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re: So..got in a fight with the wife tonight…
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:41 am to chrome_daddy
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:41 am to chrome_daddy
quote:
Before you say "I / we don't have time for the above", MAKE TIME.
I'd say that if they have to do what you're suggesting they already have way too much time on their hands
0
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:41 am to chrome_daddy
Bruh, you think going for a walk, working at a food bank, and fixing the plumbing is going to help a drunk woman who has no desire to work?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:44 am to SquatchDawg
menopause is a bitch
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:45 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
he’s right. Nobody would hire her.
quote:
The sad thing is she’s one of the best sales people I’ve ever known….and you’re talking to a guy that has worked with 7 figure sales guys. She’s that good at closing but hates it.
Speaking as a married stay at home mom of 25yrs... the job market is different and daunting. I would be shocked and fearful if my husband all the sudden asked me to go to work. And I don't have the tragedies on me that she does.
Her confidence and self worth has taken a hit... She was a caregiver for five people, two are dead, two don't "need" her and the last one is now asking her to do something that she doesn't feel capable of doing, that's going to sting a good bit.
She's probably into her friends right now so hard because those are the only relationships that **didn't** change on her.
She does sound very depressed... nearly everything she's invested herself in these 25yrs is either over, unnecessary or expectations have changed- that is a HUGE blow. I agree with the other posters she needs help.
Your children can help take care of their own schooling... maybe putting that pressure on a depressed and misplaced woman that you love isn't the answer for the moment.
Ask me anything if you wanna bounce questions off the female half of a 25 year marriage with a homemaker dynamic.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:47 am to Lake08
quote:
1 on this. I would be very wary of her spending time with her “friends” for lunch or weekend getaways. Unfortunately that doesn’t pass the smell test good luck
No, it doesn't at all. And look at my other post connecting depression to cheating. If she hasn't already, she's about to. This "finding herself" phase is also seeking the attention of other men.
fricked up for OP, I really feel for him.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:48 am to mmmmmbeeer
quote:
perimenopause,
More excuses. Her hormones will suddenly be fine once she fires up Tinder.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:50 am to LemmyLives
Are you just trolling or do you really believe that hormones don’t affect personalities?
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:52 am to chrome_daddy
quote:
3. Invent some house projects you can both work on together. They can start out being simple to the more complex.
This would be great advice if he was looking to get divorced tonight
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:52 am to SquatchDawg
Man I feel for you. I understand she has gone through a lot but that's unfair to put you through all that.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:53 am to theunknownknight
quote:The OP asked for actionable opinions of what he could do to help his wife. Being the helpful person I am, I provided some ideas.
Bruh, you think going for a walk, working at a food bank, and fixing the plumbing is going to help a drunk woman who has no desire to work?
Here's your action item: frick off.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:53 am to SquatchDawg
Have you tried to PIIHB after the half bottle of wine?
That may smooth things over
That may smooth things over
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:53 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
Why am I having to deal with this bullshite?
That's life... not being trite, but marriage goes through a lot over a lifetime, good and bad. You're in the bad part right now and you can stand strong and help your wife heal or you can walk... I don't advise walking when it gets tough, that's not what marriage is all about.
There's this one little bible verse about a cord of three strands... you, her and God. She's unraveling but those other two strands CAN hold until she gets herself together. One day you might find yourself unraveling and will need her to be the strong one.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:53 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
We’ve managed to pull out of that but she’s drinking a half to full bottle of wine a night. I’m
If it’s a problem to stop, it’s a problem.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:54 am to PurpleSingularity
quote:
Have you tried to PIIHB after the half bottle of wine?
That may smooth things over
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:56 am to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Are you just trolling or do you really believe that hormones don’t affect personalities?
Men have hormones too, but they've long been an excuse for women that are unable to productively deal with them, or get them treated. The fact that she can be involved and interested in "her" activities, but not anything related to real life is telling.
For whatever reason, she doesn't respect the OP anymore, and she apparently never had an identity other than chaos creating mom. That has little to nothing to do with hormones.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:57 am to Obtuse1
quote:
You have to find a way to help her fix the root issue (likely depression) when she is well on that road she can help support the family. Mom needs some help right now and if you have understanding kids they can be part of that too. She needs to know they need her and not because they need a new phone or books but they need their mom. You need to set aside the job issue for now and work on figuring out what SHE needs to start climbing out. Her ladder out of the hole is not the same as your ladder would be and it damn sure isn't you trying to convinve yourself you are right about her going back to work. You know your finances and I will assume your are RIGHT but it is counterproductive trying to be right... right now.
Squatch... Obtuse1 has a very acute point here, put it way better than I could have.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:57 am to Oates Mustache
quote:
I'm no psychiatrist, but this seems like a clear case of depression.
I am a mental health professional and you are correct. This (based on what you have posted) is clear depression. Starting with the caregiving for her mother, the deaths of both parents and now the excessive drinking. I say excessive because even if she is not getting sloppy drunk every night, drinking like you described is not healthy physically. Additionally, alcohol is a depressant so over time it compound any depression a person may be experiencing outside of their alcohol use.
Do everything you can to get her to a therapist, and if you can convince her have her go to her doctor for a full work up. There are sometimes physical issues that present as something like depression. Also, she may have some hormonal “imbalances” going on that can be addressed and help her to start to feel better.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:58 am to SquatchDawg
With the way things are today, it's way too easy for her to find some man who will tell her what she wants to hear about going back to work.
Posted on 6/27/25 at 8:59 am to Champagne
quote:
it's way too easy for her to find some man who will tell her what she wants to hear about going back to work.
Jody has an excellent bedside manner
Posted on 6/27/25 at 9:01 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
The sad thing is guys…that would give me an easy exit from this situation.
It's not going to be easy, but you need to protect yourself.
Trackers on her phone and car, hidden camera in living room and kitchen.
All she has to do is say the word "abuse" and your life is over.
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