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Started By
Message
Parents with Alzheimers? Anyone here dealing with this?
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:34 am
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:34 am
Mom was recently diagnosed, is rapidly declining and has been fighting the diagnosis a bit even though it is obvious.She is also bi-polar/probable borderline personality disorder(just to add even more fun to the mix).
She had lived with sis for a few months but that blew up. Sibling took mum's money and hid it and refused to give it up or to give to mom or reveal where it was.
Mom has a decent bit of cash money and I had to go to court to get custody of it and POA over mom. Lawyer say i can pay myself $7500 a month as her 24/7 caretaker (which I will put into a trust fund to care for her that cannot be counted as as asset of hers)
I have her in a nursing home while we build a small house for her next to ours. her house will be "handi-cabable" with ramps, large shower, etc. Obviously this will not be easy as mom has always been independent and lived her life her own way.
Does anyone have any experience in dealing with caring for an Alz patient and how to keep them busy, happy, medicated, safe, etc.
Also, what good Drs are there in BR that deal with AZ patients?
She had lived with sis for a few months but that blew up. Sibling took mum's money and hid it and refused to give it up or to give to mom or reveal where it was.
Mom has a decent bit of cash money and I had to go to court to get custody of it and POA over mom. Lawyer say i can pay myself $7500 a month as her 24/7 caretaker (which I will put into a trust fund to care for her that cannot be counted as as asset of hers)
I have her in a nursing home while we build a small house for her next to ours. her house will be "handi-cabable" with ramps, large shower, etc. Obviously this will not be easy as mom has always been independent and lived her life her own way.
Does anyone have any experience in dealing with caring for an Alz patient and how to keep them busy, happy, medicated, safe, etc.
Also, what good Drs are there in BR that deal with AZ patients?
31
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:36 am to gingerkittie
quote:
Does anyone have any experience in dealing with caring for an Alz patient and how to keep them busy, happy, medicated, safe, etc
I think they basically just give the patients ecstasy nowawdays. No joke.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:37 am to gingerkittie
If you are going to bring her home, you will need to employ around the clock care for her. This is a huge undertaking.
I helped care for my grandmother as it this disease slowly took her life over the course of 2 1/2 years. It is not easy.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is going to be very tough on her and you.
I helped care for my grandmother as it this disease slowly took her life over the course of 2 1/2 years. It is not easy.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is going to be very tough on her and you.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:37 am to gingerkittie
My grandpa had Alzheimers.
When I was 16, I found him wandering naked down a busy street. No 16 year old should have to see his grandpa like that.
We eventually had to put my grandpa in a specialized unit in a nursing home because he became too much for my grandma and mom to handle. One of the sweetest men had I had ever known had become violent towards my grandmother.
It's a truly horrible disease.
When I was 16, I found him wandering naked down a busy street. No 16 year old should have to see his grandpa like that.
We eventually had to put my grandpa in a specialized unit in a nursing home because he became too much for my grandma and mom to handle. One of the sweetest men had I had ever known had become violent towards my grandmother.
It's a truly horrible disease.
This post was edited on 4/12/16 at 10:38 am
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:39 am to gingerkittie
quote:
I have her in a nursing home while we build a small house for her next to ours. her house will be "handi-cabable" with ramps, large shower, etc. Obviously this will not be easy as mom has always been independent and lived her life her own way.
I know it's tough, but she's probably better off in the nursing. I know they aren't the best sittuation, but sooner than later she will lose all independent function. She won't be able to feed herself, bathe herself, go to the bathroom herself.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:40 am to gingerkittie
A good place to start: LINK
Unfortunately, you can expect continued gradual decline in her functioning and self-care skills over time, so be prepared to provide her with more assistance as she declines further, while also trying to let her be as independent as she safely can be. I can't give you any specific recs as I don't know her current level of functioning and test results, but I can try to give you some general info.
Unfortunately, you can expect continued gradual decline in her functioning and self-care skills over time, so be prepared to provide her with more assistance as she declines further, while also trying to let her be as independent as she safely can be. I can't give you any specific recs as I don't know her current level of functioning and test results, but I can try to give you some general info.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:41 am to gingerkittie
My grandma had it, it's a terrible disease.
