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re: Guys who got divorced with kids; how do you deal with being away from your kids?
Posted on 12/30/23 at 3:18 am to BeerMoney
Posted on 12/30/23 at 3:18 am to BeerMoney
quote:
All I know is when I have to deal with my kids without my wife, it’s exhausting. I don’t know how people do it alone. She’d have to really frick up for me to get rid of her!
We have a division of labor thing. She handles meals (mostly), and minor things, I’m the a-hole when shite needs addressing, except that if she’s all wound up, I end up being the voice of reason while she’s ranting or nagging.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 6:23 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
quote:
how do you deal with being away from your kids?
I work in oilfield. I've always been away from them. I'm hoping to get into an apprenticeship this summer and have them full time until they graduate.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 6:45 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
quote:
how do you deal with being away from your kids?
Pro tip:
Get along with their mother. You don’t need to be married to her, but be civil and don’t agitate her and she’ll be open to letting you see them whenever you/they want.
This, of course, depends on also not being a degenerate person.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 7:14 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
Going through a divorce now. It’s hard but I can see my son whenever I want. Me and my soon to be ex don’t want to make things any harder on our son than they already are.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 7:19 am to fightin tigers
quote:
Question still stands, how will you cope with not being around them?
No it doesn’t. Knowing that you will get to see them at the end of the day when you get home is totally different.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 7:39 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
For context, I have one. A daughter, she is 9 now. My exwife has her every Monday and Tuesday. I have her every Wednesday and Thursday. We rotate with each having her every other weekend.
I use our time apart to recharge. I spend time with my girlfriend, go to the gym, travel some, take care of the house.
When she comes back to me, I am rested and ready to give her my best efforts. I am a better Dad now than when I was with her Mom, who could still the joy from a Saint.
In three words I can explain all of this: Life goes on…
You will learn a new normal. Sometimes, it’s better than the old.
I use our time apart to recharge. I spend time with my girlfriend, go to the gym, travel some, take care of the house.
When she comes back to me, I am rested and ready to give her my best efforts. I am a better Dad now than when I was with her Mom, who could still the joy from a Saint.
In three words I can explain all of this: Life goes on…
You will learn a new normal. Sometimes, it’s better than the old.
This post was edited on 12/30/23 at 7:40 am
Posted on 12/30/23 at 7:44 am to The People
The guilt of the divorce and what the kids went through going through will never go away, not matter how old they are.
It's extremely hard on them as well.
It's extremely hard on them as well.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 7:53 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
It does but it is not about you anymore. I gave up Christmas morning, Thanksgiving and Fathers Day because my ex had a big family and I have no brothers or sisters. So I let my kids spend the holidays with all of the cousins, etc. More fun for them than hanging with just me. We took great trips and had fun every time we were together. They turned out ok. One is a teacher and the other one an accountant. Put their needs before yours.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 7:55 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
It’s very tough at first. My best advice is to stay active. I was always in the gym, or biking or hiking when I didn’t have my kids. Either that or FaceTiming them. It’s hard sending them back and being alone but if your situation was like mine you can view it as a temporary setback for the greater good. Mine certainly was. Alcoholic and mentally ill mother. I now have primary custody and have my kids 99% of the time. Long hard fight but it was worth it. And yes it does get easier.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:04 am to jamiegla1
quote:
She is becoming harder to figure out.
As a dad of two girls that have grown up, gotten married and have kids of their own, here is my advice on this...
Keep in mind that however difficult it is for you to "figure out" your girl, she is probably experiencing the same thing except more so... And the world that she lives in (friends, school, ect..) are not going to be too helpful..
IMO.. (and I am no expert!) the key is being patient, having some level of thick skin, and continually making efforts to get into their world and hear/understand what they are feeling and experiencing.. Which is usually a monumental task for any dad and their daughter...
The effort I made along those lines was to be a source of love and affirmation to them.. This is not random in the sense we all have our own unique love language and requires you to understand what your daughter's love language is... In times of turmoil (of which there were a constant cycle of... "wink wink") I would either simply shelter through the storm or in some cases ask questions (which were generally genuine) to try and connect with them emotionally to understand what they are going through (This requires listening.. ) generally they will come to understand and appreciate the empathy ... Any boundary issues that need to be addressed are usually best addressed after the storm has passed! At the end of the day its about helping your daughter through this transition emotionally and coming out on the other side of it with a deeper father/daughter bond...
Finally keep in mind (at least in the beginning) your daughter will be as confused and bewildered as you.. So patience and playing the long game is important..
Hope this helps...
This post was edited on 12/30/23 at 8:14 am
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:29 am to The People
quote:
I use our time apart to recharge. I spend time with my girlfriend, go to the gym, travel some, take care of the house. When she comes back to me, I am rested and ready to give her my best efforts.
This. Anything else will drive you insane. Holidays suck major arse.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:31 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
It does. Every time I bring him back.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:47 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
You gotta do what my SIL ex husband did and find a great, patient and strong woman to handle all of the adult things. Even though she's out of his league physically and financially he kept cheating so she left him. Dude spent the last 2 years of the marriage trying to start a construction company that never profited a dime and he eventually got removed from by his partner. After the divorce the guy gets to stay at her house and watch the kids while she works. He just had her cancel a Disney trip bc he pitched a fit he wasn't invited. He's essentially a deadbeat nanny.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:49 am to SuperSaint
quote:
Decisions have consequences
quote:
SuperSaint
You're such a fricktard.
This post was edited on 12/30/23 at 8:49 am
Posted on 12/30/23 at 8:49 am to jamiegla1
This is so true. It can screw with your career because you don’t want to move away from your kids. I did this for three years and ended up coming back.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 10:30 am to Sofaking2
I fought and won custody of my kids. My ex is insane so I had to protect them. I can't imagine being away from them at that time, I feel for you dad's.
But raising a 3 year old boy, and 6 year old girl alone was brutal. I did it and one is about to finish college, the other about to start.
But raising a 3 year old boy, and 6 year old girl alone was brutal. I did it and one is about to finish college, the other about to start.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 10:38 am to ob1pimpbobi
I basically was numb after I dropped him off until I wpuld get him back. I filled that time with anything to keep me distracted working out, drinking, smoking, work, video games. It got easier after I got together with my wife and kids, but it always stings when he leaves
FaceTime was not a thing yet so that was not an option I think that could really help with missing them so much.
FaceTime was not a thing yet so that was not an option I think that could really help with missing them so much.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 10:44 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
Depends on the ex-wife almost entirely. Is she a good woman who wants her kids to have a father and puts their welfare and long-term health first? Or is she a narcissistic destroyer of worlds who will climb over mountains and swim rivers to hurt the father and keep him away from the kids? Somewhere in the middle is where most of it happens.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 10:44 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
It’s awful, spent a lot of time dating around just because I hated being alone. It really doesn’t get better but be honest with your kids and they will see the truth in the matter. It is to the point now where they dread going to their moms and the oldest kids asked to live with me. Now even the youngest starting high school is refusing to live with her. The saddest part is she moved an hour away and she is okay with them living with me. I don’t know what would make a mom just check out but honestly I think it has a lot to do with her own upbringing. I still encourage them to spend time with her and I never say a negative thing about her. Keep this attitude and as they get older they will know the truth. Remarried a great girl and she is wonderful with my kids and they love her to death. Life is good although it took some time, hang in there.
Posted on 12/30/23 at 10:50 am to Hawgnsincebirth55
I have shared custody that 3.5 days 3.5 days each week. My ex lives a mile down the road. I can see my daughters pretty much whenever i want. When I get time for myself i am grateful.
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