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Message
re: Single Father/Stay at Home Dad Forum
Posted on 1/24/17 at 6:47 am to CorkSoaker
Posted on 1/24/17 at 6:47 am to CorkSoaker
quote:
I'm just so tired of people giving me their sad or worried looks & the same words.
quote:
We're not church people, especially now. Have a quarrel with any God that puts a spouse & innocent kids through this.
So you reply with...
quote:
So sorry. Prayers for your family
idiot
1
Posted on 1/24/17 at 6:47 am to beej
Sorry to hear that man. I think I stand with the majority by saying that we are going to try to help however we can. Good to see you are staying with your kids during this situation. Just love them like hell and never let go
This post was edited on 1/24/17 at 6:48 am
Posted on 1/24/17 at 6:49 am to beej
quote:
beej
Sorry you had to go through that.
quote:
Mr. Hangover
You'd be surprised at the amount of good information and help you can get from this site
I know you're looking for something more specific, I'm just saying.. I'm sure there are guys here who are (regretfully) in your same situation... condolences
Agreed
quote:
skidry I'm three years out from the exact same thing. Kids were 13, 11, and 4. If I can help you at all I will. Where are you? Would consider lunch?
There you go guys , hopefully yall can connect. I have a 12 and 11 year old and I couldn't imagine being without my wife raising them. Good thoughts and vibes to you guys.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 7:53 am to beej
It's been 1 year and 8 months since C took my wife. I have two boys still at home and I had worked at home at the time. Life goes on. I decided to carry on with discipline as we did when she was here, however I did become more lenient. We talk about the good times among us and mention her often in scenarios as we go about our daily tasks. This helps as we often end up bringing up some great and cool stories when things were normal.
The master bedroom and the master bathroom, which I considered to be her domain, remains unchanged. Her stuff, her makeup, her jewelry, her brushes, etc., all remain untouched until we feel we can go through it all.
It is what it is.
The master bedroom and the master bathroom, which I considered to be her domain, remains unchanged. Her stuff, her makeup, her jewelry, her brushes, etc., all remain untouched until we feel we can go through it all.
It is what it is.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:20 am to beej
OP, I lost my wife, too. My kids were not little at the time, but it was still traumatic for them. You will find that there are a lot more men in the same situation as you as you think. A good first step was casting out the net here and seeing if anyone has experienced something similar. That will help normalize things for you a bit, when you see that others have done it and survived.
I really don't have much for you resource-wise. I never really used any services to help me. But, I can say this... it's been five years, and honestly, my life is good again. I'll never forget my wife, but we're fully recovered now, with new family members and new directions in life. I have two pieces of advice for you. One is practical, and one is not.
First, you have to force multiply. Teach the kids as soon as you can to load the dishwasher, fold clothes, cut the grass, etc. It can't be all on you, and you can't be a servant to your kids. You must all serve your House. It doesn't have to be run like a military camp. There just has to be teamwork. The kids can do more than you think.
Second, as hard as it can be to summon, you have to keep a positive outlook in the house. Time is your ally here. It will get easier every day, every week, every month, every year. But you have to keep the focus forward. Look through the windshield more than the rear view mirror. It sucks. I know. I even hate saying it. But forward is where you're going from now on. Remembering is okay... but don't let the past impede the future.
Good luck... you have all the tools to make this work, inside you right now. Open the toolbox and get going.
I really don't have much for you resource-wise. I never really used any services to help me. But, I can say this... it's been five years, and honestly, my life is good again. I'll never forget my wife, but we're fully recovered now, with new family members and new directions in life. I have two pieces of advice for you. One is practical, and one is not.
First, you have to force multiply. Teach the kids as soon as you can to load the dishwasher, fold clothes, cut the grass, etc. It can't be all on you, and you can't be a servant to your kids. You must all serve your House. It doesn't have to be run like a military camp. There just has to be teamwork. The kids can do more than you think.
