re: What's your best "dad joke" or one-liners?

Why'd the blind woman fall down the well?

She couldn't see that well

I have a lot of Elevator jokes I keep on hand. They work on a lot of levels.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “Five beers, please”

You’ll never starve in the desert because of all the sand which is there

Indoor fish tanks have a calming effect on your brain...because of all the indoor fins

Everytime I ask what LGBTQX stands for, I never get a straight answer

Did you know dogs can’t operate MRI machines? But cats can

Oh Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah he woke up eventually

Did you hear about the new poll that came out about the Dwarves? Turns out 6 out of 7 weren’t happy

Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France? Yeah, it was actually cooked in Greece

What did Yoda say when he first saw Star Wars in HD? HDMI

Did I tell you about the time I burned my Hawaiian pizza? I should’ve cooked it at aloha temperature

Do you know the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi? (both in United Arab Emirates) People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do

Do you know the actual definition of a will? Oh cmon it’s a dead giveaway

I asked my North Korean friend how it was living there. He said he couldn't complain...

One time my friend threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me. I said what the Hellman

Did you know they banned the orchestra from Public TV? Had too much sax and violins

Had to quit my construction job a few days ago. I put in my too weak notice

One of my friends was balding so he went to the dollar store and grabbed a wig. It was a small price toupee

I got behind a one legged man at an ATM. He was checking his balance.

The best is while on a long road trip and you pass one of the many places in the US named for other places… such as Cuba, AL, Moscow, MI, Paris, TX, etc. and you say “Whoa, we must have taken a wrong turn!!”

What’s the German word for “bra”?
Stopemfromfloppen.

I found out today I’m colorblind. Had no idea, hit me right out of the purple.

My family's concerned about my addiction to brake fluid. But I know I can stop whenever I need to.

quote:

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You know how you spell pirate? With one eye

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Have you heard about the new pirate movie?

It’s rated Rrrrrr.


What’s a pirates favorite letter.

C.


What did the pirate pay for his earrings?

Buck an ear.

Dad: “I’ve heard someone has been going around telling everyone you do an amazing Owl impression.”

Child: “Who?”