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How To Politely Decline Being Best Man
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:23 am
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:23 am
Say its a friend of yours, but not really one of your best friends.I met him after college, known him 10 years or so. A friend you talk to once a month or so, but he asks you bc you introduced him to his fiancee and he feels like he owes you. He actually said "he owes me". He asked me last night while he was in town, he lives in new york, Im in texas. I just dont really want all the responsibility of it being that its not a super close friend of mine. What would you do to not ruin the friendship but politely say "no"
This post was edited on 12/6/16 at 4:25 am
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:26 am to dabigfella
quote:
How To Politely Decline Being Best Man
ask him genuinely if he has any friends/brother that he is closer to and would feel slighted if they were not chosen. if he says yes, then encourage him to choose them and give it your blessing after convincing him it was his idea to choose them.
if he says no, you're the only one he's close to. well, good luck! I have no answer for that.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:29 am to Masterag
I Introduced this guy on accident and he thinks he owes me. My wife and I were taking her friend out to dinner and I didn't want to be the third wheel and he had texted me that he was in town so I invited him to join so it wasn't me and 2 women blabbing about nothing. He thinks it was us arranging them to meet. It really wasn't, he doesn't owe me anything lol and I just dont want best man responsibilities for a wedding in new york, a wedding I probably wouldn't attend anyways.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:40 am to Masterag
I don't think you're going to get a better response than your first from Masterag.
Ask him if there's anyone who might feel slighted if they weren't chosen, putting the "owing you" for introducing them aside. If he doesn't have an answer, then you're more than likely the closest friend he has. I don't think it would be fair to judge you for still declining if you don't feel the same way about yall's relationship, but it's something to consider and I'm sure would mean a great deal to him if you accepted.
Ask him if there's anyone who might feel slighted if they weren't chosen, putting the "owing you" for introducing them aside. If he doesn't have an answer, then you're more than likely the closest friend he has. I don't think it would be fair to judge you for still declining if you don't feel the same way about yall's relationship, but it's something to consider and I'm sure would mean a great deal to him if you accepted.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:43 am to cmayLSU07
Aside from introducing him to his soon to be wife which was more bc two people were 35 and single and happened to meet via friends,I just wouldn't have anything to really say in a speech. We're just casual friends,met through mutual friends. We grab dinner when he's in town,but nothing to where I have hilarious stories to share or anything in a wedding speech. It was just so awkward he asked, he said he owed me big time for introducing him to his wife. I didn't want to burst his bubble and say it was an accident bc he really believes we somehow arranged it bc he was in town visiting.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:46 am to dabigfella
Bang his fiancée.
2 birds, one stone.
2 birds, one stone.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:49 am to dabigfella
If that is all true, I'd more than likely say he's just saying all that because he has no one else to ask. But as sad as that is it isn't something you should have to stress over being so far away anyway. If you lived in the same city, I'd probably recommend being the nice guy and playing the part for the night, but half a country away I don't think its realistic the way you describe. That's way too much obligation and work for someone you don't know that well just to be compassionate, considering the cost of travel and all the other things a best man is responsible for.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:52 am to cmayLSU07
Ok cool so if I say all those things about distance,travel involved,work,etc it wouldn't piss him off or anything? I just wanted to make sure he doesn't hate me for not really being gung ho about it all.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 4:53 am to dabigfella
Don't be a self-centered "it inconveniences me" d bag. Accept graciously and bring some joy to their lives by going out of your way to help make their wedding great. Best Man is a lot more than giving a couple of speeches and planning a party. Besides that, you get to have a Bachelor Party and a wedding in New York. Enjoy it. Someday soon you won't be attending weddings anymore and you will miss the fun.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:12 am to dabigfella
So your boy is in town and you, your wife and her single friend have dinner. If your words weren't, "yada...yada.....and she's single", then u already suck as a friend. Despite you only being concerned about being stuck alone with 2 yapping women, your boy closed the deal without any help. Sounds like you need to turn down his offer just to save him from having a shite best man
This post was edited on 12/6/16 at 5:13 am
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:40 am to dabigfella
Just do it. Being the best man is fun. Yeah it's a lot of work but that's life.
