re: Vasectomy advice needed

Have 2 small incisions.

They don’t have to pull as hard.

Peas from the freezer are your friend.

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You know that feeling in your lower stomach you get when you get kicked in the balls? Not the absolute pain, but that uneasy tightening you get that lets you know it's about to hurt? That feeling is non stop the first 24 hours. You'll be sore another day or two, and those nuts are going to swell up about 50% as your scrotum turns purple. 3 days after the procedure, you're back to 75%.

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You must be trying to scare the OP, or your doctor was a klutz since this is not typical at all.

My friend is a doctor and he calls them “gasexomies” because normal dudes get them because their wife tells them to and a few months later they’re getting arrested at the glory hole at the public park

Mine was straight out of a horror movie.. The doctor hit some vein that caused it to bleed internally after he stitched me up. On the drive home my nuts swelled up to the size of a volleyball and painfully stayed that way for a month until the blood clot slowly went away. The pain was so bad, I ended up in the ER a week after getting IV pain medication. I had to sit 2-3 times a day in a hot bath just to get some relief.. Walking was out of the question.

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No way that doesn't hurt.

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You feel a pinch when they give you a shot to numb it, and then about 30 seconds of it feeling like someone has a knee on your nuts, and that's it. Not a big deal by any means.

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A needle in my balls is half of what terrifies me. I want something to numb my balls before getting the shot that numbs my balls

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It’s nothing, as another poster said getting shot up for minor dental work is more uncomfortable. Myself and a dozen friends have done it, and none of us experienced anything we would call pain. I mowed my yard with a psh mower the day after.

Usually they give you a valium or two to relax you enough that you don't mind the needle. If one doesn't make you buzzed enough to be alright with it then they let you take the second one and let you snore away. If you weigh alot they may prescribe 3 with you taking 2 initially with the 3rd on standby.

Wear briefs for a couple of weeks and sit on frozen peas off and on all day for a week or more. I was pain free after a week. You'll piss blood for a few days after but the pain is not bad as long as you follow directions and take it easy.

I had a setback after 2 weeks as my nephew kicked me square in the balls. That had me sitting on peas and pissing blood for another week.

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is it a nurse or orderly? How do they determine who shaves someone's nads?

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I think the just find the oldest ugliest hag in the building and give her a disposable razor and some iodine.

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This. I milked my “pain” hard. My wife was getting me beers while I sat on the couch

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You gotta get you nuts sliced open to get your wife to bring you a beer?