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Is it okay for a girl to give her boyfriend an ultimatum about proposing?
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:16 pm
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:16 pm
Seems so forced, obviously.
But for many reasons, people, especially women (child birthing concerns), deserve to be free to move on if the SO just isn’t in that place.
But I think the best course to take is for the woman to set an private deadline, communicate clear prompts, and then end it if it doesn’t happen.
Any experiences in this regard?
But for many reasons, people, especially women (child birthing concerns), deserve to be free to move on if the SO just isn’t in that place.
But I think the best course to take is for the woman to set an private deadline, communicate clear prompts, and then end it if it doesn’t happen.
Any experiences in this regard?
81
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:17 pm to Havoc
As long as she’s OK with him telling her to get lost.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:18 pm to Havoc
The deadline is the red flag
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:18 pm to Havoc
If you give in and lose this round you will never win another one.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:20 pm to Havoc
Trying to have open and honest discussions about whether the couple wants to get married and when is important.
Either party saying to himself / herself, 'If the other one isn't ready by X date, then I've got to move on,' is fine.
Delivering an ultimatum is a recipe for a big mistake.
Either party saying to himself / herself, 'If the other one isn't ready by X date, then I've got to move on,' is fine.
Delivering an ultimatum is a recipe for a big mistake.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:22 pm to Havoc
Is it “okay”? Sure I guess.
It’s pretty pointless though IMO. Your proposed course of action makes more sense.
An ultimatum is kind of childish tbh, it purports to make it someone else’s fault if you leave because you’re dissatisfied with something. Adults make clear what they want early and often and have the self-respect to leave and find it somewhere else if the need isn’t being met. Children stamp their feet and demand things because they lack the power to seek it out for themselves.
And to be clear I think a woman is well within her right to expect a permanent commitment of some kind after dating for a while, since they’re on the clock in a way that a man isn’t. I just don’t see how an ultimatum is a productive or useful means to that end.
It’s pretty pointless though IMO. Your proposed course of action makes more sense.
An ultimatum is kind of childish tbh, it purports to make it someone else’s fault if you leave because you’re dissatisfied with something. Adults make clear what they want early and often and have the self-respect to leave and find it somewhere else if the need isn’t being met. Children stamp their feet and demand things because they lack the power to seek it out for themselves.
And to be clear I think a woman is well within her right to expect a permanent commitment of some kind after dating for a while, since they’re on the clock in a way that a man isn’t. I just don’t see how an ultimatum is a productive or useful means to that end.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:26 pm to Havoc
It’s okay, but it’s a terrible idea.
Many boyfriends will cave and propose and both parties will go down a very shitty path.
Many boyfriends will cave and propose and both parties will go down a very shitty path.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:27 pm to Havoc
While it's not okay, we also have this weird thing going on now where people refuse to actually commit.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:28 pm to Havoc
I don't know any great marriages thay started with an ultimatum. 
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:33 pm to Havoc
Purpose of life is, foremost, to reproduce. If you are keeping another person from fulfilling their biological responsibilities then they have a right to know.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:36 pm to Havoc
Guess I made it easy for my wife while we were early in college. After meeting her by chance while I was with a mutual friend, and immediately knowing I was going to marry her, I got her number and started getting to know her. I told her early on I wasn’t wasting her time and that our relationship would result in marriage unless it became obvious that we weren’t compatible. That didn’t scare her away, and we got married after graduating.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:43 pm to Havoc
IMO an ultimatum is never good. About anything.
You can say what you expect or would like to happen. Then let things play out. Answers will become obvious. We are all ultimately in charge of our own decisions and destiny.
If you have to elicit a proposal/commitment/ proclamation of love by demand what good is it?
You can say what you expect or would like to happen. Then let things play out. Answers will become obvious. We are all ultimately in charge of our own decisions and destiny.
If you have to elicit a proposal/commitment/ proclamation of love by demand what good is it?
This post was edited on 11/14/23 at 10:45 pm
Posted on 11/14/23 at 10:55 pm to Havoc
I would never be okay with knowing my boyfriend/husband proposed because I begged or threatened to leave if he didn’t. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.
Posted on 11/14/23 at 11:24 pm to Havoc
The timeframe is an important factor that I haven't seen discussed yet lol
An ultimatum after 5 years of dating is understandable
An ultimatum after 9 months, the guy needs to gtfo
An ultimatum after 5 years of dating is understandable
An ultimatum after 9 months, the guy needs to gtfo
Posted on 11/14/23 at 11:47 pm to Havoc
Of course, her life, wants, and dreams all matter too. She should be prepared and ready in the answer isn’t what she wants as well though
Posted on 11/15/23 at 12:07 am to Havoc
I would say ok and then get to that date and still not have asked.
If the relationship means that little to her, then it’s a good thing she is moving on.
If the relationship means that little to her, then it’s a good thing she is moving on.
Posted on 11/15/23 at 12:24 am to OKBoomerSooner
quote:
Adults make clear what they want early and often and have the self-respect to leave and find it somewhere else if the need isn’t being met.
Isn’t that essentially what the ultimatum is?
And it doesn’t have to be so adversarial. Just a matter of two people being in two different places.
Posted on 11/15/23 at 12:29 am to Havoc
Ultimatums aren’t great for balance in a relationship, but if she wants to get married, then she deserves to know if that’s a real probability. No one wants to be strung along.
Posted on 11/15/23 at 12:56 am to Havoc
quote:
Is it okay for a girl to give her boyfriend an ultimatum about proposing?
No. Dump her.
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