re: When you’ve finally had it with a parent

Never got there man. My dad, and best friend, had a fatal heart attack 27 years ago when I was 31 years old. Watched my dear mother die of dementia 3 years ago. I don’t know your situation or relationship with your parents. But I would give everything I have for another day with mine.

Well I sort of get it. My real dad left my mom halfway through her pregnancy with me. She remarried when I was four and that stepfather is my daddy.

My real father paid child support on time and for 18 years. He sent Christmas and birthday gifts. He had me for a week during the summer every year. A few other visits for a week or so on college.

Now after 50 years of being a father, he wants a relationship with menand my kids. Why? Because he moved to my area (never lived closer than three hours from me) and it’s “convenient” his word not mine.

I’m over it but feel guilty and need/want to end my misery with this. Sought pastoral counseling as to what my obligation to him is as I have a daddy who loves and cares for me and who raised me. I was told I have an obligation to not speak bad about him and to not keep my children from him (27, 22, 18). Haven't done either one but I do tell the truth when my kids ask questions.

I know he’s my “father” and I’m thankful that he gave me life as I have a great husband and children and he paid child support timely. Other than that he’s done nothing that resembles being a father.

Does your dad hate you because you are an avacado toast eating liberal?

Just asking.

Sorry man. That sucks. Walking away from a destructive parent doesn’t leave their selfishness, betrayal and rejection behind. There is probably a hurtful void with or without them.

The hardest thing about cutting ties is probably accepting that he failed, does not intend to redeem himself, you can’t correct his deficits, and it’s not personal.

No one can tell you how to get to that point but I understand what you are going through is hard.

Before I moved away, I confronted my dad who sexually abused me a few times when I was 11 and I unleashed upon him all of my rage without holding back. It was the first time in my life I seriously thought about ending someone's life as I had to get that anger out as it was killing me from the inside. The fear in his eyes was beyond satisfaction as when I told him outside his home, it was in front of my mother, my brother and his neighbors next door heard every bit of it. ALL of my cousins since then have disowned him. My brother, who I stopped talking to after he tried to defend him tried to blame me for "disrupting the family with something I had no business letting anyone else know about".

My advice to you is do not ever hold back or anything emotionally. Screw all of this "be a man and suck it up and live with it" shite. That crap never goes away and it will eat you alive from the inside until it destroys you completely. What I did, I had to do..no regrets and no excuses. Had I not told him everything I felt, I truly don't want to think of the type of person I would have turned into. My last words to him (which the next day apparently caused him to have 2 heart attacks) was "When you are on your death bed, I will not be there. And when you die and leave this Earth, you will not be in heaven. You are going straight to hell to burn for eternity for what you did to me and that is the only reason I haven't ended your life early. Anyone who still cares about you will lie to you to make you feel calm in your heart and soul that in some way I will end up forgiving you and that you will go to heaven. That will never happen, you will burn in hell where you and everyone like you belongs. I will never forgive you and I will never forget what you did to me, you are a piece of human garbage and I hope you die a horrible death...good riddance.

He was an adult when he abused me, and he had the ability to make decisions like any of us. I don't give a flying f*** what excuses people try and make about committing the heinous acts that they do. As for him and the other sh*t my Mom was, I do admit one thing.. they are my role models...no they are. I look at them two as inspiration of how I will never treat any other human being. How people treat others like crap, man...I just don't understand it. I guess I just can't fathom on why people take any pleasure in hurting others whether physically, sexually, mentally, financially, emotionally, etc. without realizing one day your arse is gonna have to answer for that crap. For you man, get it off your chest, say what needs to be said and disown him and be estranged from him forever. You won't change him as he is set in his ways. Best of luck to ya.

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Suggest therapy?

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This.

My father was a true blend of Yosemite Sam and Buford T Justice. Big man too 6’4” 280 and a contractor.

Biggest bipolar a-hole in history and an alcoholic to boot. Smoked 15-20 Havatampa Jewels a day along with Redman.

I had to remove him from my family picture early on as I didn’t want him affecting my children.

He died last year (dropped dead of a heart attack) at 75. I did love him but I do not regret protecting my kids.

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Write a letter?

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WTF?

Sack up and

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Deliver the news in person

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or ask him to pay for your "transition"

My dad is a good democrat. He abandoned me when I was 3

He really is a die hard democrat