You will only be able to care for her so long and lead a normal life. It will eventually become a full time job. A nursing home or an Alzheimer's facility will be the best options.
You will only be able to care for her so long and lead a normal life. It will eventually become a full time job. A nursing home or an Alzheimer's facility will be the best options.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:42 am to Salmon
quote:
We eventually had to put my grandpa in a specialized unit in a nursing home because he became too much for my grandma and mom to handle. One of the sweetest men had I had ever known had become violent towards my grandmother.
This is almost exactly what happened to my grandfather. It is a terrible, terrible disease.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:46 am to gingerkittie
I wouldn't build house for her. She will need absolute care and you will not be able to provide it and keep a normal life. A specialty nursing home is the best bet. I watched my mom absolutely suffer while caring for my grandmother. It's much worse than you will expect. Best of luck.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:48 am to dukesilver72
He should look into a place with transitional care options. She can start off in the area where minimal assistance is required but then will not have to change places when she has the need for more full-time nursing care.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 10:56 am to gingerkittie
What is your mom's age?
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:02 am to gingerkittie
quote:
Lawyer say i can pay myself $7500 a month as her 24/7 caretaker (which I will put into a trust fund to care for her that cannot be counted as as asset of hers)
I am not syre this is accurate.
quote:
I have her in a nursing home while we build a small house for her next to ours. her house will be "handi-cabable" with ramps, large shower, etc.
If she is relatively young, the disease will progress much quicker. This may not be a good idea (the house).
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:13 am to PsychTiger
My 75 yr old MIL has Alzheimers (diagnosed 3 yrs ago) as my wife and SIL tried the in-home personal care as it was to emotional, stressful, and taxing on them. It's like a 24/7 ball and chain that you can never get away from. Wife and SIL were basically a CNA to their mother as they had to change her clothes & underwear, replace bed sheets, bathe and dress my MIL.
My wife and SIL finally hired a 24 hour sitter as the money my MIL once had is slowly running out. To make matters worse, my FIL also has the same ugly disease as he lives in a nursing home and has no clue who he or his children are. His condition is very bad as we know it's only a matter of time before both my in-laws are called to heaven.
I'm there for my wife and give her as much freedom and support as she needs during this troubling time. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone.
My wife and SIL finally hired a 24 hour sitter as the money my MIL once had is slowly running out. To make matters worse, my FIL also has the same ugly disease as he lives in a nursing home and has no clue who he or his children are. His condition is very bad as we know it's only a matter of time before both my in-laws are called to heaven.
I'm there for my wife and give her as much freedom and support as she needs during this troubling time. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:16 am to gingerkittie
If your mother is anything like mine was this will turn into a nightmare for your family. If she is very early stage it may seem like you can handle it, but it will overwhelm you. It may seem cruel, but a dementia capable facility is the best way to go if you can afford it. It ruined my marriage trying to handle myself.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:19 am to LSUSoulja08
look into a "tiny house". its a brand of mobile home that is a prefab actual house, but on wheels. company in Arizona. they deliver of course.
they run about $35K with kitchen appliances.
very nice one bedroom houses. decent kitchen, open to the living room which is not really small.
they are on wheels.
that way when she dies, you are not stuck looking at the little house forever.
It would bug me.
I have a relative with the same list of issues (introverted to the point of nearly autism, and the "borderline" psychological issues you suggested), and is now losing memory.
Not bad enough to force the issue. last month we looked at places to put her.
$6,000 a frigging month. highway robbery.
I am going to put a little house next to mine. as i suggested for you.
they run about $35K with kitchen appliances.
very nice one bedroom houses. decent kitchen, open to the living room which is not really small.
they are on wheels.
that way when she dies, you are not stuck looking at the little house forever.
It would bug me.
I have a relative with the same list of issues (introverted to the point of nearly autism, and the "borderline" psychological issues you suggested), and is now losing memory.
Not bad enough to force the issue. last month we looked at places to put her.
$6,000 a frigging month. highway robbery.
