re: So..got in a fight with the wife tonight…

quote:

---

More excuses. Her hormones will suddenly be fine once she fires up Tinder.

---

Hormones aren’t anything to be trifled with. I had a radical hysterectomy last year and the physical effects of menopause completely suck.

That being said, it’s on her to seek help to manage her moods if it’s a problem.

She needs to figure out if she’s in or out of your marriage. Sounds like she’s sitting the fence right now.

quote:

---

I’ve been married for 25 years to a woman I love immensely.

---

Sorry for the novel, but I relate to this a lot.

Focus on the part in bold, and start there. You have several things going on, and they are all converging into a perfect storm.

Her position in life, that has likely been her most important "work" to date, is quickly heading into forced retirement. This is where I, personally, am living, and it's scary. When that last baby starts driving, a stay at home mom all of a sudden has a lot of free time and it doesn't feel good, at all. When you're used to being busy from sun up to sun down, it's just an odd feeling, and you have too much time to think.

And also don't downplay how hard it is for a mama to let her baby fly the nest. Not sure if your recent grad is leaving home, but that is huge. Cannot be understated.

So, she's trying to fill her time with activities so she feels needed and wanted. She's likely rekindling friendships that got lost in the way of the busyness of motherhood. This is why women join tennis leagues, play Mah Jong, join book clubs. It's just a way to socialize and actually feel somewhat productive.

quote:

---

We’re both from traditional families and decided that before our first she would stay home and I would be the bread winner.

---

Then there's this part. You still have a kid at home for 3 more years . There's probably a tad bit of bitterness associated with going "back" to work. She has been working by providing stability in your home and with your kids so you could go out and create what I assume is a very productive career. You've moved up the ladder and likely now enjoy a good bit of autonomy. You never worried if the kids were sick or needed to go to soccer practice if you were busy at work. She handled it for you so you could go out and do great things. The idea of starting at the bottom with two weeks of vacation along recent college grads is a tough pill to swallow.

And you've already said you work from home. That's an equally tough thing for her. The home has been her domain, and work from home jobs are hard to find. So she's now being kicked out into the workforce while you get to stay in her space with the dog.

In addition, menopause will mess a person up. Ask me how I know. If your wife has not had all of her hormones tested, she needs to do that yesterday. Two of the hallmark symptoms of menopause are extreme anxiety and fatigue. I was about to break my teeth at night from clenching my jaw, would wake up at 3 AM with my heart racing, etc. That is not my personality. So you drink to calm down, but the alcohol messes with your sleep, so the anxiety and fatigue are 10 times worse the next day.

Finally, when your kids were 5 and 8, she was the caregiver for her dying mother, and then when they were 11 and 14, she was caring for her dying father. Sister is tired. That kind of fatigue can cause an almost nihilistic view of life.

You two need a reset and a few date nights. Maybe even get away for the weekend and just talk honestly and openly. It's a rough patch, but you will get through. May God bless your marriage and give each of you clarity in this situation.

quote:

---

Men have hormones too, but they've long been an excuse for women that are unable to productively deal with them, or get them treated. The fact that she can be involved and interested in "her" activities, but not anything related to real life is telling.

For whatever reason, she doesn't respect the OP anymore, and she apparently never had an identity other than chaos creating mom. That has little to nothing to do with hormones.

---

I see where you’re coming from, and I don’t necessarily disagree that this could be the case here.

quote:

---

i encourage you to keep trying to make it work for the sake of your children and the vows you took before God Almighty

---

What does God say about a unilateral breach of contract?

Girls Weekends (getting away) + Yoga (getting that body tight) + excessive drinking (lowered inhibitions while away) + non-sexual with spouse but not yet menopause = a high probability of infidelity.

Does God say keep eating shite till your dead while your wife (who took the same vows) is getting vacay slayed?

Sorry you’re going through this OP. Sounds pretty horrible. Maybe follow her on a vacation, stalk the dude(s) she’s messing with, then rape their butts. Is that how reclaim porn works, or did I get that backwards?

quote:

---

HouseMom

---

Great insights, Housemom!

quote:

---

We’re looking at putting two kids through college

---

I know this wont help much but that really isn't your problem and you are doing a disservice to your kids if you do provide their college education for them. Let them make their choices on whats best for them. They need to be responsible for the cost of their education vs what they will make in a career. They need full ownership of such large life decisions.

This would at least help lessen the financial stress of the situation and you can focus more on her, your marriage and parenting your kids.

quote:

---

practicing yoga is 100% an open door to the demonic. The body positions and mantras are designed to worship a spiritual entity (aka demon) (ref. spirit of Kundalini) It's essentially an ouija board for exercise.

---

Sifting through all of the responses now. Thanks to everyone.

quote:

---

I'm so blessed to have a wife who wants to work.

---

I’m dealing with the empty nest thing by throwing myself into working overtime.

It’s nice to have an outlet outside of your family and home sometimes.

quote:

---

Squatch, the red flag went up on this comment. Some people won't like this, but practicing yoga is 100% an open door to the demonic. The body positions and mantras are designed to worship a spiritual entity (aka demon) (ref. spirit of Kundalini) It's essentially a ouija board for exercise.

---

Wut? I thought you were going to say something about the flexibility it provides, aka makes sex fun. She's checked off every single cheating box for every thread ever posted about that topic on this board