Lost my lab: torn, broken, crushed: ETA Pics of Ol Pup

13 year old chocolate lab. He retrieved ducks, trailed wounded deer and was ready to ride anytime. Took him to vet 11 days ago. Perfect bill of health. This dog belonged to me and my 2 brothers. We all used to live next door to each other on 81 acres. The last several years he’s stayed exclusively with my older brother and his family. He came home today and found him laying in a bottom behind his house in a puddle of water. He was barely breathing. I thought possibly snake bite at first but couldn’t see any sign. Took him to the Animal ER on Sherwood and they found that he had cancer in his spleen and it had ruptured and was bleeding out. They just put him down.

A little background, my wife passed almost 10 years ago from cancer. 4 months before she passed she wanted a small dog to which I was reluctant. We ended up getting a shitz poo and I love that dog. Never liked little dogs until I got him. I still have him but I feel guilty for not spending more time with my lab the past few years. He had my brother and his family but it breaks my heart I’ll never scratch his back again or open the door of my truck and he jump in as we head out to hunt.

15 years ago I used to think people who let an animal dying crush their world were ridiculous but Redd and the little one changed my way of thinking that way. Without those dogs I don’t know how I would’ve got through losing my wife and my dad a year later. I actually had cancer on 2 different occasions. The last was nearly 15 years ago when the lab was a puppy and that dog comforted me.

I have no children. About to hit 40 and don’t want children. I decided a few years ago I don’t want kids because I fear they would have illness like I battled on and off the time I was 18-30. It was harder on mother and family than it was for me. I can’t imagine having a child that sick, multiple surgeries and spending probably half of a 9 year span in hospitals.

I know that’s really not relevant but the people who never had kids but treated their animals like kids, I thought they were freaks. I always considered the lab and my little ones my brothers and not kids because it was odd to me. I can tell you the sorrow I’m feeling at this moment is only surpassed by losing my wife and father.

I know, things could always be much worse. It just sucks and maybe I’m shocked at how crushed I actually am. We had labs as a kid that we lost but never was upset like this.

I apologize for the novel above. I’m just in muh feels and needed an outlet