This post was edited on 12/6/16 at 5:40 am
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:48 am to dabigfella
I recently did this for a guy I've only known about 4 years. We are late 30's, she is early 40's and it was both of their second marriages. To me, at that age, and on a second marriage it's silly to have a wedding anyway but it's probably her that wants it. If they are wanting you to travel, lodge, have a tux, they need to offer upfront to pay for all that. If they did, you could look at it as more of a paid vacation than being best man. There's really no duties or speeches like someone said, if you don't want to do that.
As far as why he's asking you, I don't think it has to do with you introducing them, so he feels obligated to pay you back. Best man at our age is as much of a hassle as an honor. Most likely he doesn't have anyone else to ask, or has already been turned down. In my buddies case, his dad is deceased, his brother was jealous and didn't even come, and another close friend he had was also real jealous and pretty much quit talking to him when they first started dating. In his case, after a 10 year marriage ended he was pretty much starting over from scratch with nothing. No close guy friends, no money, etc. I didn't think twice about doing it. I thought it was an honor and it turned out to be a real cool experience.
I think it just boils down to how much do you care about them both. They may be trying to decide if they really want to have a wedding if they can get someone to stand in for him. If they have one anyway but you turn it down expect your relationship to deteriorate. If they decide, hey lets just do something simple with no one else involved, you may have saved them both a bunch of time and money.
As far as why he's asking you, I don't think it has to do with you introducing them, so he feels obligated to pay you back. Best man at our age is as much of a hassle as an honor. Most likely he doesn't have anyone else to ask, or has already been turned down. In my buddies case, his dad is deceased, his brother was jealous and didn't even come, and another close friend he had was also real jealous and pretty much quit talking to him when they first started dating. In his case, after a 10 year marriage ended he was pretty much starting over from scratch with nothing. No close guy friends, no money, etc. I didn't think twice about doing it. I thought it was an honor and it turned out to be a real cool experience.
I think it just boils down to how much do you care about them both. They may be trying to decide if they really want to have a wedding if they can get someone to stand in for him. If they have one anyway but you turn it down expect your relationship to deteriorate. If they decide, hey lets just do something simple with no one else involved, you may have saved them both a bunch of time and money.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:49 am to C
quote:
Just do it. Being the best man is fun. Yeah it's a lot of work but that's life
Agreed. It's a bit of a pain in the arse, but how many times in your life will you asked to best man? Live it up and make a funny speech. Clown on him a bit, raise your glass, and enjoy the party.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:55 am to dabigfella
quote:
just wanted to make sure he doesn't hate me for not really being gung ho about it all.
If you decline Being best man it will fundamentally change your relationship. Unless you can convince him that it was his idea to ask someone else. And that takes skills and the ability to read people that this thread tells me you don't have.
I seriously doubt he just thinks he owes you. You might be his only friend that isn't married or dating one of her friends.
Good luck.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:57 am to dabigfella
Say, "Sorry 'bro–been there, done her, if you catch my drift."
You won't even have to show up at the wedding.
You won't even have to show up at the wedding.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 5:57 am to WaltTeevens
Just politely tell him that you are, by only the broadest of definitions, a man at all and certainly not a 'best man'. If he has any questions about this in the least, just have him check with the overwhelming majority of the O-T. As big of a douche as you are on here I don't see how anyone can stand your company IRL.
De gustibus non est disputandem.
De gustibus non est disputandem.
Posted on 12/6/16 at 6:02 am to dabigfella
quote:
How To Politely Decline Being Best Man
I'm surprised he wanted a best man with an accent
Posted on 12/6/16 at 6:08 am to cmayLSU07
What's the obligation of being a best man? I think my best man planned the bachelor party, but it's not like that took a lot of effort. Just booked a few rooms. Maid of Honor, yeah, going to be busy. Best Man......not so much. Still kind of awkward, but some people just don't get super close with people. If he thinks of you as a close friend, then maybe he doesn't expect all that much from a Best Man anyway.
Or just frick his fiance. That'd probably get you out of the duties.
Or just frick his fiance. That'd probably get you out of the duties.
This post was edited on 12/6/16 at 7:29 am
Posted on 12/6/16 at 6:13 am to dabigfella
He probably only chose you so you can pay for an expensive bachelor party for him and his real friends. You're probably a massive douche bag irl, but he's ignoring that to use you for your money
Posted on 12/6/16 at 6:17 am to dabigfella
That's a tough one.
Maybe somehow convince him that another person may feel slighted if he didn't ask them.They may be expecting it.
Maybe somehow convince him that another person may feel slighted if he didn't ask them.They may be expecting it.
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