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Started By
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Woman arrested for defecating on boss’ desk after winning the lottery
Posted on 8/5/19 at 11:59 am
Posted on 8/5/19 at 11:59 am
NEW YORK – A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.
The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”
“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shite for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
LINK
The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”
“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shite for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
LINK
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Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:00 pm to The Torch
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:00 pm to The Torch
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:00 pm to The Torch
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:01 pm to The Torch
quote:
I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shite for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:01 pm to The Torch
and the OT rebounds nicely with this beaut?
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:01 pm to The Torch
Alpha move
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:02 pm to upgrayedd
Y’all will believe anything y’all read on the internet.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:02 pm to The Torch
she definitely does butt stuff
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:02 pm to Tigerbait357
this sounds fake
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:02 pm to The Torch
this is fan-fricking-tastic, who hasn’t thought about this?
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:02 pm to The Torch
Like a boss
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:02 pm to The Torch
I like this one...
HYPOCRITES! The “tolerant left” not very tolerant of sexist, racist, xenophobic hate speech
ALBANY – a man has brilliantly found a flaw in liberal logic which contradicts itself in its core principle.
“I was on a social media website where it all started,” said the anonymous internet user with a frog AVI and several star and American flag emojis in his name. “I was spewing out my usual ‘frick minorities, frick Muslims, frick women, frick Mexicans and frick Canadians’. Suddenly a bunch of libtards piled on me saying, ‘no, frick you’. That’s when it dawned on me, the left isn’t very tolerant of my free speech! I’m trying to oppress people by squashing their constitutional rights to feel safe, and they’re not taking it lying down! Hypocrites!”
“Free speech unfortunately covers hate speech,” one tree-hugging liberal stated. “They’re allowed to say we suck. We can say they suck back. See how that works?”
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to The Torch
I want to believe this
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to The Torch
quote:
In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory
We haven’t had a man with such a way with words since Shakespeare.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to The Torch
quote:
She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”
This guy should write a novel
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to The Torch
quote:
Disclaimer
2 000 000 hits per month and all of these stories are fake. Don’t be stupid.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to L S Usetheforce
quote:
Y’all will believe anything y’all read on the internet.
It takes about 3 seconds to recognize satire, friend.
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to The Torch
I am a male model
Posted on 8/5/19 at 12:03 pm to The Torch
quote:
“It was worth it,”
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