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Message
Encouraging grandparents to move closer to grandkids or simplify. Anyone ever done this?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:48 am
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:48 am
Situation:
-My wife's parents have been retired for over a decade now.
-We have the only grandkids, but if they moved here, they'd also be within just a few hours of their other child.
-They were always borderline hoarders, and now really can't keep up with their house.
-Health is declining for both of them, and almost all of "granny's" appointments are here in ATL area anyway, and they stay with us. "Grandad" often overdoes it and has had heart issues, among other things.
-We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough. (we can't stay at their house because of hoarding).
-We (mostly me) worry a LOT about having to deal with their house when the time comes. I'd rather get ahead of it.
-Their social circle has mostly died or moved away. They have a bigger group of friends in Florida than where they live now (near Military base where he retired).
We have talked to them about moving into a retirement community, either here or in Florida, but it actually makes them a little mad. They are more concerned about having to get rid of stuff than anything else, it seems like. They literally (literally) go to Florida from Georgia 1-2 times per month currently. They own a condo at the beach they could even just move into.
We'd be happy with either solution, if they chose to live near us or in Florida. I just don't see how they can stay in the house they are in, it is massive and pointless.
Anyone ever dealt with this with success?
-My wife's parents have been retired for over a decade now.
-We have the only grandkids, but if they moved here, they'd also be within just a few hours of their other child.
-They were always borderline hoarders, and now really can't keep up with their house.
-Health is declining for both of them, and almost all of "granny's" appointments are here in ATL area anyway, and they stay with us. "Grandad" often overdoes it and has had heart issues, among other things.
-We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough. (we can't stay at their house because of hoarding).
-We (mostly me) worry a LOT about having to deal with their house when the time comes. I'd rather get ahead of it.
-Their social circle has mostly died or moved away. They have a bigger group of friends in Florida than where they live now (near Military base where he retired).
We have talked to them about moving into a retirement community, either here or in Florida, but it actually makes them a little mad. They are more concerned about having to get rid of stuff than anything else, it seems like. They literally (literally) go to Florida from Georgia 1-2 times per month currently. They own a condo at the beach they could even just move into.
We'd be happy with either solution, if they chose to live near us or in Florida. I just don't see how they can stay in the house they are in, it is massive and pointless.
Anyone ever dealt with this with success?
36
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:51 am to concrete_tiger
Deep down people are always going to want to live where they want to live. Regardless of family or other circumstances.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:51 am to concrete_tiger
Every day. Parents and Inlaws. If someone has the answer to get them to let go of possessions please share.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:53 am to concrete_tiger
Sounds like the hoarding is the key issue here
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:54 am to concrete_tiger
Yes, and they never move
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:59 am to concrete_tiger
Similar boat with MIL.
Roll off dumpster and skid steer rental will be the answer
Roll off dumpster and skid steer rental will be the answer
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:05 am to concrete_tiger
Hoardiding is a mental disorder. At that age it's likely too late for them. You will have to hire a company to haul off everything in their house and dispose of it.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:05 am to concrete_tiger
Yes. Going thru this with my in-laws. They moved to FL in 2019 (from TX where we are). Their health went to shite and now it is stressful. My wife has a few siblings but she is by far the most successful so we are expected to lead support which is hard.
My mom lives in Slidell by herself too so that is a thing. She is in good health for now. My sister lives In Alexandria with her family at least so she can help there if required.
My mom lives in Slidell by herself too so that is a thing. She is in good health for now. My sister lives In Alexandria with her family at least so she can help there if required.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:07 am to concrete_tiger
Sometimes you have to take charge and force the issue. They may not like it but in the long run they will appreciate it. It was hard prying my mom out of the house. Often times they are overwhelmed by moving. You have to make it as easy in them as possible. The problem is it will be hard on you but well worth it. 
In short get them out before their health completely fails
In short get them out before their health completely fails
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:10 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough. (we can't stay at their house because of hoarding).
They need to shut that shite down, that’s a situation that is solely on them.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:12 am to concrete_tiger
Sorry baw me and your mom decided we don’t want to watch your little hellion anymore so you can go to marvel movies and comic con
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:13 am to concrete_tiger
Do whatever is in the best interest of YOUR children. This is hard to hear, but put the vast majority of your time, effort and money to better the life of your kids who have their whole lives in front of them, not into grandparents.
