re: What to do for family member who is experiencing cognitive decline?

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I don’t think confronting the guy about his cognitive issues is going to go over well.

Anyone go through something like this? Any advice?

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Yes, my dad.

Based on what you described you need to take his car keys away. He is going to kill somebody. He is goi g to run a stop sign or a red light because he forgot.

My dad didnt like it but he eventually accepted it. He eventually got bad enough he would get nervous when my mom was not nearby.

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Anyone go through something like this? Any advice?

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Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. My father was at this same brink at 75 years old. We just buried him last year at 90. He was incredibly agile and physically resilient up until he got Covid.

The hardest part was taking him out of the driver's seat in life and putting him in the passenger seat willingly. It involved cajoling, artful deception, pleading, and begging him for his cooperation.

He was also used to do things "his way".

When he started to forget directions when driving I used to follow him in his car to go across town to play cards. And then I would go and follow him home (without him seeing me- mind you).

He then started to exhibit more alarming lack of awareness- such as saying he was locked inside the car and couldn't get out when my mother would leave him in the car for five minutes to stop into a shop or grocery store.

After years of losing the small abilities, such as even taking every mail offer, prize money, or investment strategy as a serious consideration, he began to wander on foot. We got an Apple Watch for him and made sure the charge was always full and kept watch over him. Eventually doors, windows, and the front gate had to be locked at night(with a padlock even-he was strong).

Eventually he was having conversations and seeing people and things that were not of this earth, they existed somewhere in his broken mind. Throughout the night he would walk, certain he had just seen someone, or looking for the "lady who runs this house" (my mother). I was just a friendly face who he met during these episodes.

He lived well beyond capability and retained his personality if not his acumen, but it was very hard, humbling, and ultimately a joy to help shepherd him as he shepherded me, to help him walk with dignity into the dusk. As hard and upsetting as it was, I'll never regret it, and treasure that time.

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BigAppleTiger

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Your story sounds so familiar it's scary. I had to install double cylinder dead bolts at my parents' house last weekend. Dad has a gps tracker provided by the Sheriff's Office through a program for dementia patients. We've had to call them a few times in the last 6 months to find him.

The toll this takes on caregivers is unfathomable. Good luck to anyone dealing with this.

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My mother has Alzheimer's and is in a similar situation. We told her that her driver's license expired and that the DMV won't let her renew. She sees a doc for the condition and he convinced her that she has a leakage in her brain, common among people her age, and so she needs additional help because the leakage makes her confused sometimes. So far it's been manageable and she seems happy enough.

In other words, pretty much all you can do is cope with it and adjust things to keep them under watch. Our goal is to keep her out of an Alzheimer's unit.

Good luck to you and your family.

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Well she should have voted red. She'd be totally healthy if so.

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What to do for family member who is experiencing cognitive decline?

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Firstly, God bless you and yours.

My advice, BE THERE.

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Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. My father was at this same brink at 75 years old. We just buried him last year at 90. He was incredibly agile and physically resilient up until he got Covid.

The hardest part was taking him out of the driver's seat in life and putting him in the passenger seat willingly. It involved cajoling, artful deception, pleading, and begging him for his cooperation.

He was also used to do things "his way".

When he started to forget directions when driving I used to follow him in his car to go across town to play cards. And then I would go and follow him home (without him seeing me- mind you).

He then started to exhibit more alarming lack of awareness- such as saying he was locked inside the car and couldn't get out when my mother would leave him in the car for five minutes to stop into a shop or grocery store.

After years of losing the small abilities, such as even taking every mail offer, prize money, or investment strategy as a serious consideration, he began to wander on foot. We got an Apple Watch for him and made sure the charge was always full and kept watch over him. Eventually doors, windows, and the front gate had to be locked at night(with a padlock even-he was strong).

Eventually he was having conversations and seeing people and things that were not of this earth, they existed somewhere in his broken mind. Throughout the night he would walk, certain he had just seen someone, or looking for the "lady who runs this house" (my mother). I was just a friendly face who he met during these episodes.

He lived well beyond capability and retained his personality if not his acumen, but it was very hard, humbling, and ultimately a joy to help shepherd him as he shepherded me, to help him walk with dignity into the dusk. As hard and upsetting as it was, I'll never regret it, and treasure that time.

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This sounds all too familiar. My dad will be 78 next weekend. He's all but gone. The decline over the past year has been hard to watch. He needs help with literally everything.

He got in a wreck several years ago where he swore he had a green arrow for a left turn. Looking back, I firmly believe he was confused and in the beginning stages of dementia. I'm very glad no one was hurt. He hasn't driven since.

A year ago, he wandered away from home. Police found him 5 blocks away on his way "home." He's always wanting to go home, despite living in his current house for 25+ years. We got an Apple tag that's attached to his shoelaces so my mom can track him if he ever gets away again. He wears the same shoes all day long unless he's sleeping. Had to hide the deadbolt keys, but I don't think it matters anymore. He doesn't have the dexterity to physically put a key in a lock and turn it.

He doesn't know who I am, or who his grandchildren are. He doesn't know my brother. He barely knows who my mom is, but he knows she is his wife. I don't know the last time he called her by name though. It's just "my wife."

He sees things that aren't there. He has sensory issues to the point he's constantly washing his hands because they are dirty. He gets agitated and downright angry. Xanax has helped control that to an extent.

He's just existing now, and my mom refuses to think about putting him in a memory care facility. My brother and I have tried and tried, and she won't let go.

I don't wish this disease upon anyone. Realize that this won't get easier. It just gets more and more difficult.

Best wishes.

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The toll this takes on caregivers is unfathomable. Good luck to anyone dealing with this.

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my mom has solo cared for my dad for the last 5 years as the situation has deteriorated - but she has never waivered from caring for him - now they moved a mile from me, so i can share some of the honor to care for him.

he did get pissed off last night because i sold his pistol - he hallucinates and there was no way i was leaving him around a gun.

he got mad at my mom, and she said talk to me cause i felt it was the right then to do - but he doesn't take the attitude with me, and he will likely forget the situation - which is both a blessing and a sad thing

The car keys need to be taken away and sadly I think you know. It’s a dangerous situation for him and others.

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Introduce him to the Poli & OT boards

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About 365 times per day.

Take him to the doctor and have them do a brain scan. Do not allow him to drive any longer. Is his wife capable of taking care of him?