.
tl;dr: kids are great...
tl;dr: kids are great...
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:45 am to Pecker
After reading your post...do any potential kids a favor, and don't procreate. You sound like a complete prick honestly.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:47 am to Pecker
How old are you?
Me and the wife married when i was 23. We didnt want kids, we enjoyed vacations 5-6 times a year. Going and comming as we please. Being spontanious on a friday evening after work and saying hey lets run to the beach for the weekend. Buying a new truck every year, buying atvs, and boats, and enjoying nice things for ourself.
but about a year ago (i was 32) we both just got tired of the same ole same life and needed something more. We both saw all our friends with their kids and enjoying doing things with them. And we decided we needed/wanted kids in our life.
Point is.... your thought process may change
Me and the wife married when i was 23. We didnt want kids, we enjoyed vacations 5-6 times a year. Going and comming as we please. Being spontanious on a friday evening after work and saying hey lets run to the beach for the weekend. Buying a new truck every year, buying atvs, and boats, and enjoying nice things for ourself.
but about a year ago (i was 32) we both just got tired of the same ole same life and needed something more. We both saw all our friends with their kids and enjoying doing things with them. And we decided we needed/wanted kids in our life.
Point is.... your thought process may change
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:50 am to Pecker
If your kid were to become a shithead it would be a direct reflection of you and your significant other being a shithead parent. You ever think about that, Pecker?
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:51 am to Pecker
at about 130 this morning when my toddler woke up screaming and it took me about 30 minutes to get him to go back to sleep.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 9:51 am to Pecker
As for "the finer things in life" nothing is better than having all your kids and your wife snuggled up in your bed watching a movie before bed time. I have a lot of expensive hobbies and do a lot of what I want, but nothing beats that.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:08 am to Pecker
quote:
Do any parents out there wish they didn't have kids?
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:13 am to Pecker
Kids
Freedom
Pick one
Freedom
Pick one
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:14 am to Pecker
If you are that big of a sissy then please don't have children.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:14 am to Pecker
quote:
My fiance and I are about to tie the knot and we had a pretty good talk about not having kids. We first had this talk about 3 years ago (been together for 5 years now) and nothing has changed. We both are doing well financially but our careers require a lot of time and we'd like to experience the joys of life when not working.
Reasons not to:
1) they seem like a lot of work
2) there is always that chance they grow up to be worthless shitheads (no matter how well you raise them)
3) I'd like to enjoy the finer things in life
4) we see worthless shitty kids all over the place with their fat, worn-down, depressed parents and I don't want to be that
If you and your partner have unprotected sex and she get pregnant do you kill it or take responsibility?
I ask because not wanting kids and planning to NOT have them is a very responsible thing to do. Nothing wrong there.
Not wanting kids and failing to plan to NOT have kids then saying opps, lets go to the Dr. and get rid of this mistake is where I think a lot of the problem comes in.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:16 am to Pecker
quote:
Reasons not to: 1) they seem like a lot of work 2) there is always that chance they grow up to be worthless shitheads (no matter how well you raise them) 3) I'd like to enjoy the finer things in life 4) we see worthless shitty kids all over the place with their fat, worn-down, depressed parents and I don't want to be that
Sounds like you just have not reached the maturity level for kids. Nothing wrong with that. Each person has to set his own value system and follow it as best he can.
When and if you do have them, just put a little effort and thought into it and you'll do fine. It amazes me how many people seem to be clueless. Don't fall into either the ultra strict aloof parents or the hippy dippy feel good parents extremes. Teach them right from wrong, tell them you love them every night before they go to sleep and the odds are in your favor that they will grow up well.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:18 am to Pecker
wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 3.5
still on the no kids or dogs bandwagon and loving it. We go wherever we want and do whatever we want each weekend without having to worry about people to watch kids or dogs. It's also nice getting a full night of sleep each night.
still on the no kids or dogs bandwagon and loving it. We go wherever we want and do whatever we want each weekend without having to worry about people to watch kids or dogs. It's also nice getting a full night of sleep each night.
Posted on 1/4/17 at 10:40 am to Pecker
quote:this is the biggest bring thing that scares me about having kids
their fat, worn-down, depressed parents
Most parents are fat depressing slobs
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