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1
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:35 am to Kracka
It's odd what people find normal and "creepy." I mean, it's not odd because society decides and most people fall in line.
This is no different than an annual fundraiser/event in honor of/charity drive, or even a scholarship in someone's name where an annual dedication is held, other than what she calls it. Those things are probably normal and encouraged on here, but this woman "needs to get over it."
This is no different than an annual fundraiser/event in honor of/charity drive, or even a scholarship in someone's name where an annual dedication is held, other than what she calls it. Those things are probably normal and encouraged on here, but this woman "needs to get over it."
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:35 am to cleeveclever
I am a father of one. I can't relate to losing a child obviously, but I can relate to loss somewhat. Before I got married and even as a married man before I became a dad, I use to really dismiss when someone I knew had a miscarriage. I know most times, it's too early to really become attached too too bad, but it is what it is. I never really understood why women got so worked up about it. My SIL had a few, and was devestated each time. I never really "got it" until my wife and I's first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. What sucks even worse, is the day we went to the Dr. and got the confirmation that my wife would have to have a DNC, was the same day my brother took his life. Buried him, then the next day my wife had the procedure. My outlook has completely changed on miscarriages, because I always wonder about what that baby would have become if it had been viable from the start.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:38 am to Kracka
It absolutely is a "club." Membership to which I would not wish on anyone.
Going on 16 years since my son died from brain cancer.
Who is to say what is right and wrong in this situation?
I grieve privately. I take flowers to him on his birthday and date of death. I stop by to visit. I remember him as his little friends graduate from high school, attend college, etc.. When I fish I think of him laughing as he reeled in a fish on his snoopy rod. Sometimes I find myself randomly pondering the possibilities of a the life that never was.
My ex had a virtual monument to him in her house. Her grief is more public. Pehaps disturbingly so. Who is to say or judge?
Would I grieve the way this woman grieves? No, but I understand her need to celebrate the life of a child largely forgotten by others.
However, as a member of the "club," I say to the ones on here making fun of the lady, "kiss my arse and pray to God you never get the invitation to join."
Going on 16 years since my son died from brain cancer.
Who is to say what is right and wrong in this situation?
I grieve privately. I take flowers to him on his birthday and date of death. I stop by to visit. I remember him as his little friends graduate from high school, attend college, etc.. When I fish I think of him laughing as he reeled in a fish on his snoopy rod. Sometimes I find myself randomly pondering the possibilities of a the life that never was.
My ex had a virtual monument to him in her house. Her grief is more public. Pehaps disturbingly so. Who is to say or judge?
Would I grieve the way this woman grieves? No, but I understand her need to celebrate the life of a child largely forgotten by others.
However, as a member of the "club," I say to the ones on here making fun of the lady, "kiss my arse and pray to God you never get the invitation to join."
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:39 am to Kracka
quote:
I need a drink
I know, man. Heavy stuff in here this morning.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:39 am to Cosmo
she's just keeping the pain alive...
do people actually show up?
wonder what those conversations are like? a bit morbid?
do people actually show up?
wonder what those conversations are like? a bit morbid?
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:41 am to Spaulding Smails
quote:
Show up every year to the birthday and drop the phrase "seems like your child is running a lite late for their own party"
Go fricking die somewhere, you worthless sack of shite.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:50 am to runningdog
quote:
I grieve privately. I take flowers to him on his birthday and date of death.
My mom does this with my brothers grave. I know she does it several times a week because she helps plant flowers and stuff at the graveyard. I have not been to my brothers grave site since I put him there. I can't do it. To me, it's like talking to a wall. It's not him. its a wall, with a box with a body in it.
quote:
My ex had a virtual monument to him in her house. Her grief is more public. Pehaps disturbingly so.
Again, this is my mom. She has a table in front of her chair in the living room, that has pictures of him, and us all over it. She has a small photo book that says "My Son" on it. Has pictures of him in it. She says it's there so she can remember what he looks like. I don't blame her. I could not do that. I am more like my dad, I avoid thinking about it. I went through enough when and after he died to dredge all that back up. But he wasn't my child, which is different.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:51 am to StarkRebel
I, too, am a member of the club. It is I possible for anyone who has not lost a child to understand what such a loss does to someone. The experience is devastating. It never goes away, and the pain and lonesome Ness never abates. You are, forever, a changed person.
This woman deals with her grief in this way. I know many who have taken their own lives after the loss of a child.
As a previous poster said, whatever it takes to get you through the day. One day at a time.
This woman deals with her grief in this way. I know many who have taken their own lives after the loss of a child.
