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Started By
Message
re: Pros/cons of uprooting and moving or staying close to family
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:32 pm to yankeeundercover
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:32 pm to yankeeundercover
quote:
how dependent/etc is your SO on her family?
She isn’t dependent on her family for money or anything. She just wants to be close to them. She says it will be easier when we have kids.
quote:
but this should have been discussed within the first few months of you guys connecting in the beginning.
It was. Back then, I had a strong desire to stay close to home. I was the only child of my parents that hadn’t moved away. I was comfortable here.
She and I have traveled more and more, and I find myself falling in love with other places. My mindset has changed.
1
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:33 pm to MexicanTiger97
I’m in Corpus Christi.
I don’t think we’d need help to raise a child. It would be cheaper in terms of having baby sitters, but otherwise we’d be good.
I don’t think we’d need help to raise a child. It would be cheaper in terms of having baby sitters, but otherwise we’d be good.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:33 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
My point is, if you really love your family as much as you say, this isn’t an excuse. My sisters are like many people I know. They preach family values, but don’t reciprocate effort. I love them, but if putting kids in your car is too difficult to do when it comes to visiting family, that screams cop out.
Maybe they just don't prioritize visiting family? Lots of people don't. If you don't want to drive there, don't go.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:34 pm to TexasTiger08
San Antonio is still south Texas baw. I lived in corpus for 6 years. I won't live south of I-10, or near it for that matter, without significant compensation.
So there's your answer. Get the frick north.
So there's your answer. Get the frick north.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:38 pm to AllDayEveryDay
Exactly. SA isn’t my prime destination. shite, I’d love to live in Washington, Colorado, and could probably feel damn good in Montana, the Midwest, etc.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:39 pm to TexasTiger08
She brings up a VERY good point... having “permanent babysitters” will save your relationship in the future...
And there’s always a compromise... if she’s willing to concede, if only a little bit. But you have to as well...
Are you looking to “setup shop” somewhere new or are you looking to go see what life looks like with her somewhere else for a little bit?
Perhaps you could check out St. Louis and once she gets pregnant, agree to move back after?
You’d be able to “sew your wild habitation oats” and she’d know that she’d ultimately end up back home... just spitballing here
And there’s always a compromise... if she’s willing to concede, if only a little bit. But you have to as well...
Are you looking to “setup shop” somewhere new or are you looking to go see what life looks like with her somewhere else for a little bit?
Perhaps you could check out St. Louis and once she gets pregnant, agree to move back after?
You’d be able to “sew your wild habitation oats” and she’d know that she’d ultimately end up back home... just spitballing here
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:42 pm to TexasTiger08
Being close to family is so overrated. Technology has made staying in touch too easy and more than a couple of visits a year is too much for many.
You'll probably resent it If you stay because your wife makes that decision. Regret is one of the toughest things to escape.
You'll probably resent it If you stay because your wife makes that decision. Regret is one of the toughest things to escape.
This post was edited on 12/22/19 at 10:56 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:43 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
My point is, if you really love your family as much as you say, this isn’t an excuse. My sisters are like many people I know. They preach family values, but don’t reciprocate effort. I love them, but if putting kids in your car is too difficult to do when it comes to visiting family, that screams cop out.
I understand what you’re saying, but not knowing the specifics you make it sound like you’re the single one in the family. No sense in the two families of 5 driving/flying to your bachelor pad for thanksgiving when you could do it much easier.
They also have families of their own they have to work around/with.
Sounds like you’re learning that dynamic now with your soon to be wife.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:45 pm to yankeeundercover
quote:
Are you looking to “setup shop” somewhere new or are you looking to go see what life looks like with her somewhere else for a little bit?
Probably the latter. If life ends up great there, then stay. But right now I’d say what I’m looking for is an adventure of sorts.
This post was edited on 12/22/19 at 10:45 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:46 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
I don’t think we’d need help to raise a child.
