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Message
Question about popping the question
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:26 pm
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:26 pm
Been with my gf for 5 years, some off and on but really good the past year or so. I know she's the one to marry. I'm 27, she's 25. For her, her parents, mine, etc it seems like it should be an automatic. I don't feel like I'm ready and I think once it goes from "boyfriend" to "husband", her expectations on little things will change, while for me we love each other as we are so she shouldn't be surprised when the man she married is the same man she dated. I definitely try to " do right by her" but it's with that mindset that i don't feel like it's smart for us to get married yet, and I feel like we're young enough to wait but she thinks we're going to be chasing our kids with walkers and canes at this rate.
What says y'all? Should I just pop the question for the sake of taking the next step, or wait until I feel I feel more confident that I'm ready?
Part of me also feels like based my work habits despite how I feel about it I just do what I have to do to be successful, so I'm wondering if I might just bow up once it's done..
What says y'all? Should I just pop the question for the sake of taking the next step, or wait until I feel I feel more confident that I'm ready?
Part of me also feels like based my work habits despite how I feel about it I just do what I have to do to be successful, so I'm wondering if I might just bow up once it's done..
34
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:27 pm to Geauxdhan08
If you're not ready you're not ready. Don't let outside expectations make that decision for you, be that from society, your parents, or her.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:28 pm to Geauxdhan08
Move in together. Have a 6 month trial marriage.
You don't sound ready, IMO.
You don't sound ready, IMO.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:28 pm to Geauxdhan08
You should talk to her about your concerns
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:29 pm to Draconian Sanctions
quote:
If you're not ready you're not ready
Exactly this
Let her know how you feel; she can help take some of the outside pressure off
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:29 pm to Geauxdhan08
I just got engaged and the wedding is not for another year and half. Things don't have to move as quickly as you think.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:29 pm to Geauxdhan08
quote:
For her, her parents, mine, etc it seems like it should be an automatic
What? If you are getting married because its good for other people then.. Don't.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:31 pm to Geauxdhan08
quote:This needs to be established from the jump.
the man she married is the same man she dated
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:31 pm to Geauxdhan08
I have a migraine from reading some of that. Thanks a lot.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:31 pm to Geauxdhan08
Don't do it ever. 10 minutes after the ceremony she'll want kids and a new house. You'll be broke, drinking yourself to sleep every night with rug rats eating all your fishing/hunting/stripper/fun money. No poonaner. Not that you'd want it cause she done ate 5,000 hotdogs and gained 30 pounds.
Run for your life get some help!
Run for your life get some help!
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:31 pm to Geauxdhan08
Never do something just because you feel like it's time or because other people expect it. Do it because you want to and because you think it will make you happy.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
This post was edited on 11/17/16 at 1:32 pm
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:31 pm to Geauxdhan08
quote:
I think once it goes from "boyfriend" to "husband", her expectations on little things will change, while for me we love each other as we are so she shouldn't be surprised when the man she married is the same man she dated. I definitely try to " do right by her"
If the person you plan to marry expects you to change as a person after marriage, you two do not need to be getting married. You marry someone as they are, not for who you hope they'll turn into.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:32 pm to J Murdah
quote:
I just got engaged and the wedding is not for another year and half. Things don't have to move as quickly as you think.
Yup. If you believe she is the one, you just aren't ready to actually get married yet, then it is possible to get engaged and NOT set a date. Just don't do it. When you are ready, then set a date. I've seen engagements last 3-4 years.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:32 pm to Geauxdhan08
You're both still young. It's important to be realistic about expectations, but that isn't the same as having doubts. I can't tell which is the case for you. Are you comfortable talking to her about your concerns re: expectations? If not, try to find a counselor. Someone neutral to facilitate those discussions.
Bottom line: if you're not ready now, trust your gut. There's a reason.
Bottom line: if you're not ready now, trust your gut. There's a reason.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:33 pm to The Mick
quote:
the man she married is the same man she dated
quote:
This needs to be established from the jump
Exactly.....start being a dick now
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:33 pm to Geauxdhan08
quote:
Don't do it ever. 10 minutes after the ceremony she'll want kids and a new house. You'll be broke, drinking yourself to sleep every night with rug rats eating all your fishing/hunting/stripper/fun money. No poonaner. Not that you'd want it cause she done ate 5,000 hotdogs and gained 30 pounds. Run for your life get some help!
This is pretty dead on accurate!
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:33 pm to Geauxdhan08
Wait. I would also suggest going to individual counseling and getting an outside point of view from your friends and family.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:34 pm to Geauxdhan08
At your ages, I wouldnt say you are too young to marry or too old to need to hurry. However, the reasons you state for not wanting to get married don't seem like ones that will change if you wait another year or two or five. To me the right thing to do is to have a very straight-forward conversation with your gf about what your concerns are about marriage: you are who you are and you're not going to change just because you become husband/wife. Then go from there.
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:35 pm to Geauxdhan08
im in a similar boat or will be soon. I'm 25 my SO is almost 30. We have been dating for about 2 years and are pretty serious. She is moving with me when I graduate in the Spring.
you have to make your intentions clear. I told mine not to expect to be married for at least another 2 years. I need a year trial of living together plus at least another year to plan a wedding. I have also made it clear that I will not make myself miserable to stay with her just because she is moving with me. If I am not happy I will send her packing.
Seems a little rough but we only see each other 2x a week for a couple hours at a time due to our work schedules and my school schedule. Safe to say I am a little nervous about moving in together
you have to make your intentions clear. I told mine not to expect to be married for at least another 2 years. I need a year trial of living together plus at least another year to plan a wedding. I have also made it clear that I will not make myself miserable to stay with her just because she is moving with me. If I am not happy I will send her packing.
Seems a little rough but we only see each other 2x a week for a couple hours at a time due to our work schedules and my school schedule. Safe to say I am a little nervous about moving in together
Posted on 11/17/16 at 1:35 pm to J Murdah
Good thought I hadn't thought about the adjustment engagement period and she wants at least a year long engagement.. I've told her about all of my apprehensions, I just think the rhetoric will change once the title becomes Mr. And Mrs.
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