re: Pinstriped suits are for clowns

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Only if you're a mortician

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Or have a penis longer than your big toe

Pretty obvious that you don’t wear suits if horizontal and black are in your regular vernacular when talking about suits.

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Because you can’t read retard

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Says the guy who doesn't know the difference between horizontal and vertical

Says the guy who doesn't know the difference between a pinstripe suit and a zoot suit

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Be a man and wear solid black

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Solid black is for morticians, priests, and the maitre'd if you're not attending a black or white tie event.

That's a zoot suit. Different era, different style, different meaning. Don't get your panties in a wad over it.

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horizontal

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I will wear a suit that looks like a pigeon shite all over it if I want... Don't tell me what to fricking do.

Solid black suits were meant for funerals. Only in later years did they become a fashion go-to for cheesy people. Try again.

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Be a man and wear solid black or blue (or charcoal black if you are metrosexual)

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You're not a professional.