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Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:28 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
You’re probably right.
I hope you realize that I and the majority of people in this thread are not trying to pile on you but to help you realize that saving your marriage starts with you and specifically starts with acknowledging your shortcomings out loud to your wife and making a plan to address them.
Counseling could be the avenue for you to make such acknowledgments if you don't feel strong enough to do it out of the blue.
Your Wife fell in love with you so there is a version of you that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. You just have to figure out if she is worth sacrificing other things (like drinking) to be the person she fell for.
If you're not willing to change, save the money you'll spend in counseling and just get the divorce over with.
This post was edited on 6/15/23 at 10:30 am
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:29 am to thejudge
quote:
Go to the marriage counselor. Listen to what they and your wife say.
Dude, she's checked out. A long time ago. Sorry, but that's the hard truth. Marriage counseling is her way of saying she tried in order to make herself feel better.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:30 am to LSUfan4444
quote:
It was time to break the generational curse and the wife and I make 20 years this year.
I thought the same. Divorced after 24 years of marriage. Advice is nearly impossible because every situation is different. Like you, I dealt with depression for years during our marriage. I think that it finally took a toll on her. We did counseling. It was a waste of time (for us). Ultimately, if she’s mentally decided that she’s done, I don’t think you’ll be able to save it. I saw that with mine, and I’ve seen the same thing with a few friends and acquaintances. It’s too easy for the woman to walk away these days, and divorce law all plays into their hands.
I wish you the best and truly hope that you guys can work things out and save it.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:32 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
Her family is the exact opposite. I’m not sure if that’s playing a factor in this.
It is.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:34 am to broadhead
quote:
You're an alcoholic and it will ruin your life. Get help quickly if you truly love her. But at this point, she might be sick of your shite.
He needs to get help, but not for her. He needs to get help for himself, which would obviously benefit them both. But with addictions like alcoholism, he won't get better unless he truly wants himself to get better. While doing it for someone else can be a good motivator, it ultimately has to be for himself. And if he's not of sound body and mind, then he surely can't be there truly for someone else.
Having close relationships with numerous alcoholics in my life, an addict won't get clean until they truly admit to having a problem that they themselves want to fix. Hopefully OP can recognize his issues and address them properly and get better, and hopefully his wife is still around once he does, because he will be 100 times better and more pleasant to be around. I just hope it isn't too late for him (and it doesn't sound like it is yet, which is good).
This post was edited on 6/15/23 at 10:39 am
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:35 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
We’ve only been married for over 2 years.
Plot twist. Sounds like she's realizing she made a mistake and is cashing out early. It takes a while to process, but you'll get on your feet soon enough.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:37 am to Lakeboy7
quote:
I did divorce work when I first started practicing. When a woman says she is done its over. The sexes process things differently but that means she has gone through her process and made a decision. AT the same point for men its like an anvil fell out of the sky and landed on their head, just didnt see it.
Exactly my situation 8 years ago.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:37 am to TexasTiger08
From all the posts you've made thus far...
1. You can't seem to control your drinking. It doesn't seem to be that you are drinking constantly, but that when you start you can't stop until drunk. I used to be in that same boat, so I stopped drinking (that and it became harder and harder to recover as I've gotten older). These days I rarely drink, and when I do it's rarely more than 2-3 beers.
2. You both need to communicate better. If she's concerned about your well-being (job stress, it seems), then she needs to learn how to express it without coming across as nagging and you need to learn how to accept it as her not nagging (I have no idea if this latter part applies to you specifically, but usually it's a bit of both).
3. You mentioned being depressed. You need to get to the root of that. This likely plays into the stress of your old job as well as your drinking issues. That said, dissatisfaction with where you are in life is common and if that's the case then start focusing more on the things in your life you are thankful for.
From the limited information you've provided, it sounds like you both still care deeply for one another but need to work on your communication skills (both within yourselves and with each other).
Get some counselling but be ready (both of you) to hear some uncomfortable things. The hardest part is for both parties to fully accept their issues without feeling the need to spotlight the failings of each other.
Good luck.
1. You can't seem to control your drinking. It doesn't seem to be that you are drinking constantly, but that when you start you can't stop until drunk. I used to be in that same boat, so I stopped drinking (that and it became harder and harder to recover as I've gotten older). These days I rarely drink, and when I do it's rarely more than 2-3 beers.
2. You both need to communicate better. If she's concerned about your well-being (job stress, it seems), then she needs to learn how to express it without coming across as nagging and you need to learn how to accept it as her not nagging (I have no idea if this latter part applies to you specifically, but usually it's a bit of both).
3. You mentioned being depressed. You need to get to the root of that. This likely plays into the stress of your old job as well as your drinking issues. That said, dissatisfaction with where you are in life is common and if that's the case then start focusing more on the things in your life you are thankful for.
From the limited information you've provided, it sounds like you both still care deeply for one another but need to work on your communication skills (both within yourselves and with each other).
Get some counselling but be ready (both of you) to hear some uncomfortable things. The hardest part is for both parties to fully accept their issues without feeling the need to spotlight the failings of each other.
Good luck.
This post was edited on 6/15/23 at 10:39 am
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:40 am to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
Dude, she's checked out. A long time ago. Sorry, but that's the hard truth. Marriage counseling is her way of saying she tried in order to make herself feel better.
I may have missed something but seems like you’re making some unfounded assumptions.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:40 am to TexasTiger08
How old are you, OP?
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:44 am to KLSU
quote:
When a woman says she is done its over. The sexes process things differently but that means she has gone through her process and made a decision. AT the same point for men its like an anvil fell out of the sky and landed on their head, just didnt see it.
Exactly my situation 8 years ago.
And mine 4 years ago.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:45 am to Gings5
(no message)
This post was edited on 7/12/23 at 9:31 am
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:46 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
We’ve been faithful to each other. I guess I’m just not what she wants?
and you believe that BS
she has been fricking around on you for a while, thats how it starts and why she stopped loving you. its step 1 and then counseling is step 2 so she feels less guilty cheating on you and lying to you.
all women are liars and whores, none are faithful, none.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:46 am to TexasTiger08
From my dad to my three brothers to all my uncles on my dads side, I’m the only one to still be married once. Those men have been through some women. Sooner or later, you have to look in the mirror………
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:48 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
My depression, which I thought would be alleviated with me starting a new job, has taken too much of a toll on here. I had a bad drinking episode around Easter that weighed heavily upon her.
quote:
I guess I’m just not what she wants?
Yea, I don't think thats what anyone wants. Fixing your bullshite just not an option so you are going to dump her? Sounds reasonable.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:48 am to TexasTiger08
In my case, my wife was often the cause of my depression. If that is the case for you, then get out now. You'll be better off for it.
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:50 am to DevilDagNS
(no message)
This post was edited on 7/12/23 at 9:32 am
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:52 am to keakar
quote:
she has been fricking around on you for a while, thats how it starts and why she stopped loving you. its step 1 and then counseling is step 2 so she feels less guilty cheating on you and lying to you. all women are liars and whores, none are faithful, none.
Sounds like you’re the one who’s been cheated on and trying to project here
This post was edited on 6/15/23 at 10:53 am
Posted on 6/15/23 at 10:52 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
I’m the one being dumped I believe
Sort of. Because no one wants to live with a depressed alcoholic. But it sounds like you have the ultimate power to rectify the situation. So yea, you are dumping her.
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