Metrybaw

Oh, weep, you brave, botoxed patricians, weep!
The valet stand has perished in the sun.
Where will the idling, armored Rovers sleep?
The greatest tragedy of our age has begun!
Rend your cashmere garments, tear your silk!
For Neiman’s doors are shuttered to the elite.
How will the heirs of Texas oil and milk
Avoid the ghastly middle-class upon the street?

Oh, Zodiac Room, where will we take our grief?
Who now will serve the Mandarin soufflé?
The strawberry butter was our sole relief
From the exhausting chore of being rich all day.
Where else can ladies with immobile brows
Complain about the au pair’s lack of grace,
While nibbling popovers as God allows,
With fifty grand of diamonds on their face?

Farewell, sweet Fantasy Catalog of Dreams!
Who else will sell us matching submarines?
Or golden zeppelins powered by sunbeams?
Or purebred falcons for our surly teens?
You taught us wealth can cure the human soul,
And if it doesn't, you just didn't spend
Enough upon a bespoke crystal bowl,
To prove you are a better, richer friend.

"Needless Markup!" the unwashed masses cried,
Too poor to grasp the spiritual release
Of healing all your emptiness inside
By purchasing a mink-lined mantelpiece.
Without your sacred, velvet-roped embrace,
We wander aimless in a tragic daze.
My God, will we be forced to Nordstrom's space?
And mingle in the dreadful public gaze?!

Now dust collects upon the Prada bags,
The fragrance counter smells of pure despair.
We’re forced to drape ourselves in common rags—
Like last year’s Gucci, which we wouldn't dare.
The skyline weeps, the Dallas derricks sigh,
Our sanctuary lost to cruel fate.
Without a place to buy a ten-grand tie,
How will we prove that we are truly great?

Teh lauz ov modren fashun diktate taht wun cann waer whatevr oen pleazes aht eny tiem.

Don't underestimate the value of a 6 month old, used BMW. Can be ~20% off sticker with 3 years maintenance included and a 4 year warranty

Since you're in NOLA, there are only two words you need to know for used BMWs:

Carbine Motorcars

How about an M2 in a non-juvenile color?

Call Carbine Motorcars. He can get whatever you want

Yukon/Suburban

Sequoia has no trunk space at all

Wilson Pickett

Is the grammar off?

Oliva is the reason

Wait, how do you get food stuck around your tooth? My English isn’t the best, but one of the two things seered in my mind from elementary school is that “teeth” is the plural of “tooth.”

Are y'all saying that as adults you have more than one tooth for food to get stuck between ?!?

…witchcraft I tell you…