re: Who all has dealt with elder parent care? I figure a lot of people here now

Very similar experience with my parents. Dad passed two years ago, but now dealing with Mom. Open heart surgery that went sideways - couple of strokes and seizures. Long stint in rehab then tried at home alone. She is a pill abuser, so taking too much of certain pills, combined with anti-seizure meds, leads to delirium (temporary dementia). Back to the hospital for that and a fall that resulted in a broken hip. Another stint in skilled nursing - this time in a nursing home. She ranted and raved - calling my sister and I a dozen times of day each. Finally had enough and brought her back to her house. Now the medicine is all locked up and dispensed through a timed dispenser. She is better now that the meds are straight, but we still have to manage just about everything. Finances, shopping, assistance with any little thing that confuses her. Trying to move her closer because even 30 minutes is a pain when it is every little thing.
The lesson I’ve learned - save a lot of money. If you need assisted living, you’ll need at least $6k a month for a decent place. Don’t force your kids to have to make these tough decisions about your care.

My dad made me promise him to basically overdose him on Morphine if he ever gets into a state that my grandfather did. The last few months of his life was absolutely brutal. Hospice care at home. Nurses sometimes taking to long to show so he'd have to sit in his shite as my grandmother was too weak and we werent' there at the time. Woke up at all hours wailing, yelling, etc. Couldn't move, eat on his own, use the restroom. Nothing. Died in a hospice bed in his bedroom. It killed me that he wouldn't even see the rest of his house because of his condition, he couldn't be moved. Last time I saw him, the urine in his catheter was the color of coke. I promised my dad I wouldn't let him die like that. Its a hard decision. Suffering at the end of life is awful. We treat dogs better.

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#1 - get power of attorney document signed

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Can't believe this took so long to appear. This is the single biggest piece of advice listed here. Followed by finding a legal someone with really sound elder financial advice several years in advance. End of live planning is not just for the really well off... and if they own anything they need it for their own good.


Both my parents have gone on, one with dementia and the other full blown Alzheimer, and its the only reason me and my other still living brother have any sanity left. Without a GOOD (legally binding) signed power of attorney every step you make is triple difficult. Because even with one it can still be like wading in quick sand... trust me every step you'll be glad you did. Keyword is good because everyone is looking for missing dotted i's and crossed t's. And I can't tell you how many people commented on how big a difference having such a good one mattered, in what they could do for you, because not every document is written really good. Because these people are not trying to be hard asses (not all) but protecting themselves from you, other heirs, and the law. *

And if able find out what they want (while able) by making them sit through any type of end of life family planning. It's not about you getting their money and more about how they can protect themselves before becoming unable. That's the part about elder financial advice several years in advance. It can make a big difference in how much they have at the end and how much of that goes to the our government.... what they have to live on in their very last days.... after the years of 24 hour in home care and not wanting to leave their life's work.

*eta: and that power of attorney doesn't end at their demise (I can't stress enough how much you'll want one)

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wander off into the woods never to be seen again. Or, the modern equivalent......into the depths of a Costco and let Nature take its course.

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I’m a walk into a Waffle House and start a fight with the employees

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My mom's in a dementia care facility. It's the most depressing place I have ever been to in my life.

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This is why I support medical assisted suicide. People should not be legally forced to exist in that state of being.

This is obviously agreed to by the person when they are of sound mind.

I have never heard a good reason for why people with alzheimers or ALS should be forced into that hell on Earth.

The worst is when you start figuring out how to deal with your age issues while dealing with theirs. Took my mom to get checked for dementia. shite, I was struggling to answer some of the questions. Now I'm scared.

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Get a pneumonia vaccine.

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My grandmother in her 80's refused the pneumonia vaccine because she said "pneumonia was an old person's friend".


The older I get and the more situations I see like those illustrated by other posters, she right. We have so many new ways of keeping old people existing, we haven't asked "should we?".

Yep,

I do believe you are correct.

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Not being a dick, or not trying to be one, but humans (Westerners in particular) have to start having more honest conversations, all around, about death. Simple as it gets.

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Not having a shite fit about assisted suicide would be a good start.

In the midst of it right now. Monday I confront my 83 year old stepdad who's got it in his head he can still take care of my mother with late stage Parkinsons that can't walk or talk now. We've got a solution. He's resisting.

Here we go.