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re: What's your best "dad joke" or one-liners?
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:25 pm to Will Cover
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:25 pm to Will Cover
You know how you spell pirate?
With one eye
With one eye
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:26 pm to fr33manator
What is Tom Hanks email password
1forrest1
1forrest1
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:27 pm to Will Cover
Why'd the blind woman fall down the well?
She couldn't see that well
She couldn't see that well
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:29 pm to Will Cover
"Dad, I'm hungry!"
"Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"
"Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:33 pm to Will Cover
I have a lot of Elevator jokes I keep on hand. They work on a lot of levels.
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “Five beers, please”
You’ll never starve in the desert because of all the sand which is there
Indoor fish tanks have a calming effect on your brain...because of all the indoor fins
Everytime I ask what LGBTQX stands for, I never get a straight answer
Did you know dogs can’t operate MRI machines? But cats can
Oh Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah he woke up eventually
Did you hear about the new poll that came out about the Dwarves? Turns out 6 out of 7 weren’t happy
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France? Yeah, it was actually cooked in Greece
What did Yoda say when he first saw Star Wars in HD? HDMI
Did I tell you about the time I burned my Hawaiian pizza? I should’ve cooked it at aloha temperature
Do you know the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi? (both in United Arab Emirates) People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do
Do you know the actual definition of a will? Oh cmon it’s a dead giveaway
I asked my North Korean friend how it was living there. He said he couldn't complain...
One time my friend threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me. I said what the Hellman
Did you know they banned the orchestra from Public TV? Had too much sax and violins
Had to quit my construction job a few days ago. I put in my too weak notice
One of my friends was balding so he went to the dollar store and grabbed a wig. It was a small price toupee
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “Five beers, please”
You’ll never starve in the desert because of all the sand which is there
Indoor fish tanks have a calming effect on your brain...because of all the indoor fins
Everytime I ask what LGBTQX stands for, I never get a straight answer
Did you know dogs can’t operate MRI machines? But cats can
Oh Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah he woke up eventually
Did you hear about the new poll that came out about the Dwarves? Turns out 6 out of 7 weren’t happy
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France? Yeah, it was actually cooked in Greece
What did Yoda say when he first saw Star Wars in HD? HDMI
Did I tell you about the time I burned my Hawaiian pizza? I should’ve cooked it at aloha temperature
Do you know the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi? (both in United Arab Emirates) People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do
Do you know the actual definition of a will? Oh cmon it’s a dead giveaway
I asked my North Korean friend how it was living there. He said he couldn't complain...
One time my friend threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me. I said what the Hellman
Did you know they banned the orchestra from Public TV? Had too much sax and violins
Had to quit my construction job a few days ago. I put in my too weak notice
One of my friends was balding so he went to the dollar store and grabbed a wig. It was a small price toupee
This post was edited on 9/4/23 at 6:35 pm
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:37 pm to Will Cover
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint
I went to the doctor and he said my DNA was backwards. I said “And.”
I will see myself out now
Blue paint
I went to the doctor and he said my DNA was backwards. I said “And.”
I will see myself out now
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:42 pm to Sponge
I got behind a one legged man at an ATM. He was checking his balance.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:42 pm to When in Rome
What your mom dont know want hurt us.
This post was edited on 9/7/23 at 8:38 am
Posted on 9/4/23 at 6:46 pm to Will Cover
The best is while on a long road trip and you pass one of the many places in the US named for other places… such as Cuba, AL, Moscow, MI, Paris, TX, etc. and you say “Whoa, we must have taken a wrong turn!!”
This post was edited on 9/4/23 at 6:47 pm
Posted on 9/4/23 at 7:14 pm to Will Cover
Posted on 9/4/23 at 7:16 pm to LoveThatMoney
Where do bad rainbows go?
Prism.
But don’t worry. It is a light sentence to they can reflect.
Prism.
But don’t worry. It is a light sentence to they can reflect.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 7:40 pm to jscrims
What’s the German word for “bra”?
Stopemfromfloppen.
Stopemfromfloppen.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 7:48 pm to TSmith
Every time we’d pass through Hammond:
Dad: You know what Hammond is famous for
Me: No
Dad: you’ve never heard of Ham and Eggs
Then the next time
Dad: you know what Hammond is famous for
Me: Ham and eggs
Dad: What? No, their strawberry’s you dumbass.
Dad: You know what Hammond is famous for
Me: No
Dad: you’ve never heard of Ham and Eggs
Then the next time
Dad: you know what Hammond is famous for
Me: Ham and eggs
Dad: What? No, their strawberry’s you dumbass.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 7:51 pm to Will Cover
I found out today I’m colorblind. Had no idea, hit me right out of the purple.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 7:59 pm to mceuph
What's the German word for constipated?
Farfrompoopin
What's the German word for bra?
Stopemfromfloppin
And my greatest dad moment.
Commercial about some new sparkling water.
Wife: "geez, everyone is making a sparkling water now"
Me: "would you say that market is...saturated?"
Farfrompoopin
What's the German word for bra?
Stopemfromfloppin
And my greatest dad moment.
Commercial about some new sparkling water.
Wife: "geez, everyone is making a sparkling water now"
Me: "would you say that market is...saturated?"
Posted on 9/4/23 at 8:00 pm to Will Cover
My family's concerned about my addiction to brake fluid. But I know I can stop whenever I need to.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 8:05 pm to Cuz413
My teacher told me to turn in my essay. I said I ain’t no snitch.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 8:05 pm to fr33manator
quote:
You know how you spell pirate? With one eye
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It’s rated Rrrrrr.
What’s a pirates favorite letter.
C.
What did the pirate pay for his earrings?
Buck an ear.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 8:09 pm to Will Cover
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
Posted on 9/4/23 at 8:12 pm to jembeurt
Dad: “I’ve heard someone has been going around telling everyone you do an amazing Owl impression.”
Child: “Who?”
Child: “Who?”
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