Reaction to cancer news

Misery loves it's company.

People are more apt to spread misery to make themselves feel better.

I’m certain their not trying to be insensitive. Just curious where that comes from

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I’m not sure what their motive is but not exactly what I would want to hear.

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It's natural for people to want to relate to a situation. If it's not what you want to hear, maybe you shouldn't tell them about your wife. It may not be exactly what they want to hear either.

Probably because they don't know what else to say and are trying to relate.

Being vague and short may be the issue. The less you say, the more they may be compelled to fill in something generic about cancer.

Ive got CLL and just don't talk about it IRL. People are just uncomfortable with the issue

It’s really a tough thing to respond to - trust me

Yep. All the time. And it is my own cancer that often elicits that response. I think people just awkwardly want to relate, without thinking of all the implications.

Sorry about your wife. I'll give you a better story. This time last year I was waiting on my last treatment for stage iv cancer. I'm cancer free and training for a marathon.

I've had it twice & both times felt that the people being told the news took it harder than I ever did, I really didn't experience anyone going straight for the horror stories, but I remained pretty upbeat about it. People just don't know what to say sometimes. Having gone through it, I now tell people that are diagnosed that I'll be praying for them. I also tell them the truth-that there were many blessings while I was treating & I met some incredible people. My rad onco is one of my favorite people on the planet & it's unlikely that I would've met him otherwise.

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It’s interesting that every time I tell someone or they ask about her they inevitably come right back with their own cancer story about a friend, relative etc that was diagnosed and died shortly there after. I’m not sure what their motive is but not exactly what I would want to hear. Anyone else experience this? Really strange dynamic.

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Not about cancer specifically, but I've noticed that people are generally terrible listeners and are usually just thinking about what they are going to say next. Because of that, I try to ask questions and then listen to the answer.