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re: What are your thoughts on people who never have children?

Posted on 9/30/21 at 5:56 pm to
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129079 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 5:56 pm to
quote:

Infertility is a bitch. I’ll just say that.


How many times have you been told “why not just adopt?!” Like it’s this super easy and cheap thing to do
Posted by floyd of pink
Metry
Member since Nov 2011
3280 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 5:58 pm to
I’m more sick of people asking me, “WHATS TAKING YOU GUYS SO LONG?!?!”
Posted by LegendInMyMind
Member since Apr 2019
55499 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:01 pm to
I will let Doug Stanhope handle this one for me:

On Children

Incentive Based Eugenics

On Overpopulation

On Vasectomies
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 6:11 pm
Posted by tigerinthebueche
Member since Oct 2010
36791 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:01 pm to
quote:

Mostly however I think it’s sad


Why? I don’t have them and I have zero regrets outside of the few times I coulda used the free labor.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129079 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:01 pm to
Yeah just tell those people to frick off and mind their own business. Or ask them if they have 50k to give you for treatments to help “speed things up”

I’m sorry for y’all’s struggles. It’s a shitty club to be part of. Just know many more are part of the club than you think.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 6:02 pm
Posted by Gravitiger
Member since Jun 2011
10508 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:01 pm to
quote:

I usually think that they failed at their base biological function.
Or they overcame it.
Posted by BurningHeart
Member since Jan 2017
9546 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:04 pm to
I'd be more interested in people's perspectives of the benefits of kids later in life vs. the burden of kids early in life.

I know it's no guarantee kids will want to take care if you late in life, but some of that goes back to how they're raised and also how well you set yourself up for getting old, financial wise.
Posted by Old Hellen Yeller
New Orleans
Member since Jan 2014
9423 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:06 pm to
quote:

I'm sad they don't experience the love of a parent for a child.


That’s what dogs are for
Posted by Gravitiger
Member since Jun 2011
10508 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:14 pm to
quote:

The younger generations have become waaaaaaaay too selfish to have kids, honestly. They don't want to have to give up anything in order to raise a child. There's nothing wrong with that but that kind of goes against the laws of nature. It's fascinating really. It's a human evolution no one ever saw coming.

Except many demographers, social psychologists, and behavioral economists have been warning about it for decades.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 6:16 pm
Posted by Gravitiger
Member since Jun 2011
10508 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:26 pm to
quote:

Without kids I’m not sure how you ever grow into a fully rounded individual. Kids provide an opportunity for a person to sacrifice, put others needs before your own and compromise. It’s not always fun but it is undoubtedly a growing experience
Every relationship you have with anyone or anything is an opportunity to sacrifice, compromise and put others' needs above your own. You only do it with your kids because it's a social, moral, and legal obligation. If you don't do it, you will be ostracized, feel bad, and/or be legally sanctioned. You could choose to do it with anyone else, too. You just don't, because it's not required or expected.
quote:

I’m not saying at all that without kids you can’t be a great person, but you will always have some selfishness there specifically because you can retreat to being on your own when you need to. I respect people’s decision to not have kids and understand why they wouldn’t, kids are a challenge, but I do think they are missing out.
The majority of responses in this thread suggest that having kids was also for selfish reasons--"People without kids don't feel my feelings that make me feel like my life has meaning...My kids bring me such joy...I feel so proud of them...That feeling I get when I see them do whatever..." Or it's seen as a biological imperative to replicate the family DNA, which is equally selfish.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 7:26 pm
Posted by kciDAtaE
Member since Apr 2017
16034 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:31 pm to
quote:

I’m not saying at all that without kids you can’t be a great person, but you will always have some selfishness there specifically because you can retreat to being on your own when you need to.


So if your fiancée has an accident, left paralyzed and unable to have kids, you are selfish bc you marry her. But if you leave her and knock up some random broad, you are unselfish?
Posted by STLDawg
The Lou
Member since Apr 2015
3775 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:34 pm to


Posted by redstick13
Lower Saxony
Member since Feb 2007
38714 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:36 pm to
Some of us have kids later in life, have them taken away unexpectedly and have a difficult time overcoming it and rationalizing trying again while the world is falling apart around them.
Posted by redstick13
Lower Saxony
Member since Feb 2007
38714 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:38 pm to
Chin up nurse.
Posted by SirSaintly
Uptown, New Orleans
Member since Feb 2013
3142 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:43 pm to
I'm a DINK and love it. I have a friend who has one of those stick figure stickers on the back of their car... Instead of the kids, they have moneybags

Posted by tigertrueAU
Canyon Lake Texas
Member since Oct 2009
1251 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 6:48 pm to
I had a talk with a coworker last week about how she and her husband don’t want kids, they are close to 30.
She explained how they love kids but recognize that they are to selfish to have kids of their own. I thought her reasoning was very honest and honorable. I told her that I had kids because I was selfish like her but in a different way. I wanted to love something and wanted something to love and need me back. Having kids has been the greatest gift God has given me.
I’ve been divorced for almost a year now. I have 50/50 custody and the days I don’t have them (8,11) I just don’t feel complete. Way to much time to myself. I fill it with cleaning h the house and yard and on the weekends I don’t have them I hunt and fish. I gotta stay busy.
Posted by Gravitiger
Member since Jun 2011
10508 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 7:00 pm to
quote:

I had kids because I was selfish like her but in a different way. I wanted to love something and wanted something to love and need me back. Having kids has been the greatest gift God has given me.
I really respect your ability to be honest with yourself about why you wanted kids, and I'm genuinely sorry to hear you are struggling with the custody situation. I hope it works out for the best for your kids.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 7:03 pm
Posted by Pettifogger
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone
Member since Feb 2012
79525 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 7:06 pm to
I think it can be true that many people who don't have kids (purposefully) are making a responsible choice AND that many of those people are kind of shitty. "We're too selfish for kids" may be the right call, but obviously it still says something about you as people.

I'm a traditionalist, I think having a stable partner (preferably marriage) and children is the epitome of the human experience. Odd as it is, in the present age it's increasingly self-segregating thing - we're dividing ourselves as people based on whether or not we want to pursue having a family or not. It's having deep impacts on our cultures and world, as seen in European birthrates, etc.

Anyway, I mourn for people who genuinely want kids and are struggling to have them. Especially for folks who have always seen themselves as parents and just somehow let life get away from them for long enough that it puts them in dicey territory. I know folks like that, and was very close to being there as well.
This post was edited on 9/30/21 at 7:09 pm
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
7441 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 7:07 pm to
quote:

She explained how they love kids but recognize that they are to selfish to have kids of their own. I thought her reasoning was very honest and honorable. I told her that I had kids because I was selfish like her but in a different way. I wanted to love something and wanted something to love and need me back. Having kids has been the greatest gift God has given me.


This is very truthful. When my wife and I think about having kids we immediately think about having someone that will love us, someone to raise with our values, a task that will give our lives more purpose.

But when we say that, all of it sounds incredibly selfish. And not having kids because the work seems like a lot is also selfish. And if we are selfish either way, it seems like the safest option is to just keep our selfishness to ourselves and not ruin a child in the process.
Posted by HubbaBubba
F_uck Joe Biden, TX
Member since Oct 2010
45972 posts
Posted on 9/30/21 at 7:07 pm to
I know a really awesome couple in their late 30's. They both have been diagnosed with a mild form of epilepsy. They have chosen not to have children and continue the gene.

Don't judge. You don't know why people make that decision.
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