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re: Starting Over After Divorce
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:09 am to GreatLakesTiger24
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:09 am to GreatLakesTiger24
I was barely married in my 2nd marriage and late 39s and I was in optimal shape. I could run all day and could get a 280 on the APFT with a hangover.
Part of the reason I had so many dirty legs for that period until I met my wife.
Part of the reason I had so many dirty legs for that period until I met my wife.
This post was edited on 2/19/24 at 11:14 am
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Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:11 am to back9Tiger
I rarely post here but this one hits close to home so I'll put in my two cents.
I lost my wife to cancer @ 36 with a 4 year old child. I was settled down and worried mostly about things like my family, job, my lawn, etc. I took about a year to deal with the loss, work on myself, and give attention to my child. I did some passion projects to keep myself busy while finding a few casual connections to fend off the loneliness. What I came to realize that was at 37, single, and gainfully employed the women will come. For the first time in my life I was telling women "We're better as friends" if they didn't stand up to what I was looking for.
I made sure to fortify the bond with my child and make sure it remains the top priority in my life.
Don't worry about what you can't control and work on yourself/existing relationships. You're in the power position and if you internalize that others will easily see it.
I lost my wife to cancer @ 36 with a 4 year old child. I was settled down and worried mostly about things like my family, job, my lawn, etc. I took about a year to deal with the loss, work on myself, and give attention to my child. I did some passion projects to keep myself busy while finding a few casual connections to fend off the loneliness. What I came to realize that was at 37, single, and gainfully employed the women will come. For the first time in my life I was telling women "We're better as friends" if they didn't stand up to what I was looking for.
I made sure to fortify the bond with my child and make sure it remains the top priority in my life.
Don't worry about what you can't control and work on yourself/existing relationships. You're in the power position and if you internalize that others will easily see it.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:16 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Focus on being a good Dad. Don’t worry about anything else. That should be your focus whether you were still married or divorced.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:18 am to BobABooey
quote:
People say to fight for joint custody but you might end up like me and your ex will give you full custody and be a mom when it’s convenient.
I'm older than OP with older kids, but this. Of course, once she talks to all her friends and realizes how much child support she's missing out on, she'll fight to get them back.
One thing no one has mentioned here is I had my golden retriever keeping me company through the darkest days of my divorce... a more loyal and faithful hound has never lived. I thank God I have him and the drunk count didn't want him.
This post was edited on 2/19/24 at 11:19 am
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:18 am to Nelson Biederman IV
1. Do not get serious with another woman, date casually, if too socially award - there are escorts, they are cheaper in the long term.
2. Hit the gym
3. Spend as much time as possible with your child - when he's old enough in a few years, camping is great.
4. Focus on work and hobbies
5. Do give in to make up sex with the old lady, she'll try
6. Don't be stupid and buy an 4x4 F250 dually
7. Clean up debt
8. Keep a friendly, platonic relationship with he old lady
9. Travel - get comfortable with doing stuff along
10. last and mot importantly, DO NOT GET REMARRIED. If you just have to, marry for money, not love.
2. Hit the gym
3. Spend as much time as possible with your child - when he's old enough in a few years, camping is great.
4. Focus on work and hobbies
5. Do give in to make up sex with the old lady, she'll try
6. Don't be stupid and buy an 4x4 F250 dually
7. Clean up debt
8. Keep a friendly, platonic relationship with he old lady
9. Travel - get comfortable with doing stuff along
10. last and mot importantly, DO NOT GET REMARRIED. If you just have to, marry for money, not love.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:31 am to WonPercent
quote:You're taking a lot of liberty with what a homebody can or cannot be.
OP said he's a homebody and his only hobby is hunting. I put 2 and 2 together.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:34 am to Tigers4Lyfe
quote:
You're taking a lot of liberty with what a homebody can or cannot be.
Hitting the gym has been scientifically proven to boost mental health, so who cares if he's fat or not? If he is fat, he gets that benefit too.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:36 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Travel, sex, ball games with the guys,- you are exactly where so many unhappily married men dream of being.Don’t screw this up. Also sex.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:43 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Life is about to be much better. The time you spend with your child will be higher quality without her there. You will do more for yourself without compromise. Enjoy your freedom.
Women available to you will be higher quality, assuming you stay in shape and aren't a prick. I was older than you and had matured well. Seven years later, I married a living doll.