I am going to put a little house next to mine. as i suggested for you.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:23 am to gingerkittie
I agree with others that building her a house, however handicapable, is a bad idea in the long run. She WILL lose her ability to live independently and will over time require much more physical care.
If you don't want to leave her in a nursing home, a better option would be to move her into your own home, but be prepared to alter your home as needed. ( We basically had childproof everything, which was easier for us since we had small children and could use them as the excuse for why there were no knobs on the stove, etc.)
Also know that she will eventually need help bathing, etc., and if she becomes bedridden, you will probably not be physically capable of caring for her yourself, no matter how strong you are. You will probably need some home health care--nurses, aides, sitters, whatever. And it will be exhausting--physically and mentally--to care for her at home.
My stepfather was on Aricept for years, which seemed to slow the progression of the disease for him. He was also on Halydol (?) to help with mood swings. He attended adult daycare most weekdays, so that helped also. Any changes in routine (like when my mother was hospitalized) made things worse for him. We were fortunate that the Alzheimer's never left him completely incapacitated, as he died from a heart attack before that happened.
ETA: If you're relying on your mom's opinion that your sister stole her money, be aware that many patients have unfounded paranoia and suspicions regarding those around them and sis may be innocent in this.
If you don't want to leave her in a nursing home, a better option would be to move her into your own home, but be prepared to alter your home as needed. ( We basically had childproof everything, which was easier for us since we had small children and could use them as the excuse for why there were no knobs on the stove, etc.)
Also know that she will eventually need help bathing, etc., and if she becomes bedridden, you will probably not be physically capable of caring for her yourself, no matter how strong you are. You will probably need some home health care--nurses, aides, sitters, whatever. And it will be exhausting--physically and mentally--to care for her at home.
My stepfather was on Aricept for years, which seemed to slow the progression of the disease for him. He was also on Halydol (?) to help with mood swings. He attended adult daycare most weekdays, so that helped also. Any changes in routine (like when my mother was hospitalized) made things worse for him. We were fortunate that the Alzheimer's never left him completely incapacitated, as he died from a heart attack before that happened.
ETA: If you're relying on your mom's opinion that your sister stole her money, be aware that many patients have unfounded paranoia and suspicions regarding those around them and sis may be innocent in this.
This post was edited on 4/12/16 at 11:38 am
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:23 am to gingerkittie
My mother had it. Father took care of her for years, even after she could no longer walk. If finally got to the point where he didn't have the strength to do it any more and had to put her in a home. It was a nice one with a private room and he was there with her every day. He passed away 3 months after putting her in there and she lived another two years. Horrible disease I wouldn't wish on anyone. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and all the strength you'll need to cope.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 11:35 am to gingerkittie
quote:
gingerkittie
I used to be responsible for multi-unit retirement communities, including Alzheimer's.
Where is your mom located?
Posted on 4/12/16 at 12:03 pm to Salmon
quote:
It's a truly horrible disease.
Grandma slowly died from it 15 years ago.
Its the worst disease there is.
Prayers sent to the OP.
Posted on 4/12/16 at 12:13 pm to ThatMakesSense
quote:
I think they basically just give the patients ecstasy nowawdays. No joke.
There are also patients that are given certain strains and types of marijuana. It helps with the tremors, lack of appetite and the unhappiness. I was surprised to hear that MJ was give to alz patients.
Thanks for all of the other replies, I will try to answer the questions. She is is a skilled nursing home now but has enough awareness to want to be home. We know she will likely only be with us about 6 months to a year before she returns to the facility she is now (it is a top notch place run by my husband's family). But for now she wants to be home, knowing that her eventual fate is at the nursing home.
I do not work so i can be with her 24/7 and can sleep in her little house with her. It will have no stove, will have handrails and be equipped for her needs. I spent the last 3 years of my grams life being her 24/7 caretaker so i do know a lot of what it entails as care goes. When she is forgetful or delusional, i just roll with it or distract her.
I do her daily care, hygiene stuff and all that. I did that with my gram as well.
In the end I was glad to be able to have that time with my gram. We became closer during that time 9although she had no dementia or alz. As a daughter whose dad had alz, my mom knows she will end up at the nursing home but for now she wants to be here, I can hire care if needed and i want her to be happy.
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