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Started By
Message
Proposal etiquette when SO isn't close with father
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:54 am
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:54 am
I don't intend on popping the question anytime soon. I don't even have a ring yet. But when I do I'm not sure how I should handle the part about asking her father for her hand at marriage.
My SO's dad cheated on her mom when she was younger, in her late middle school/early high school years. She hasn't had the same relationship with him since, but still chats with him from time to time. We've been together for close to a year and a half now and I've only seen her dad 3 times tops.
He seems like an alright guy when I've been around him but the relationship between them is definitely strained. Her sister came into some money recently from a lawsuit (he doesn't see her often either) and he asked for money. It's just an awkward situation. He and his girlfriend were invited to a party we had recently and despite knowing about it for a long time he bailed and did something else and my SO was pissed.
Meanwhile I get along great with her mom and step dad and though she may hate to refer to him as her step dad, he's a great guy and does a lot for her.
So, TLDR: Would you still approach the father about a proposal? Approach the mother about a proposal? Just say screw it and make them aware of the proposal without really asking "permission"?
INB4 don't be an idiot and get married
My SO's dad cheated on her mom when she was younger, in her late middle school/early high school years. She hasn't had the same relationship with him since, but still chats with him from time to time. We've been together for close to a year and a half now and I've only seen her dad 3 times tops.
He seems like an alright guy when I've been around him but the relationship between them is definitely strained. Her sister came into some money recently from a lawsuit (he doesn't see her often either) and he asked for money. It's just an awkward situation. He and his girlfriend were invited to a party we had recently and despite knowing about it for a long time he bailed and did something else and my SO was pissed.
Meanwhile I get along great with her mom and step dad and though she may hate to refer to him as her step dad, he's a great guy and does a lot for her.
So, TLDR: Would you still approach the father about a proposal? Approach the mother about a proposal? Just say screw it and make them aware of the proposal without really asking "permission"?
INB4 don't be an idiot and get married
48
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:56 am to dualed
Ask him anyway, but also ask whoever the dominant male in her life is.
Uncle, brother, grandfather, etc....
Uncle, brother, grandfather, etc....
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:56 am to dualed
Mrs. Gar doesn't have the world's greatest relationship with her dad. I asked what she wanted me to do and she said "get permission from my mother." So that's what I did.
ETA: obligatory.....PICS OF SO OR GTFO
ETA: obligatory.....PICS OF SO OR GTFO
This post was edited on 7/24/16 at 1:09 am
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:00 am to dualed
Gotta ask him. Although his approval or disapproval doesn't mean shite. It's the right thing to do.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:03 am to Breesus
quote:
Ask him anyway, but also ask whoever the dominant male in her life is. Uncle, brother, grandfathe
Your answer was in your first reply
That's what I did.. It satisfies everyone
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:03 am to dualed
You're probably fine either way based on info provided. If dad was quasi important I'd say ask him anyway even they weren't close to keep that open but if he's a deadbeat and they aren't close I probably wouldn't worry about it.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:03 am to dualed
You should fart in his face and tell him you PIIHB
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:04 am to dualed
Maybe "inform" the dad of your intent, and sit down with mom and step-dad and ask them jointly. Tough situation, but understand that the only opinion that matters is your SO's. As long as she's happy, the opinion of everyone else in the family doesn't make a shite.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:07 am to USMCTiger03
I am a super traditional guy who absolutely believes in asking the father BUT in the situation you described my answer differs. You are going to do it regardless of what he says so don't ask. Ask her, get the Yes and let her tell them. You will avoid a massively awkward situation with a dude who likely doesn't give a shite.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:07 am to dualed
PIIHB
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:10 am to dualed
Its 2016, you don't need anyone's permission to get married
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:12 am to jbgleason
I mean I wouldn't go as far as to say he wouldn't give a shite. He'll definitely be there and be a part of it. I've seen them interact in person and can tell he loves his kids dearly, he's just not the best role model I guess you could say.
We've been talking more and more recently about how we would want wedding stuff to go like planning and such whenever that time would come. Got on the subject of who gets invited to a rehearsal dinner and she mentions her parain. And I'm like why? That's just going to snowball into having to invite all sorts of people. And she says its because he already promised to pay a lot for her wedding and she knows her dad won't be able to contribute financially at all.
Perhaps I should just propose and let everything unfold from there. I understand the tradition and would like to take part in it, I just don't find my situation ideal.
We've been talking more and more recently about how we would want wedding stuff to go like planning and such whenever that time would come. Got on the subject of who gets invited to a rehearsal dinner and she mentions her parain. And I'm like why? That's just going to snowball into having to invite all sorts of people. And she says its because he already promised to pay a lot for her wedding and she knows her dad won't be able to contribute financially at all.
Perhaps I should just propose and let everything unfold from there. I understand the tradition and would like to take part in it, I just don't find my situation ideal.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:16 am to dualed
You don't need anyone's permission, But you have to live with everyone involved for a long time.
Ask dad, mom and stepdad because it makes them feel involved and important.
If anyone says no then marry her anyway.
Ask dad, mom and stepdad because it makes them feel involved and important.
If anyone says no then marry her anyway.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:18 am to dualed
quote:
don't be an idiot and get married
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:29 am to dualed
Ask the mom, let your woman Or both of y'all tell the biological dad if she wants. Definitely don't need to ask him if he isn't going to walk her down the aisle
This post was edited on 7/24/16 at 1:30 am
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:34 am to dualed
I think mother for sure. If step father really has been around for her and if she thinks of him as her 'father' then definitely him too.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:55 am to dualed
If you think it's important to your SO that you talk to him...yeah, gotta ask, but if she doesn't give a shite what he thinks, then just ask her mom and stepdad.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:57 am to dualed
Ask for his blessing, not his permission. He says no tell him to get f'd
Posted on 7/24/16 at 2:00 am to dualed
Also just wanted to say on congrats on getting the girl with daddy issues. I'll bet she's a freak in bed.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 2:09 am to dualed
Talk to both... Mother first in this instance
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