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re: If your kids don't succeed in life, are you a failure?
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:20 pm to jptiger2009
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:20 pm to jptiger2009
My idea of success is based on whether the individual is getting closer and closer to reaching their potential.
I have two kids, one in college and one in high school. They are polar opposites, despite being raised in the same household.
They have total different skill sets and aptitudes.
I see our role has parents, outside of teaching basic human dignity, compassion and caring, as leaders to push them to find their calling. Whatever that is, as long as it is moral, I hope they pour their heart and soul into it.
That may mean that one turns out very wealthy while one struggles some. Which I suspect will happen. But that isn’t my focus.
The key is that they learn resiliency. Life is tough and those that learn this trait early can handles those challenges.
I have two kids, one in college and one in high school. They are polar opposites, despite being raised in the same household.
They have total different skill sets and aptitudes.
I see our role has parents, outside of teaching basic human dignity, compassion and caring, as leaders to push them to find their calling. Whatever that is, as long as it is moral, I hope they pour their heart and soul into it.
That may mean that one turns out very wealthy while one struggles some. Which I suspect will happen. But that isn’t my focus.
The key is that they learn resiliency. Life is tough and those that learn this trait early can handles those challenges.
0
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:22 pm to jptiger2009
I've seen shitty kids come out of good homes and great kids come out of broken homes (anecdotal). But when you pull back, kids from two parent homes clearly do better than kids from broken homes.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:24 pm to BigJim
What strikes me most about this thread is how the idea of success is framed. First and foremost I want my kids to know God, obey his commandments, and be a light unto the world that helps spread the good news of Jesus. Beyond that (and some of this is covered by it) I want them to be honest, kind, loving, and hard working people. Don’t know what else I can hope for and I will not judge their success based on financial data or academic achievements.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:35 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I find that my actual children, despite their actual numerous achievements of which I am exceedingly proud, always pale in comparison to the accomplishments of someone else's imaginary children.
Wish I could upvote that more.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:52 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
In other words-have kids-and then we will talk. Not saying you, just in general.
Wise words.
When I was young I was an expert on women and child rearing.
Then I got married. I was an expert on rearing children.
Then we had two sons. I'm an expert on rearing girls.
IMO, partly based on experience breeding beagles, its genetics, genetics, genetics, opportunity.
This post was edited on 7/1/19 at 3:55 pm
Posted on 7/1/19 at 3:53 pm to jptiger2009
I am a person with children and grandchildren. My two children both have incredible careers and are living the American Dream. I once asked my son what did he think was the most important thing he learned growing up. He said “that’s easy. You taught us to make responsible decisions and that every decision has consequences.”
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:07 pm to jptiger2009
frick no. A person is going to do what they're going to, regardless of how well you raise them.
Now, raising them well helps ensure a greater chance they aren't a POS, but some people are just going to suck no matter what you do.
Now, raising them well helps ensure a greater chance they aren't a POS, but some people are just going to suck no matter what you do.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:10 pm to Nguyener
I think most people can't handle the fact that kids are gonna be what they're gonna be. Obviously, there are things a parent shouldn't do (like sexually abusing or beating a kid), but overall parenting, imo, is overrated. I've seen kids from shitty, poor, single mom homes end up being doctors and I've seen kids from high income gated communities become hookers and single moms living on skid row.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:12 pm to jptiger2009
I think the word "success" is fluid in this hypothetical.
For example. If I'm a politician and very well off, and my kid is a total frick up, he may still land a half way decent living but, from my perspective, he is NOT a "success" and therefore, I failed.
But, if I'm a laborer who barely scrapes by and my kid grows up to have a job right next to that frick up politician's kid, I'm going to call that a "success".
Please don't get wrapped up in the illustrations here. Point being, "success" is relative.
For example. If I'm a politician and very well off, and my kid is a total frick up, he may still land a half way decent living but, from my perspective, he is NOT a "success" and therefore, I failed.
But, if I'm a laborer who barely scrapes by and my kid grows up to have a job right next to that frick up politician's kid, I'm going to call that a "success".
Please don't get wrapped up in the illustrations here. Point being, "success" is relative.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:15 pm to jptiger2009
Man, some of y'all have a very narrow view of success, and life.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:16 pm to jptiger2009
yes 
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:19 pm to RogerTheShrubber
Agreed, which is why I asked to define it.
In the end, if my kids grow up happy, treat others well, and are in stable marriages, I will be thrilled.
All I know is that is what I am trying to lean them towards now. So far, they haven't failed me.
In the end, if my kids grow up happy, treat others well, and are in stable marriages, I will be thrilled.
All I know is that is what I am trying to lean them towards now. So far, they haven't failed me.
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:21 pm to jptiger2009
Define "succeed in life."
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:24 pm to EZE Tiger Fan
I've got two millennial daughters, both took two very different routes. But at this point both are very happy, and that's all I want. Happy.
One just left a nice career to go on a new endeavor with her husband. It means a bit of a struggle but I'm proud of her. She's doing what she wants and is at peace.
The other never really figured out her lot in life, in fact she may never, but she's met a stable guy and is very content at this point of their lives
They're happy, at peace with their decisions, on a road they chose. I can't ask for anything more. I do not care about professional success, attainment. I want them to be happy, and at peace
One just left a nice career to go on a new endeavor with her husband. It means a bit of a struggle but I'm proud of her. She's doing what she wants and is at peace.
The other never really figured out her lot in life, in fact she may never, but she's met a stable guy and is very content at this point of their lives
They're happy, at peace with their decisions, on a road they chose. I can't ask for anything more. I do not care about professional success, attainment. I want them to be happy, and at peace
Posted on 7/1/19 at 4:36 pm to jptiger2009
quote:Maybe yes. Maybe no. It depends entirely on circumstances and definitions, doesn't it?
If your kids don't succeed in life, are you a failure?
If your kid is born with a disability, and overachieves to overcome it, but underachieves by normal standards, are you a failure? Is your kid? Of course not.
Posted on 7/2/19 at 7:19 am to RichardT
quote:
He said “that’s easy. You taught us to make responsible decisions and that every decision has consequences.”
good for you,
quote:
RichardT
Posted on 7/2/19 at 7:25 am to BulldogXero
quote:
Define "succeed in life."
do well enough in school to receive scholarships in school while being a responsible, moral, and kind person. Go to grad school or hit the ball running with a career out of school. Being able to pay their way through life without support. And, this could include going to trade school and perhaps owning his/her own welding shop (idk, you get the point).
I want my kids not to want. I want my kids to be able to capitalize and take what they earn.
And, after they reach success and have taken care of what's theirs, give back.
Posted on 7/2/19 at 7:28 am to jptiger2009
quote:
give back
Should be no problem if they have a church home.
Posted on 7/2/19 at 7:31 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
I want them to be happy, and at peace
while I absolutely agree, I also want my kids to be able to provide for themselves and their families. personally, I would feel like a failure to have to go back to my mother to ask for a cent, and while I certainly plan on supporting my kids financially for as long as possible, I will not support a leech. That helps no one. FTR, I have 2 small children, so that's only a hope to this point.
Posted on 7/2/19 at 7:33 am to roadGator
quote:
Should be no problem if they have a church home
or you can give back upon your own accord
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