As a previous poster said, whatever it takes to get you through the day. One day at a time.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:54 am to Cosmo
I refuse to celebrate the birthdays of my live children. Mostly because I don't know most of them though
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:56 am to Kracka
Very, very tough. And the combining of two devastating events... I'm very sorry.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:58 am to Kracka
I know that we have a photo album of my brother.
I still can't get through it.
I still can't get through it.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 11:59 am to Cosmo
psycho
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:00 pm to Carson123987
frick you.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:03 pm to Kracka
one thing I've always hated about where my brother's body is is that it's in a mausoleum in Thibodaux. it's 5 "stories" up so you can't touch the grave and you need one of those flower raising thingies to put new flowers up. feels far less personal that way.
as far as birthdays and death days, my brothers and I always make it a point to call mom on those anniversaries if we don't spend it with her. dad handles it more internally than mom
as far as birthdays and death days, my brothers and I always make it a point to call mom on those anniversaries if we don't spend it with her. dad handles it more internally than mom
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:15 pm to LSUROCKS52
quote:
dad handles it more internally than mom
yeah this is probably going to be all men across the board. There are exceptions to the rule of course.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:16 pm to retired trucker
quote:
she's just keeping the pain alive... do people actually show up? wonder what those conversations are like? a bit morbid?
So are you implying that if she grieves or celebrates privately the pain miraculously goes away or softens?
Does grieving privately make someone's pain less? No way.
All it does is spares others from things they may find awkward or uncomfortable.
You know what's uncomfortable and awkward?
Leaving a NICU for the last time, without your baby.
Stepping off an elevator, 15 minutes after you've bathed your baby's lifeless body, right into a lobby filled with pregnant women and anxious fathers waiting for their presumably healthy babies to be born.
The longest, coldest walk I've ever taken my life was that walk to the car without our baby.
The first night we slept in our beds in two weeks, my baby daughter spent the night in the morgue.
Hard to hear, harder to think about and excruciating to experience.
There is nothing unhealthy about anyway someone chooses to outwardly grieve and honor their child. The only thing that is unhealthy is societies unending aversion to things and situations that make them uncomfortable.
Life is full of awkward situations and uncomfortable moments. If it makes you uncomfortable it's your problem, not theirs. I'm sure she's not forcing anyone to attend or participate in the "party/toy collection" of her late child.
For those who've never experienced losing a child, I envy you all. I truly do.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:19 pm to fr33manator
Is it ethically wrong? No.
Is it a weird way to grieve? Hell yes.
What if it had been stillborn? Still throw it a birthday party every year? Miscarried? Throw a party for that too? I think the repulsion is that it's a little macabre and everyone that's invited is put in an awkward social position, especially for a 1 month baby that no one besides the parents had any real relationship with.
Is it a weird way to grieve? Hell yes.
What if it had been stillborn? Still throw it a birthday party every year? Miscarried? Throw a party for that too? I think the repulsion is that it's a little macabre and everyone that's invited is put in an awkward social position, especially for a 1 month baby that no one besides the parents had any real relationship with.
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:19 pm to Spaulding Smails
quote:
Show up every year to the birthday and drop the phrase "seems like your child is running a lite late for their own party"
Posted on 9/11/15 at 12:34 pm to gorillacoco
Does she have any other children?
There's nothing wrong with her celebrating her child, regardless of age every year.
I don't know this person, but this may be their only conceived child? Sounds to me she is proud of her child.
Someone asked, "I wonder how morbid the conversations are at that celebration.." I highly doubt it is morbid by now.. This is forever going to hurt this mother, but it sounds like she has made this more of a memorial and a charitable way to donate in her child's memory.. People have been doing this in all sorts of other ways for years.. This is no different.
Someone else said she will never get over it this way.. Why would anyone ever forget the loss of their child? If anything, this is her way of positively moving forward with her life.. She is going to hurt every year on this day regardless.. why not make something positive of it..? and why are people so quick to judge. You don't have to go just because you were invited. I would imagine she is only inviting friends and family. Be an understanding friend..
There's nothing wrong with her celebrating her child, regardless of age every year.
I don't know this person, but this may be their only conceived child? Sounds to me she is proud of her child.
Someone asked, "I wonder how morbid the conversations are at that celebration.." I highly doubt it is morbid by now.. This is forever going to hurt this mother, but it sounds like she has made this more of a memorial and a charitable way to donate in her child's memory.. People have been doing this in all sorts of other ways for years.. This is no different.
Someone else said she will never get over it this way.. Why would anyone ever forget the loss of their child? If anything, this is her way of positively moving forward with her life.. She is going to hurt every year on this day regardless.. why not make something positive of it..? and why are people so quick to judge. You don't have to go just because you were invited. I would imagine she is only inviting friends and family. Be an understanding friend..
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