I know people who insist on living in, or moving back to rural MS (where schools are terrible and there are no, and will never be, many good jobs) to be close to family. They put themselves and their kids at a disadvantage.
I know people who insist on living in, or moving back to rural MS (where schools are terrible and there are no, and will never be, many good jobs) to be close to family. They put themselves and their kids at a disadvantage.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:20 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
Anyone ever done this?
Nope.
People live where they have priorities and want to live. It may not make sense to everyone else...
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:24 am to concrete_tiger
Kind of in this circumstance right now.
My mom (no pics) is 81 and lives in the house in which I grew up in Savannah, 6 hours from us in Rome. She'll be 50 years in that house come Christmas. My brother lives in Montana.
She's done well decluttering and it's not a big house (1500 sqft on 1/3 acre) but at 81, she's been by herself for nearly 20 years and retired for 12. Most of her social circle has either passed or moved away. It's gotten to the point that her coming here is now a 2 day trip; she just isn't strong enough physically to handle the drive anymore. My son is her only grandchild.
She also suffered a broken wrist this year and I would have liked her closer to help with her recovery. We've discussed her moving here in the past, but I just don't think she wants to go through the effort.
My mom (no pics) is 81 and lives in the house in which I grew up in Savannah, 6 hours from us in Rome. She'll be 50 years in that house come Christmas. My brother lives in Montana.
She's done well decluttering and it's not a big house (1500 sqft on 1/3 acre) but at 81, she's been by herself for nearly 20 years and retired for 12. Most of her social circle has either passed or moved away. It's gotten to the point that her coming here is now a 2 day trip; she just isn't strong enough physically to handle the drive anymore. My son is her only grandchild.
She also suffered a broken wrist this year and I would have liked her closer to help with her recovery. We've discussed her moving here in the past, but I just don't think she wants to go through the effort.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:27 am to concrete_tiger
Maybe give them a reason to move to you, i.e. need help with the grandkids to give them a reason.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:33 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
-We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough
I’m currently so damn tired of this.
Retired Parents live 40 minutes away and are just so frustrated why I can’t take a whole Sunday afternoon to come fart around up at their place. How about you come to me and watch the kids so I can take a damn nap?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:46 am to concrete_tiger
The specifics in this thread don't apply that much to me, but the general theme of aging parents sure hits home. Yesterday my mother had a brief episode where she didn't recognize me. Thankfully it passed, but I'm still shook up.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:07 am to concrete_tiger
Here I am hoping my in-laws move further away.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:09 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
Situation:
-My wife's parents have been retired for over a decade now.
-We have the only grandkids, but if they moved here, they'd also be within just a few hours of their other child.
-They were always borderline hoarders, and now really can't keep up with their house.
-Health is declining for both of them, and almost all of "granny's" appointments are here in ATL area anyway, and they stay with us. "Grandad" often overdoes it and has had heart issues, among other things.
How old are they? Mine are 83 and 82. My mom and step dad were a little similar, but with less stuff. Their main issue was living in BFE rural N. La and having to travel 45 min or so to dr. appts, 30 min to get groceries, etc. They were very isolated. I had talked a little to them about assisted living, but my mom just didn't think they could do it. However, she was constantly calling me and whining about how she just couldn't handle living there and taking care of my step dad (mild dementia, falls a lots, etc.).
After so many complaints about things, I finally just laid it on the line and told her I'm tired of listening to your whining when she won't do anything about her problems/listen to what I say. I basically told her I can't fix it if she won't listen and take any action.
Maybe you can talk with them about moving somewhere they'd like while they can still enjoy things, like their beach condo? Phrase it so that it's about what they can do and enjoy rather than what you are worried about and how they can't do things anymore?
I know how hard it is as I just dealt with this last October. They still have a lot of junk in their house that I will have to handle at some point. I'm an only child, so there isn't anyone else. Their house isn't in great shape and it's in the middle of nowhere. I feel your pain!
Posted on 3/27/23 at 11:13 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
Anyone ever dealt with this with success?
Dealt with what? As best I can tell you want to tell your in laws where to live.
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