re: Nursing homes are so depressing

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We lost the natural human condition of multigenerational dwellings.

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In the old days there were no BP meds, no bypass surgeries, no chemo. You got one of those major illnesses and you died. Those multigenerational living situations were only likely to last a year or two, maybe three. Nowadays it's not unusual for people in their sixties and seventies to have parents still living in their eighties and nineties. That's not a bad thing, but it presents a dilemma when grandma can't live alone anymore and has ten or fifteen more years of life expectancy.

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know euthanasia, assisted suicide, aid in dying, etc. is a fraught subject. Slippery slope and all that. I also know keeping people alive because we don't know what else to do with them is barbaric and a form of torture. I don't know the answer but warehousing people, sometimes for years, after their minds and bodies are completely gone isn't it.

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I do think euthanasia should be option for anyone that's at the end of their life.

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That sounds good until you live through it. You assume that the in home care people can coordinate 24 hr schedules. They can’t. You assume they’re all competent nurses and others working for these care at home services. They’re not. You assume your loved one is in their right mind and understands they need somebody there. They don’t. My wife went through this with her dad who had a terminal cancer diagnosis. It was a shitshow and damn near ruined her and her sister trying to keep dad at home as long as they could.

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All of this is true.


We kept my dad at his home for the last 6 months or so of his life. He had congestive heart failure and it was a daily balancing act of food, medication, hydration, etc to keep him alive. An impossible task in a hospital setting much less a home without 24hr medical attention.

I was working in the family business which afforded me the opportunity to be his primary care giver 4 days a week while my stepmother went to work. It was one of the most rewarding and most depressing things I’ve ever done. It would be hard for me to recommend it, but feel comfortable that it’s better than the alternative.

Funny story. Dad was lacking oxygen due to his heart. We had him on a tank. Anyway, it must have been low one day. He was frail as you might imagine a nearly 80yr old dying man would be. This day, he sat up out of his wheelchair, grabbed me by the back of the neck with every bit of remaining old man strength he had left, and said “You’d better tell me WTF is going on here or I’m gonna kill you!” The old man strength faded quickly, thankfully. I sat him back down and went about my evening.

I’ve never been back in that house again and never will.

I can’t wait to get to the nursing home. Just sit around watching tv all day and rambling nonsense at the nurse? Sign me up. Better than this shite here

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. It seems that many of the people living there get no visitors

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My MIL used to take my young kids to see their great grandmother when she was in assisted living all to time. All the other old folks would love it when they came. Would give them candy and all kinds of stuff.

Like you said, they probably didn’t get many visitors and never got to see young people.

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can’t wait to get to the nursing home. Just sit around watching tv all day and rambling nonsense at the nurse? Sign me up. Better than this shite here

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I could do me some assisted living like in Landman but unfortunately that's make believe.

They are depressing, but it was a good move for my grandmother. She was a big outgoing personality and sitting in a recliner at home all day barely able to get to the kitchen or bathroom on her own was no way to live. She enjoyed being around more people, even if some of them pissed her off. She threatened to beat the hell out of this one lady down the hall multiple times, to her face.

There are good ones for sure. For social people it’s a good option

Went to St James a couple weeks ago and it was very nice. Another one on Siegen seemed pretty good too.

The depressing thing is when their family just quarantines them there until they die

My grandpaws died in their homes surrounded by family which seems ideal. But that is pretty rare I guess.

How long were your parents in nursing homes Jim?

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Let people go out on their own terms if they want it.

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What is stopping them?

The law is against assisting them. They are free to kill themselves, and many do just that.

Sorry they passed Jim. Truly.

Nursing homes, even the nicest, are strange because there is a true mix of folks who want to be there and others who are mad and confused as shite why they’re there

It’s a weird deal. My parents did everything in their power to keep my two grandmas at home. One ended up wanting to go to a nursing home and is living her dream. The other is absolutely struggling at her house and has to have home health visit her basically every day.

End of life is so difficult. They basically become children again. You mentioned that a few decades ago they’d already be dead. Sometimes I wonder if that’s for the best.