I Lived The Feminist Dream. I Want My Money Back.

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We were sold the lie to go after our careers, make money, and make our mark on the world first, and then go find a partner once we've accomplished A through C. We used to have a backstop against some of this—our biological clock ticking louder around our mid-thirties—but we did an end run around that too, with egg freezing. And the worst part of it is that we, women, did this to ourselves. Not a single man told us to do any of this. In fact, historically, they’ve been pretty petulant about the whole thing, but we pushed right through that sentiment by calling them all “toxic” and threatening them with cancellation if they didn’t comply. We are our own worst enemy, and the architects of our own demise.

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While we were busy climbing the corporate ladder, raising unheard of amounts of money, and optimizing ourselves in every possible way, the men in our cohort weren’t just waiting around for us to feel "ready" to settle down. They were dating, and as we aged up, still too busy self-actualizing for them, they continued to date twenty-year-olds (women in their fertile prime, because that’s what men are biologically programmed to find attractive). So we freeze our eggs, maybe buying us some additional time. Ten years go by. Surely, the men left in their forties are still single because they're looking for something real, something mature; a woman of substance. Wrong. They're still dating twenty-year-olds, just now with a hair transplant and an eye-rolling age gap. And it’s not really their fault; it’s mostly biology. Men have about the same fertility as they age until well into their sixties. Up until that point, they will be pursuing women in their fertile prime, as their biological directive is telling them to procreate, and with a mate with the highest likelihood of success to carry on the gene pool.

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Feminism sold us the lie that being a well-rounded, articulate, and successful woman would up the value of our stock; the investment in ourselves was worth it. In reality, it does absolutely nothing to our market value and, actually in some cases, lowers it, as many men prefer to be more successful and smarter than their partners. Women date laterally and up, men date laterally (sometimes), but mostly down. Most men couldn’t care less if you're successful or incredible intelligent, or have any amount of self-knowledge you might have gleaned on your therapy journey. Sure, those things are “nice-to-haves,” but often they don’t even come into their assessments until after you’ve already been dating for a while. They have the ability to make a marginal difference, at best. Men, even when they say they want someone they can ‘talk to on their level,’ are kind of kidding themselves—they look mostly for biological markers of fertility and high estrogen (waist-to-hip ratio, full lips, heart-shaped face), and as far as talking goes… they just want someone to listen. It’s women who want someone to tak to on their level—another gross mis-assessment of feminism.

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