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re: So that was awkward
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:15 am to ugasickem
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:15 am to ugasickem
quote:
I used to work in Millworks at Home Depot, ordering doors, and windows and such. I've got my head buried into a computer, and some guy comes up to ask me about some custom stain glass. He knew we didn't sell it but wanted my opinion. I said "JD Glassworks probably could do what you are looking for, but it'll probably cost you an arm and a leg" At that moment, I looked up from the computer and the guy was missing half his fricking arm.
Top 3 stuff right there.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:19 am to tiger114
I stuck my hand out to shake hands with a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. Felt like shite. Habit, I guess.
This post was edited on 11/19/14 at 8:21 am
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:29 am to Breadstick Gun
quote:
Church youth group. I managed to work my way over next to the hot girl. During the prayer, I tried to sneak out a silent fart that turned out to be less than silent.
Not sure which is worse...I had a similiar situation, except I did successfully sneak out a silent fart in Church. No one heard it - BUT, it was rotten and deadly! I felt like everyone in the building could smell it - even the priest on the alter.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:46 am to rebeloke
One time when my kids were young we were visiting my in laws house for the holidays.
At some point my wife and I decided to catch a quickie in her old room for old times sake. What we forgot was that the transmitter for the baby monitor was still on and the receiver was placed on the table in the living room next to my father in laws recliner.
Needless to say he was getting a blow by blow of me railing his daughter under his roof. A few min. in he knocked on the door very loudly and said - Yall are late for church !!
When we came out of the room a bit later he was and we were .
He said to me later - Next time turn the damn baby monitor off. That's when I figured out what had happened.
At some point my wife and I decided to catch a quickie in her old room for old times sake. What we forgot was that the transmitter for the baby monitor was still on and the receiver was placed on the table in the living room next to my father in laws recliner.
Needless to say he was getting a blow by blow of me railing his daughter under his roof. A few min. in he knocked on the door very loudly and said - Yall are late for church !!
When we came out of the room a bit later he was and we were .
He said to me later - Next time turn the damn baby monitor off. That's when I figured out what had happened.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:49 am to rebeloke
one in particular i was an observer...was talking to this woman who had a bad liver, on a transplant list even, and a distended belly. another lawyer friend of mine walks up and starts making small talk...looks at the lady and says "so, how long have you been pregnant?"
"i'm not pregnant."
"oh...hrumph. well...you wanna be?"
holy frick...
"i'm not pregnant."
"oh...hrumph. well...you wanna be?"
holy frick...
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:52 am to Spawn
When I was little, a black man got into the elevator with my parents and I. I pointed and said "Yogi Bear, Yogi Bear."
Posted on 11/19/14 at 8:56 am to chinhoyang
I moved right before my senior year of high school, so new school and all. We are at baseball practice doing some pitching drills.
Well a kid said something sort of sexual, and I hit him with a "That's not what your mom said last night."
Turns out his mother and father had been killed in a car accident like 6 months before. Which I learned in the seconds following the mom joke. He got very quiet and never really talked to me again.
How the hell was I supposed to know?
Well a kid said something sort of sexual, and I hit him with a "That's not what your mom said last night."
Turns out his mother and father had been killed in a car accident like 6 months before. Which I learned in the seconds following the mom joke. He got very quiet and never really talked to me again.
How the hell was I supposed to know?
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:01 am to BoogaBear
quote:
Well a kid said something sort of sexual, and I hit him with a "That's not what your mom said last night."
Turns out his mother and father had been killed in a car accident like 6 months before. Which I learned in the seconds following the mom joke. He got very quiet and never really talked to me again.
I knew a guy who would double down on those, assuming that the kid was lying about his dead mother to make him feel bad. The situations would play out like this...
"Thats not what your mom said last night"
"Dude, my mom is dead"
"Oooooohhhhhh, thats why she didnt move"
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:07 am to rebeloke
I was alone in an elevator at my friend's apartment building in Atlanta a few years ago, and on comes a nice young black gentleman that is somehow holding 3 watermelons. Being the bigot little shite that I was, I thought it would be hilarious to get a picture of this walking stereotype. So I discretely pull out my phone, get the angle just right so he doesn't notice, and take the picture.
In that moment, I forgot I had the flash on, as well as the volume, so a nice "krr-chick" photo sound fills the elevator, and it becomes clear to the nice gentleman that I had just taken a photo of him. He looks at me, I look back at him, and the silence is brutal. And then, as the elevator comes to a stop and the door opens, he shakes his head disapprovingly as it is now obvious that I am a piece of shite racist. He walks off the elevator, and I reevaluate my life.
In that moment, I forgot I had the flash on, as well as the volume, so a nice "krr-chick" photo sound fills the elevator, and it becomes clear to the nice gentleman that I had just taken a photo of him. He looks at me, I look back at him, and the silence is brutal. And then, as the elevator comes to a stop and the door opens, he shakes his head disapprovingly as it is now obvious that I am a piece of shite racist. He walks off the elevator, and I reevaluate my life.
This post was edited on 11/19/14 at 10:06 am
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:20 am to Spawn
When I was in college, I was a student worker. I had to deliver some flyers for an event to the current state capitol.
They wanted me to place some of them at the observation deck. I got there, knowing that the elevators there can take some time, as it was fairly busy that day.
