re: Turning to the OT for some helpful advice as a 15 year poster

Dont sell your house! Get a low cost aid to help your mom while you are away.

This right here. Listen to this guy, he happens to know more than the throw

shite at the wall suggestions some are making. Been through it with both

parents.

This. If she has liwuid assets they will use that towards the bill. After that is exhausted, they will take whatever monthly income she has and Medicare should pick up the rest. You don't need an attorney, just a reputable nursing home. They cN back five years on cash and investments but houses and other physical assets are usually off limits do to heirship ans community property issues.

As others have said find someone that can help Monday to Friday 8-5 ish for $18 to $22 an hour. Do not sell an asset only to give it to an assisted living company whose sole goal isn’t to actually care for your loved one but to drain their (and your) bank account.

I don’t know what I’d do, but I know I would not sell my house and relocate my three kids.

back on topic OP, when my dad had Dementia, ultimately passing last Feb, he needed assistance - my parents had Viva healthcare, and they had a care person come in several times a week, not all day situations, but several hours a day to help him, sit with him and allow for my mother to focus on things like groceries, cleaning and so on.

not sure if anything like that is available for you, or even what or if it cost them, but may look into something like that.

(wife replying): Here are some things to think about. Not legal advice, just our experience, we live in Texas.

1. Someone mentioned a care home. That was a life saver for my 84-year-old mom. It's in a house in a residential neighborhood, maximum of 5 residents, with 2 staff around the clock. They prepare meals, give and record meds, provide bathing and hygiene care, and report food and water intake to me when I ask about it. They'll take her outside to the patio, or she can watch TV or do a game/puzzle in the common areas of the house. There's a bus every Thursday that takes some residents to the senior center (not my mom; too feeble/confused). Highly recommend this over nursing home because nursing homes are motivated to fill beds, but once the bed is filled, there's no incentive for care. My mom has been in a few when she was discharged from rehab and they don't answer the call button, they sometimes forget to deliver meals, and the floor was sometimes not clean. Care home has more accountability, depending on which one you choose. The one my mom's in is $4,500/month.

2. If your mom has congestive heart failure, kidney disease, dementia, or other degenerative condition (i.e., she's not going to get any better), hospice can come to her. Hospice is not just for the last weeks of terminal illness. People sometimes stay on hospice for years. Medicare pays for it. My mom's hospice company provides an RN who visits 2-3 times per week, a nurse's aide who visits 3 x per week. They change her adult diaper, take vitals, report on any conditions that need treatment. They act as her primary care physician so we have not had to put her in an ambulance to the ER since we went on hospice. They have a physician and a pharmacist a phone call away, so when she got a fungal infection under an acrylic nail from a manicure, they treated it where she lives. They have also ordered everything she needed to live there: hospital bed, wheelchair, oxygen compressor, oxygen tank, supplies, anything she needs. I can text the account manager and/or nursing supervisor 24 x 7. Also, they'll come and treat her 24 hours a day. Medicare pays for it all.

3. In Texas, Medicaid pay for a nursing home once the resident has paid down all her assets. She cannot transfer real estate, bank balances, cars, or other assets within 5 years of needing the nursing home, though. But once the application is accepted, Medicaid pays for all the shortfall for the rest of her life.

4. Use a senior housing advisor. Their fee is paid by the facility that you end up going with. They act like an agent, and many of them know the supervisors or owners of the facilities and care homes they recommend. It's very helpful to tell one of these what you need and get recommendations of places that will work for you and your mom.

Do not sell your house. Your responsibility is to help your mom get care. It is not to provide it yourself. Your children are your first priority. You can do this and still be there for them.

Praying for you and your family.