These sad times can result in the best times of your life if you let it.
Women available to you will be higher quality, assuming you stay in shape and aren't a prick. I was older than you and had matured well. Seven years later, I married a living doll.
These sad times can result in the best times of your life if you let it.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:44 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Got divorced at 37 just got remarried at 46. My kids were 13, 8, and 7 at the time.
You just have to do you and be in your kids life as much as possible.
You just have to do you and be in your kids life as much as possible.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:48 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
I’m 36
quote:
. I’m an old man.
I'm 60, at 36, I was chasing it every night. I basically have the same hobbies as you. Get off your arse and wake the frick up. Only if I could be 36 again. I didn't get married till I was 41, and had kids at 45.
As far as getting into a relationship or getting married again, make sure you know what you're getting into.
This post was edited on 2/19/24 at 11:51 am
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:55 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Lots of good advice in here but to simplify:
Go to the gym and take care of yourself.
Eat well and dont abuse alcohol or other substances.
Get financially right, get rid of debt.
Be great dad and prioritize time with your child, they will be there with you the rest of your life. The women or friends you meet may not be.
YOU WILL ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE YOURSELF.
Seriously, I started to hit the gym at 35 and was financially and physically peaking for the next 5 years. I can attest from experience that the amount and quality of women available to you will be more than you ever thought you would get attention from if you do the same. From 35 to 45 if you're in good shape, a great dad, financially square, you will attract great partners.
Go to the gym and take care of yourself.
Eat well and dont abuse alcohol or other substances.
Get financially right, get rid of debt.
Be great dad and prioritize time with your child, they will be there with you the rest of your life. The women or friends you meet may not be.
YOU WILL ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE YOURSELF.
Seriously, I started to hit the gym at 35 and was financially and physically peaking for the next 5 years. I can attest from experience that the amount and quality of women available to you will be more than you ever thought you would get attention from if you do the same. From 35 to 45 if you're in good shape, a great dad, financially square, you will attract great partners.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 11:59 am to Nelson Biederman IV
I went through this about 9 years ago at 34 with a three year old. Just give it some time and work on being OK with being by yourself for a bit and focus on your kid. It gets better.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 12:02 pm to Nelson Biederman IV
Unless she is having an affair, freaking nut up and get counseling and figure it out. Divorcing with a 7 month old child is child abuse.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 12:19 pm to Nelson Biederman IV
soon, you'll be 40, employed, settled, and over her. you'll be spending your fun time with a 5 year old boy, and having a ball. They really are fun. women that you think are out of your league will come looking.
stay out of the bottle and whores.
stay out of the bottle and whores.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 2:00 pm to JimEagle
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry for your loss. This was a huge fear of mine for a long time, something happening to her. I’m in a pretty good place about things, I think. I did notice a lot of presumptive and ignorant responses, which I expected. To clarify, there was no infidelity, we went through counseling(she refused to return after our son was born), I did not file for divorce, and our son was not planned. Mental health and Postpartum Depression has played a part. Things have happened that cannot be overcome and this is just how it has to be. Thanks to everyone that shared their experiences. I’m looking forward to moving forward and being able to enjoy life and watching my son grow.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 2:13 pm to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
there was no infidelity
BS.
You just don't want to either admit it or accept it. She was getting a side piece of Oscar Myer. It's ok to bury your head to protect your mind, but sorry you're wrong here.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 2:16 pm to Oates Mustache
quote:
BS.
You just don't want to either admit it or accept it. She was getting a side piece of Oscar Myer.
You seem VERY sure of this... something you want to disclose here ?
Posted on 2/19/24 at 2:18 pm to Long Ball Larry
quote:
You seem VERY sure of this... something you want to disclose here ?
Yes.
GeorgetheGreek and The Boat have been "just talking" to her and have "been there for her".
Posted on 2/19/24 at 2:22 pm to Oates Mustache
quote:I agree. But wouldn't you agree as well that exactly that is what should be said?
Hitting the gym has been scientifically proven to boost mental health, so who cares if he's fat or not? If he is fat, he gets that benefit too.
Go to the gym that it's been scientifically proven to boost one's mental health.
As opposed to get to the gym and get in shape.
frick, one can be a homebody and still eat properly, be in shape and exercise at home.
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