re: Opinion: My married longtime ex is texting me A LOT

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Y tu mama tambien.

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I've seen that movie. Lead actress has really nice tits.

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I respect the sanctity of marriage

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No you don't

She’s using you for attention and validation because her marriage isn’t working out. Don’t be her Jody. If you do get together and she leaves him, you will always be looking over your shoulder.

The hilarious part of your statement is that there is a group of people who probably agree with you.

Either ignore her or tell her you are going to be coming thru town next week and just to see her reaction. Do one or the other, get off the pot.

It’s the trap of all traps. You’ll trap yourself.

She is on a pedestal because she really never aged in your mind. And when you talk or text with her you remember when things were good. Not bad. You think of 25 year old her (or pick an age) and you are thinking through that lens too. She’s a time capsule and you are her time capsule. A box each person can open and remember a time that you weighed less and didn’t groan when you get out of bed.

You can be friends but no more. After a day of catching up what else would you have to talk about.

It’s regret. Regret is dangerous. I’m married with a son. Wonderful home and wife and family. But there is still two that got away from single days. I ran into one at a bar before Mrs Alum. Had a brief talk with her. I rehash that talk in my mind all the time. Because she was the one, until I met the one. She was divorcing at the time and this was a girls night out for her to celebrate a shitty marriage. I had a speech ready to go. Was gonna give her MY number and not ask her. (This was back when you wrote numbers on napkins). Shooters shoot. And at that moment I passed like James Harden in a game 7.

I say all that to say regret is a nasty word in this sense. Do I regret my wife? My son? The home we’ve built that I’m sitting in? No. But if I could go back in time and re do that conversation and take my shot, you would erase all of it. It’s an evil game we play with ourselves. I talk to them both on Facebook DM. My wife is aware that I do. I never erase them and I have a device that always open to my Facebook. So my wife knows if she suspects, she can read it.

We are all knocking on 50 now. But my mind has 22 year old girls in mind when I picture them. It’s a lose lose.

You could ask her to stop, you know. You're enjoying it, and are here to brag.

This happened to me and got back with the ex and after a few years went separate ways again.

In the end it was more like, oh yeah. There was a reason we broke it off before.

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this other girl is the standard by which I’ve always compared other girls.

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I had one of these. I orbited her from afar for about 10 years. Eventually we
Married and divorced. I now have to deal with that count due to child custody. If she’s finally coming around and becoming available, then she wants you to be captain save-a-hoe. The red flags are up dude. Don’t do it. IMHO.

Edit: if she can’t honor a marriage once, she can’t honor a marriage ever. She could be (on some level) lining up a safe landing before she leaves the current gibs. She’s not the unicorn of your memory/imaginations and you probably aren’t as special to her as you think. Maybe she thinks you are at this exact moment, but clearly “until death do us part” didn’t last that long for her. I’m sure she meant that when she said it to her husband, just sometimes “forever” only lasts a short while.

Edit: if she is the gold standard then I can’t tell you to not try if you must, but I see red flags (not to mention the logistics). If you do give it another go, then do not treat it like destiny and fast track the relations. It’s NEW, and judge the relationship as such. Don’t ignore any warnings in your gut as you see them. If you’d ditch anyone else over these warnings, then ditch her as well.