Second, as hard as it can be to summon, you have to keep a positive outlook in the house. Time is your ally here. It will get easier every day, every week, every month, every year. But you have to keep the focus forward. Look through the windshield more than the rear view mirror. It sucks. I know. I even hate saying it. But forward is where you're going from now on. Remembering is okay... but don't let the past impede the future.
Good luck... you have all the tools to make this work, inside you right now. Open the toolbox and get going.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:40 am to beej
My dad was in the same position as you. We lost my mom to cancer almost 2 years ago. My sister was about to start her senior year of HS.
We still haven't taken her pictures down, thrown clothes away, etc. and he's dating again. It doesn't seem weird to us because she was the rock of our family and we could never imagine not seeing her pictures around the house. Every one is different though.
One thing that has helped, and we're lucky, is living very close to his sisters and brothers. We cook, get together with them multiple nights a week and have become kind of an extended family. We never leave them out of plans and they don't either. It especially helped with my sister, having our aunt there to kind of guide her. Hope this helps. Prayers headed your way.
We still haven't taken her pictures down, thrown clothes away, etc. and he's dating again. It doesn't seem weird to us because she was the rock of our family and we could never imagine not seeing her pictures around the house. Every one is different though.
One thing that has helped, and we're lucky, is living very close to his sisters and brothers. We cook, get together with them multiple nights a week and have become kind of an extended family. We never leave them out of plans and they don't either. It especially helped with my sister, having our aunt there to kind of guide her. Hope this helps. Prayers headed your way.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:44 am to beej
quote:
We're not church people, especially now. Have a quarrel with any God that puts a spouse & innocent kids through this.
Kids range from primary to preschool/day care.
The only advice I can offer is to give the book The Shack a read. For someone in your situation, it could be life changing.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:45 am to beej
quote:
Looking for help talking to my boys & girls about nearly everything that'll come up. Life balance. How to handle discipline. When I'll know I can part with my wives belongings or how to store them for my kids. That kind of stuff.
Youre their dad and you love them. Youll make the right decisions
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:47 am to beej
If this is a real post sorry for your loss
You should reconsider this:
You should reconsider this:
quote:
Have a quarrel with any God that puts a spouse & innocent kids through this.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:49 am to Yewkindewit
quote:
The master bedroom and the master bathroom, which I considered to be her domain, remains unchanged. Her stuff, her makeup, her jewelry, her brushes, etc., all remain untouched until we feel we can go through it all.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:51 am to terd ferguson
reddit.com/r/widowers
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:57 am to beej
I can't imagine what that must be like to have to explain the death of a parent to a young child. I hope I never have to do that.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:58 am to SpqrTiger
quote:
It's been 1 year and 8 months since C took my wife. I have two boys still at home and I had worked at home at the time. Life goes on. I decided to carry on with discipline as we did when she was here, however I did become more lenient. We talk about the good times among us and mention her often in scenarios as we go about our daily tasks. This helps as we often end up bringing up some great and cool stories when things were normal. The master bedroom and the master bathroom, which I considered to be her domain, remains unchanged. Her stuff, her makeup, her jewelry, her brushes, etc., all remain untouched until we feel we can go through it all.
quote:
I really don't have much for you resource-wise. I never really used any services to help me. But, I can say this... it's been five years, and honestly, my life is good again. I'll never forget my wife, but we're fully recovered now, with new family members and new directions in life. I have two pieces of advice for you. One is practical, and one is not.
First, you have to force multiply. Teach the kids as soon as you can to load the dishwasher, fold clothes, cut the grass, etc. It can't be all on you, and you can't be a servant to your kids. You must all serve your House. It doesn't have to be run like a military camp. There just has to be teamwork. The kids can do more than you think.
Second, as hard as it can be to summon, you have to keep a positive outlook in the house. Time is your ally here. It will get easier every day, every week, every month, every year. But you have to keep the focus forward. Look through the windshield more than the rear view mirror. It sucks. I know. I even hate saying it. But forward is where you're going from now on. Remembering is okay... but don't let the past impede the future.
