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Started By
Message
Pros/cons of uprooting and moving or staying close to family
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:07 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:07 pm
The SO and I are discussing some options for way down the line. I’m growing more and more tired of living in South Texas. It’s too fricking hot and I’m ready for a change of scenery. I want to be closer to cold-weather at some point. I’m open to anywhere I can find that, except as a teacher, I know my money will only go so far.
My future wife has expressed a desire to stay near family. Her family is all in San Antonio. I assume ‘near’ means North Texas is an option. I don’t think she is wanting to go out of state.
Obviously, there are hurdles to moving out of state. As a state employee, I’d need to figure out what to do with my retirement funds from Texas.
Am I an a-hole for thinking that choosing to live somewhere because your family is there is closed-minded? I have two older sisters who moved away and have multiple kids each. Anytime holidays approach, I’m always the one that has to go see them. They don’t make an effort to get down here. I see some similarities with her family as well.
My future wife has expressed a desire to stay near family. Her family is all in San Antonio. I assume ‘near’ means North Texas is an option. I don’t think she is wanting to go out of state.
Obviously, there are hurdles to moving out of state. As a state employee, I’d need to figure out what to do with my retirement funds from Texas.
Am I an a-hole for thinking that choosing to live somewhere because your family is there is closed-minded? I have two older sisters who moved away and have multiple kids each. Anytime holidays approach, I’m always the one that has to go see them. They don’t make an effort to get down here. I see some similarities with her family as well.
23
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:09 pm to TexasTiger08
Everybody dies, but not everyone lives. Always remember this.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:10 pm to TexasTiger08
Depends on the person I guess. Some people value being near family more than things like weather, terrain etc. Some don't and want to forge their own path somewhere else.
Some people don't like their family and can't wait to get away
Some people don't like their family and can't wait to get away
This post was edited on 12/22/19 at 10:11 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:11 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:Yes
Am I an a-hole for thinking that choosing to live somewhere because your family is there is closed-minded?
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:11 pm to fallguy_1978
Hill country would be a great option
This post was edited on 12/22/19 at 10:15 pm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:11 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
Am I an a-hole for thinking that choosing to live somewhere because your family is there is closed-minded?
Depends on how much you like your family.
quote:
I have two older sisters who moved away and have multiple kids each. Anytime holidays approach, I’m always the one that has to go see them. They don’t make an effort to get down here
Because they have kids and you’re single. Not that complicated.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:12 pm to TexasTiger08
New Braunfels, baw
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:13 pm to TexasTiger08
Con: You’re far away from your family.
Pro: You’re far away from your family.
Pro: You’re far away from your family.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:13 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:"White people live and die alone." -- old Chinese saying
Am I an a-hole for thinking that choosing to live somewhere because your family is there is closed-minded?
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:14 pm to TexasTiger08
Women usually have stronger bonds than men. They're usually the barrier to freedom.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:15 pm to TexasTiger08
I don't live near family and I sort of regret it.
My wife lives near some family and regrets it.
It all depends on your relationship to "family"
My wife lives near some family and regrets it.
It all depends on your relationship to "family"
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:17 pm to Paul Allen
quote:
I’ve always said be close enough to family where you can get in a car and drive to see them but far enough to where you’re not around the corner. Usually within an 8-10 hour drive is ideal.
It really depends on the person. My wife wanted nothing more than to leave Alabama when she was younger.
I was always a little indifferent about Louisiana. Oddly enough, she was the barrier to us moving 15 years ago when we had opportunities elsewhere because she was comfortable here.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:17 pm to Kafka
quote:the “media” has promoted this for a long, long time
"White people live and die alone." -- old Chinese saying
Hmmm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:18 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
Pros
quote:
moving from family
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:19 pm to GreatLakesTiger24
quote:?quote:the “media” has promoted this for a long, long time
"White people live and die alone." -- old Chinese saying
Hmmm
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:23 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
I’m open to anywhere I can find that, except as a teacher, I know my money will only go so far.
You say you’re open to anywhere, but that’s not really true. Where exactly are you setting your sights?
If you can be patient, I would make sure you have your masters and go for your national boards. Reciprocity is a bit nasty between some states, so don’t let yourself be limited by the ability to get certified in another state.
Also, do your homework when looking at particular states and how they treat their teachers. Some states don’t have a salary schedule based on experience and some have god awful insurance and benefits. Arizona comes to mind.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:26 pm to TexasTiger08
St. Louis would get you more of the weather you’re looking for and still not be TOO far away.
That said, how dependent/etc is your SO on her family? It’s easy to gauge... if you haven’t floated the idea by her then you should and take her temperature on the idea... if she flinches in the slightest, and you push for a move... she’ll resent you forever and if you don’t? You’ll resent her.
It’s probably too late by now, hindsight being what it is and everything, but this should have been discussed within the first few months of you guys connecting in the beginning.
God speed... but it seems like you’re likely damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
That said, how dependent/etc is your SO on her family? It’s easy to gauge... if you haven’t floated the idea by her then you should and take her temperature on the idea... if she flinches in the slightest, and you push for a move... she’ll resent you forever and if you don’t? You’ll resent her.
It’s probably too late by now, hindsight being what it is and everything, but this should have been discussed within the first few months of you guys connecting in the beginning.
God speed... but it seems like you’re likely damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:27 pm to TexasTiger08
Where in South Texas do you live? If you live in the RGV, DFW is only like 30 mins farther to San Antonio.
Unless you will need them to help raise your children, the world is a pretty small place now with Skype and similar technology.
You are not going to escape the heat of South Texas by moving to DFW, but you will get to experience something closer to actual seasons.
Unless you will need them to help raise your children, the world is a pretty small place now with Skype and similar technology.
You are not going to escape the heat of South Texas by moving to DFW, but you will get to experience something closer to actual seasons.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:28 pm to Golfer
quote:
Because they have kids and you’re single. Not that complicated
My point is, if you really love your family as much as you say, this isn’t an excuse. My sisters are like many people I know. They preach family values, but don’t reciprocate effort. I love them, but if putting kids in your car is too difficult to do when it comes to visiting family, that screams cop out.
I suppose this is why I wouldn’t mind moving elsewhere.
Posted on 12/22/19 at 10:28 pm to TexasTiger08
I'd tell you what I'd do, and what I did.
But I need to know your budget and level of callousness.
But I need to know your budget and level of callousness.
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