You’ll change this belief when you’re traveling for work/working late and your 8 month pregnant wife is home sick with your 3 year old and it’s been raining for three straight days and school/daycare is out because of some random holiday.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:46 pm to TexasTiger08
How old are you? Are you presumably married? How close are kids on the horizon?
ETA: If you say you <30, unmarried, and just “dating”... then you need to go do you booboo
ETA: If you say you <30, unmarried, and just “dating”... then you need to go do you booboo
This post was edited on 12/22/19 at 10:49 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:46 pm to yankeeundercover
At this cross roads too....
Stay and be close to family or roll the dice and move 8-10 hours away to give our children the best education/opportunities that Louisiana can’t provide.
Con: no immediate support from family in times of need (sick kids, weekend get-away baby sitters, help with travel for work, long way away in the event of emergencies and/or holidays). LSU season tickets are useless
Pro: better opportunities for family and kids, stronger bond in our immediate family unit. Prepare them to go farther in their education/careers that we did, set up the next generation for more success.
Do the pro’s out weigh the cons? That’s the million dollar question.
Anyone gone through this and have some insight?
Stay and be close to family or roll the dice and move 8-10 hours away to give our children the best education/opportunities that Louisiana can’t provide.
Con: no immediate support from family in times of need (sick kids, weekend get-away baby sitters, help with travel for work, long way away in the event of emergencies and/or holidays). LSU season tickets are useless
Pro: better opportunities for family and kids, stronger bond in our immediate family unit. Prepare them to go farther in their education/careers that we did, set up the next generation for more success.
Do the pro’s out weigh the cons? That’s the million dollar question.
Anyone gone through this and have some insight?
This post was edited on 12/22/19 at 10:48 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:47 pm to TexasTiger08
Her family is in a place where there are airports. The entire world is close.
South Texas kinda meh. Big bend is nice but northwest Arkansas is better and has cheap flights to San Antone
South Texas kinda meh. Big bend is nice but northwest Arkansas is better and has cheap flights to San Antone
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:47 pm to yankeeundercover
I’m 33. Getting married in June. Kids in 3 years or so.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:49 pm to TexasTiger08
My siblings live 1100 miles away. My mom lives here part-time. It’s hard to maintain relationships with your nieces/nephews when you live far away, if that is important to you. I wish my baby could grow up closer to his/her cousins. My husband’s family is here, so we aren’t totally without family. But I miss mine a lot.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:52 pm to Evil Little Thing
quote:
My siblings live 1100 miles away. My mom lives here part-time. It’s hard to maintain relationships with your nieces/nephews when you live far away, if that is important to you. I wish my baby could grow up closer to his/her cousins. My husband’s family is here, so we aren’t totally without family. But I miss mine a lot.
It's absolutely not the same. My daughter got to grow up around most of her cousins, both of my parents and 2 great grandparents. That was pretty important to me and her now at this stage of life.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:53 pm to TexasTiger08
Someone else said it already, but technology has made the world even smaller than it was even 5-10 years ago... and someone also said already that if you feel “tied down” and/or “trapped”, then you’ll regret it and resent her for it.
My vote is go somewhere/anywhere and plan to come back once kids are legitimately in the picture.
That said, I’d be weary of marrying a girl who’s afraid to move away from her family, at least in “the 3-5 year plan” BEFORE kids are even involved.
Once kids get involved, your decisions will be made for you... whether you like it or not... and her decisions as well.
My vote is go somewhere/anywhere and plan to come back once kids are legitimately in the picture.
That said, I’d be weary of marrying a girl who’s afraid to move away from her family, at least in “the 3-5 year plan” BEFORE kids are even involved.
Once kids get involved, your decisions will be made for you... whether you like it or not... and her decisions as well.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:53 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:so you're really a fricking yankee?
I’d love to live in Washington, Colorado, and could probably feel damn good in Montana, the Midwest, etc.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:54 pm to Kafka
STFU with that shite, Kaf... 
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:57 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
I’m 33. Getting married in June. Kids in 3 years or so.
I was about 30 when I got the itch. Took a couple of years to convince the wife.
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