re: Would you rather? chimp vs chicken edition

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You better be able to split that sucker's skull with your first hit. Chimps are scary fast and even if you run a sword through it's heart it has 20 or so seconds to tear you limb from limb before it dies.

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sure you're not talking about a bobcat?

Anybody that selects the chimp is a slapdick retard.

Give me the chimp. I'll just train weekly and frick it up quickly.

Goddamn rooster every single day would be annoying asf

Rooster chimps are nasty when they fight. Haven't you seen the trunk monkey.

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Anybody that selects the chimp is a slapdick retard

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I don't think you have any comprehension on how many doors you open daily.


And I mean, you have a sword.

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ou have to fight a chimp once a year and your only weapon is a sword.

Or you have to fight an angry rooster every time you open a door for the rest of your life

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I initially read this as fight the chimp once vs. the rooster once a day (like opening your house door), and I thought about taking my chances with the chimp. Then I realized I read them both wrong.

Only one of those animals can easily and quite literally rip my face off, so my gut instinct is to choose rooster. But the problem is how many doors I open daily. At minimum, I open a door at my house, then garage door, then my car door, then my car door again once I park in my parking garage, then the door exiting my parking garage, then the door at my office building, then any time I go in and out of the bathroom (let's say a couple times in a day, so four doors), then my parking garage door, then my car door to leave, then my garage door at home, then my house door to get inside. So that's 14 times I've opened a door with literally just going to work and back home and doing nothing else at all.

So I regardless of getting good at fighting a rooster, I'm not sure I want to do that 20-25+ times a day for the rest of my life. I'd almost prefer to take my chances with the chimp and at least live freely for the other 364 days of the year. Plus, you do get a weapon, and with a little practice you could potentially win against the chimp with relative ease. The drawback, of course, if losing and having your face clawed off for fun.

That being said, if I am provided any time at all to train, I think I'd take the chimp solely for the fact that the rooster sounds mentally and physically exhausting. And that's for every single day forever.

If the chimp is in a rage, its killing or seriously injuring you every time. It sucks but you gotta go chicken

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Would you rather? chimp vs chicken edition
You have to fight a chimp once a year and your only weapon is a sword.

Or you have to fight an angry rooster every time you open a door for the rest of your life.

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You could train for years and years with the sword so it would get easier. But as you get up there in age that would become more difficult and you are guaranteed to eventually lose and die.

But I'd still take the chimp. You could have a somewhat normal life. Train several hours per week on your swordsmanship and frick up chim chim once a year

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I think I'd take the chimp solely for the fact that the rooster sounds mentally and physically exhausting. And that's for every single day forever.

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Not to mention even if it takes only 30 seconds to dispatch the rooster and you manage to do it without injury, the compounding time and stress from the constant battle will ruin your life.


Chick asks you if you want to go home with her and she'll rock your world.

You think about the 17 doors you'd have to go through to even get to the bedroom. You reply "thanks for the offer, but I'm already going to have to beat enough Cock tonight already. I'd be exhausted."


Then she goes home with the sword wielding guy who fights a chimp in a bloody spectacle once a year. Sure, he's got scars, but they are on his face and torso. Chicks dig facial scars.

You, the chicken fighter, only have gashes on your ankles and feet. Can't even wear sandals.

Meanwhile, the Chimp Champ advertises for his yearly fight. Even sells tickets and wagers on the match. There's a whole festival that's grown out of the event organically, called Chimpandemonium.

A portion of the proceeds even go to charity. The chimp fighter is a prince among men. He holds the door for the woman on his way out and flashes you a smile. He keeps holding it and beckons for you to accept his generosity and avoid ANOTHER cock battle.

You grimace.


He says "what's the matter fella...




CHICKEN!?"

and then they would turn on you, chimps are notorious tPOS