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ADHD and clutter

Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:29 am
Posted by TigerBaitOohHaHa
Member since Jan 2023
1284 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:29 am
Are there any nonADHD spouses out there who have created a good way to manage their ADHD spouses clutter?

My husbands method for “remembering” things is to leave stuff on counters, desks, surfaces, etc. the problem with this method is many layers build up and stuff on the bottom gets missed, goes unpaid..We had “cubby holes” built into the kitchen for mail labeled: taxes, bills, renewals, but he gets really pissed off when I file papers accordingly.

His system isn’t working for us and I refuse to live in a mess.

This post was edited on 6/11/25 at 7:30 am
Posted by AUin02
Member since Jan 2012
4429 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:31 am to
Here to take any notes as well. My wife is a flat surface queen, I can clear all the kitchen counters after dinner and those frickers will be cluttered right back up before morning.
Posted by Bamamojo
Member since Sep 2010
565 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:32 am to
I am not living in that shite either. Put it back in its place. Part of the reason I’m divorced I guess lol
This post was edited on 6/11/25 at 7:33 am
Posted by facher08
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2011
5199 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:34 am to
quote:

My husbands method for “remembering” things is to leave stuff on counters, desks, surfaces, etc.


We're moving my parents into a new house and trying to break my mom out of this. Here for this thread.
Posted by Huck Finn
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2009
2507 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:34 am to
What happens when both spouses are ADHD?


:my house:
Posted by Commandeaux
Zachary
Member since Jul 2009
7754 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:35 am to
quote:

My husbands


You know the rules. Pics of you.
Posted by sleepytime
Member since Feb 2014
3768 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:35 am to
I just thought my wife had a fear of flat surfaces.
Posted by michael corleone
baton rouge
Member since Jun 2005
6204 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:36 am to
The problem is that they can only wrap their mind around the “now“, as opposed to the future. As a result, everything they think about you relates to now. Best way to handle it is create a pattern that has to be followed every single time. For example, all documents have to be reviewed and dealt with now. Same with mail. Same with dirty clothes. Same with clean clothes. If you allow them to put off the action until the future, it either won’t get done or the “actions“ will pile up until it seems overwhelming.
Posted by deltadummy
Member since Mar 2025
503 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:36 am to
I think that - wait, what was the question again?
Posted by El Segundo Guy
SE OK
Member since Aug 2014
10961 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:36 am to
Adult ADHD. Oh what a timeline.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
145170 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:38 am to
frick his wife
Posted by The Mick
Member since Oct 2010
44507 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:38 am to
Set him up with his own area to put stuff (like his night stand or his bathroom sink area). He can remind himself there, but not in common areas of the home.
Posted by el Gaucho
He/They
Member since Dec 2010
57034 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:40 am to
ADHD isn’t real


If you have to take drugs to sit at a desk or whatever that’s a sign from God that you were meant to do manual labor
Posted by dyslexiateechur
Louisiana
Member since Jan 2009
34595 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:41 am to
That’s actually a really good question. My husband is the one who manages my ADHD clutter and without complaint.

I’ll have to ask him how he does it.
Posted by BoogaBear
Member since Jul 2013
6552 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:43 am to
We downsized to move into our current house/property. There's not as much flat surface to put stuff except my office. Everything ends up on my desk.

The fridge is the worst though, no matter the object, open fridge and first place it fits it goes right there.
Posted by Loup
Ferriday
Member since Apr 2019
14488 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:43 am to
quote:

My wife is a flat surface queen, I can clear all the kitchen counters after dinner and those frickers will be cluttered right back up before morning.


my wife is the same way. I swear she gets up in the middle of the night to move her purse and keys to the kitchen table instead of the hooks where they belong. She's also really bad about taking her shoes off and leaving them smack in the middle of the living room. She sees an empty space and her eyes start glowing as she's imagining all the shite she can leave there.
Posted by TigerBaitOohHaHa
Member since Jan 2023
1284 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:49 am to
quote:

You know the rules. Pics of you.


Not gonna happen, but I hold my own.

Posted by scott8811
Ratchet City, LA
Member since Oct 2014
12443 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:50 am to
I'm the ADHD spouse here and you don't need to live like that. I NEED things to be in their place or I'll never find it. That said I can work to have a logical place for things ..my keys wallet on a shelf in my closet, papers in my briefcase etc.

Now.... my wife leaves her keys wherever and she drives the family car so when I have to drive it I throw a 5 minute fit cause I can never fucjing find them and she's unresponsive or says...eh they're somewhere...maybe in a purse
Posted by Locoguan0
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Nov 2017
6329 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:50 am to
The disorganization is attributable to ADHD. The behavior is attributable to being an a-hole. He has to be willing to improve. He should also be medicated, if he is not.

There is a real psychological phenomenon called horizontal surface clutter theory. Basically, when we see horizontal surfaces, we see available space for organization. Poor organizational methods lead to clutter. The only way to deal with this is to embrace better organizational methods, reduce horizontal surfaces by using vertical storage (my office desk has several pegboards with labeled bins and hooks), and to actively address clutter before it happens by having scheduled "micro de-cluttering". (I follow the 2-minute rule. If you can take care of it in two minutes or less, do not delay, do it right away. An example would be to not just set your mail down. Look at it, put it in the right place, toss the junk. Takes less than two minutes.)

This post was edited on 6/11/25 at 7:55 am
Posted by L1C4
The Ville
Member since Aug 2017
15607 posts
Posted on 6/11/25 at 7:51 am to
Are you sure he has ADHD or he's just messy?
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