As I walked to the elevator area, there was an "almost full" elevator just about to close.
I darted for the elevator and turned sideways to try to squeeze between the shutting doors. I was pretty sure I was going to trip one of those sensors and have the doors reopen.
Nope.
Got slammed, right down the middle, between the doors. Then they kind of half opened again and quickly slammed me again -- then opened all the way. It was a noisy, violent and I imagine hilariously awkward scene.
A guy in the elevator jerked me inside by the shirt sleeve and said "Christ, kid!" and nothing else.
The doors slowly closed and I had a very long, ride up to the top, packed in with people who were suppressing laughter and the urge to call me a dumbass.
They wanted me to place some of them at the observation deck. I got there, knowing that the elevators there can take some time, as it was fairly busy that day.
As I walked to the elevator area, there was an "almost full" elevator just about to close.
I darted for the elevator and turned sideways to try to squeeze between the shutting doors. I was pretty sure I was going to trip one of those sensors and have the doors reopen.
Nope.
Got slammed, right down the middle, between the doors. Then they kind of half opened again and quickly slammed me again -- then opened all the way. It was a noisy, violent and I imagine hilariously awkward scene.
A guy in the elevator jerked me inside by the shirt sleeve and said "Christ, kid!" and nothing else.
The doors slowly closed and I had a very long, ride up to the top, packed in with people who were suppressing laughter and the urge to call me a dumbass.
This post was edited on 9/24/20 at 8:25 pm
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:22 am to rebeloke
quote:
The VP had Tony Robinson's books behind his desk. I could not respect the man after I knew he was a Robinsob cronie. He could tell.
So you told him that you had an issue with the Tony Robinson thing?
This post was edited on 11/19/14 at 9:23 am
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:35 am to shinerfan
Hard to pick the winner here but I give you a slight edge right now.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:41 am to Jblac15
I was standing in my brother's wedding and the photographer obviously wasn't a professional, and I said something like "why are we wasting our time with this nobody."
My very new sister-in-law pointed out it was her aunt, and the whole bridal party gave me the stank.
My very new sister-in-law pointed out it was her aunt, and the whole bridal party gave me the stank.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:43 am to supadave3
I asked him about the books is all. But because I didn't give the man a BJ and then say by the way, Tony is the man, he could tell I was not a huge fan. Hell, as these years later I don't even know how to spell his name. He was sensitive to his support of Tony, like he was once a real loser and Tony saved his life. Losers who make it through self help are like fat girls who get skinny. No matter how fine a former fatty is, she still feels like a fat girl inside.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:44 am to rebeloke
I was in class in undergrad sitting between two really gorgeous girls and after chatting with both of them prior to the start of class , was feeling pretty good. About halfway through class my pen rolled off my desk onto the floor. When I leaned over a loud fart made its escape. All noise, all pen tapping and paper rustling in the class ceased and the professor even paused mid sentence for what seemed like a minute but was probably 2 seconds. I shot bolt upright and began praying God would have mercy and render it scentless, but no such luck. No one made a visible reaction but it took real resolve to be that polite to me. Meanwhile, I broke out into a sweat on my forearms as droplets of sweat began to form but not run off. My arms looked like the hood of a new car after a small rain shower. I said nothing and didn't move for the next 30 minutes. everyone knew who it was because the class desks were arranged in a manner where we were facing each other. I skipped the next 2 weeks of class.
This post was edited on 11/19/14 at 10:22 am
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:49 am to lsewwww
quote:
About 1980 in Maine- Burger King- I blurt out to my mom in my loudest 4 year old voice "Look mom, a black man!". Had never seen one before except on TV. Mom was pissed and I'm sure the guy was too
I am sure he and the other black guy in Maine had a laugh about it later.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:51 am to nc14
When in college, I worked as a server in a restaurant. One night, we were slammed and I realized that I had been sat with another table. I was already in the process of doing something, but figured I would grab a drink order from the table since I was walking past it. I quickly stop and ask if what they'd like to drink. The dad says something like "1 tea, a Coke and 2 Sprites'. I say ok and quickly start to leave. After about 2 steps, I turn around and say "I'm sorry, I'm retarded, did you say a Coke and 2 Sprites or 2 Cokes and a Sprite". An awkward silence ensued. I finally glance over to the kids and the son had Downs Syndrome. My jaw dropped. I had no idea what to say. I begged other servers to please take the table but no one would since we were so slammed. I recovered though, I paid a lot of attention to the son throughout the meal and made it a point to ensure he had a good time. At the end of the meal, the Dad shook my hand and they left me a pretty good tip. They could tell I felt like a complete jack arse.
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:52 am to TheDeathValley
So I'm in the car with my friend and his girlfriend. Girlfriend is talking about her younger sister and how this will probably be the last year she will believe in Santa Claus, she says her sister is going to be upset when she finds out. So I chime in at that moment, "Well, if she is going to be upset about Santa, just wait until she finds out about God." Car went silent, not my best moment.
This post was edited on 11/19/14 at 9:55 am
Posted on 11/19/14 at 9:55 am to rebeloke
at the gym this hot chick was on the nautilus machine (you know, the one where you spread your legs and squeeze them together?)...dude across the floor tried to do a discreet pic of her acting like he was texting...his flash went off!
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