Good luck... you have all the tools to make this work, inside you right now. Open the toolbox and get going.
I think I have something in my eye.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 8:58 am to beej
So sorry for your loss and cannont imagine what it would feel like to lose my wife. I cant understand your confusion and how you may be mad at God, because I have not been through the situation you have. But I assure you it was not God that did this.
Stay strong and I hope that you find the help that you need, never go a day without letting your children know you love them.
Stay strong and I hope that you find the help that you need, never go a day without letting your children know you love them.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 9:30 am to beej
Where are you located? If in the Nashville area, me and my wife can help out with the kids if you need it. We have a little one in daycare too.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 9:33 am to pioneerbasketball
Posted on 1/24/17 at 9:50 am to beej
Goodness. As I read this thread, apparently an invisible person has snuck into my office and is invisibly cutting lots of onions right in front of my face.
I don't have many fears in life but this is one of them. I have two young daughters and although I try to be the best dad I can be, there is no doubt that my wife takes on the majority of child-raising duties. And with girls, although the girls and my wife get on each other's nerves at times, there are things that a girl needs a mom/woman figure for.
I assume she had enough life insurance on her that you can take a few years off of work?
I don't know of any groups or anything. Maybe you could go back to the hospital or any groups/providers that were helping her when she had cancer, and see if they know of anything?
I don't have many fears in life but this is one of them. I have two young daughters and although I try to be the best dad I can be, there is no doubt that my wife takes on the majority of child-raising duties. And with girls, although the girls and my wife get on each other's nerves at times, there are things that a girl needs a mom/woman figure for.
I assume she had enough life insurance on her that you can take a few years off of work?
I don't know of any groups or anything. Maybe you could go back to the hospital or any groups/providers that were helping her when she had cancer, and see if they know of anything?
Posted on 1/24/17 at 9:56 am to beej
Sorry for your loss. My son passed away 2 1/2 years ago and a I have another five year old son.
The only advice I have is see if there is a non church based grief support group in your area. I went the grief share route that is church based and didn't like it for much the same reason you mentioned. Being upset with God at the time for taking my son. I have moved past that now.
We have a non church related non profit group here in Austin that has weekly grief support meetings. Kids are welcome and we break apart into seperate grief groups based on your loss. Kids go to one room, parents that lost kids to another, and widowers to another. It has been nice to meet people in the same situation and I have made a lot of new friends that are going thru the same thing as me.
I really hope your city has some kinda resource for grief support. I thought it seemed stupid and didnt want to go to the first meeting. However having a group of other men and women in the same situation has proven invaluable.
The only advice I have is see if there is a non church based grief support group in your area. I went the grief share route that is church based and didn't like it for much the same reason you mentioned. Being upset with God at the time for taking my son. I have moved past that now.
We have a non church related non profit group here in Austin that has weekly grief support meetings. Kids are welcome and we break apart into seperate grief groups based on your loss. Kids go to one room, parents that lost kids to another, and widowers to another. It has been nice to meet people in the same situation and I have made a lot of new friends that are going thru the same thing as me.
I really hope your city has some kinda resource for grief support. I thought it seemed stupid and didnt want to go to the first meeting. However having a group of other men and women in the same situation has proven invaluable.
This post was edited on 1/24/17 at 10:02 am
Posted on 1/24/17 at 10:04 am to LSUFanHouston
As bad as this place can be at times, and I often don't help any to make it better, it truly is refreshing to see the great number of positive and supporting replies in this thread.
Posted on 1/24/17 at 10:22 am to SpqrTiger
well it seems that you arent the religious type but just know you and your kids are in my prayers.
Just know it's ok to cry and feel sad. Don't let it control you but its ok to show it. Bottling it up will mess with your head.
I wish the best for you and your family.
Just know it's ok to cry and feel sad. Don't let it control you but its ok to show it. Bottling it up will mess with your head.
I wish the best for you and your family.
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