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re: Nursing homes are so depressing
Posted on 5/30/26 at 2:06 pm to Jim Rockford
Posted on 5/30/26 at 2:06 pm to Jim Rockford
Something like 90% of all the healthcare you consume in the US happens in the last 5 years of your life.
Doesn’t matter how old you are when you die.
Our end of life care is the predominant driver of health care costs. I bought into the death panel talking point in my younger years
After watching a few grandparents and a parent now go through a never ending cycle of care, rehab, care, rehab to keep alive a person whose body and/or mind had expired has changed my mind on this.
A more mature conversation on end of life care is desperately needed.
Doesn’t matter how old you are when you die.
Our end of life care is the predominant driver of health care costs. I bought into the death panel talking point in my younger years
After watching a few grandparents and a parent now go through a never ending cycle of care, rehab, care, rehab to keep alive a person whose body and/or mind had expired has changed my mind on this.
A more mature conversation on end of life care is desperately needed.
2
Posted on 5/30/26 at 5:45 pm to ned nederlander
quote:
I bought into the death panel talking point in my younger years
the "death panel" narrative was promoted and paid for by the healthcare industry.
Posted on 5/30/26 at 5:53 pm to ned nederlander
quote:I heard 75% for the last 6 months
Something like 90% of all the healthcare you consume in the US happens in the last 5 years of your life.
Posted on 5/30/26 at 5:55 pm to soccerfüt
quote:Judging from this thread, my experience was one of the "better" ones
Sorry about your experience with your Mom
My mother was fairly lucid and mostly free of serious pain until the last few days, when she had to be doped up on painkillers. She was pretty much out of it after that.
Drs thought she would die the night she entered the hospital, but she hung on for 2 months. At one point in her hospital bed she made a joke at my expense. As you can imagine I don't like to be topped, but her being with it enough to jokingly dis me will always remain a nice memory -- even though I don't remember what the joke itself was!
So I guess I shouldn't complain too much -- I seem to have gotten off easier than many people here,
Posted on 5/30/26 at 5:56 pm to Burt Reynolds
quote:Myself and my older brother did this (both of us are retired military who live out of state). My other two siblings (who were still in the Baton Rouge area) did not help in a meaningful way. I agree with your sentiment but it is not nearly as easy as you would hope. Still glad that we were able to be there until the very end.
take care of them in their own home
Posted on 5/30/26 at 6:14 pm to Red Stick Tigress
"Nursing homes are awful"
While they are and get a bad rap, they are a necessity.
Alot of times things happen all of a sudden (strokes, heart attacks, aneurysm) and lands these folks in a place like that.
While they are and get a bad rap, they are a necessity.
Alot of times things happen all of a sudden (strokes, heart attacks, aneurysm) and lands these folks in a place like that.
Posted on 5/30/26 at 6:39 pm to CaptainsWafer
quote:
FIL just basically gave up after my MIL passed and he just wasted away in his chair as he had no desire to do anything for years after
saw my MIL do the same when her husband passed away
she 100% quit living once he passed
she was so lazy she would smoke right in her recliner all day while doing nothing else but use the bathroom..her house smelled like an ash tray
she would go a week without taking a shower
she barely ate, probaly weighed 80 lbs just bones
it was like this for 6 years
she would have rather died and be with her husband than to live and watch her grandchildren grow up
i hated having my children see her in this state because they were too young remember what she was like before their grandfather passed
This post was edited on 5/30/26 at 6:40 pm
Posted on 5/30/26 at 7:06 pm to Jim Rockford
My mom was in a standard nursing home for about a month and I believe God intervened and got her moved to a special care home that has her own wing that deals with dementia. She drastically improved and is having the best time. She even plays the piano out of the songbook. This is last week when they broke out the water slide.
I wish these kinds of places for everyone.
I wish these kinds of places for everyone.
Posted on 5/30/26 at 7:12 pm to Jim Rockford
Terrible place to end your life
Often alone and mistreated
Often alone and mistreated
Posted on 5/30/26 at 9:31 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:
That sounds good until you live through it. You assume that the in home care people can coordinate 24 hr schedules. They can’t. You assume they’re all competent nurses and others working for these care at home services. They’re not. You assume your loved one is in their right mind and understands they need somebody there. They don’t. My wife went through this with her dad who had a terminal cancer diagnosis. It was a shitshow and damn near ruined her and her sister trying to keep dad at home as long as they could
This is spot-on.
Posted on 5/30/26 at 10:30 pm to Deplorableinohio
quote:this probably sounded more profound in your head
Everyone dies alone
Posted on 5/30/26 at 10:39 pm to Jim Rockford
If I ever have a choice I will not put anyone in a nursing home. They sacrificed alot to take care of me and I be damned if I would let my mom rot in a nursing home. frick.that shite
Posted on 5/31/26 at 12:39 am to FrontlineTiger
quote:
Alot of times things happen all of a sudden (strokes, heart attacks, aneurysm) and lands these folks in a place like that.
I had an M.D. and a Ph.D. overseeing my caretaking of my parents.
Parents were never going to a nursing home.
Had something happened, Sisterwitch and Brotherdick would have used their connections to hospice and drug them just like what they ended up doing 6 and 6.5 years ago.
I did tell her that she killed my father. Got denials but that much morphine every 3 hours (2.5 mg.) slows down breathing considerably.
She might as well have put a pillow over his/her face.
This post was edited on 5/31/26 at 12:45 am
Posted on 5/31/26 at 7:26 am to Turnblad85
quote:
the "death panel" narrative was promoted and paid for by the healthcare industry.
Exactly, had nothing to do with quality of life. Only about profit.
Panel no, individual decision on when, totally support.
Posted on 5/31/26 at 7:44 am to Pisco
Just curious. Where exactly is that?
Posted on 5/31/26 at 9:14 pm to Burt Reynolds
quote:
People who let their parents go to nursing homes and not take care of them in their own home are pieces of shite imo
Nah! You are assuming that the children are capable, physically and mentally to take care of them.
My 94 yr old Mother-in-law weighed 200 lbs and was a stubborn and independent. soul. You could never trust her to behave. Each time she fell we had to call the rescue squad.
Many families are not equipped to care for Alzheimer patients.
My Dad, who had Alzheimer, was in his bedroom trying to start a fire with dollar Bills. What is a 90 year old wife to do?
Posted on 5/31/26 at 9:16 pm to Jim Rockford
Just put a bullet in me
Posted on 5/31/26 at 9:22 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
I also know keeping people alive because we don't know what else to do with them is barbaric and a form of torture. I don't know the answer but warehousing people, sometimes for years, after their minds and bodies are completely gone isn't it.
I disagree. We don’t have the right to decide when we’re going to die, and we absolutely don’t want anyone else making that decision for us. I will never be in favor of other people deciding when it’s time for me to die and when to pull the plug on my life.
It’s just part of life man, and it has been for many, many millennia. People get old and die when the Lord decides it’s time. We don’t get to play God and decide that. We also don’t want someone else playing God and injecting us with something to kill us or smothering us with a pillow when they decide it’s time. It’s a very slippery slope as you mentioned earlier in your post.
This post was edited on 5/31/26 at 9:25 pm
Posted on 5/31/26 at 9:30 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
Most people rarely left their rooms.
Every time I left there I felt like I was walking out of a prison. which was kept locked for obvious reasons.\
There is a reason for this. I spent a weekend in lockup (hospital) recently, and wanted nothing more than to walk around and see, I don't know, I-10, because at least it was interesting. But if I unhooked myself from the EKG and pulse Ox monitor, there'd be a nurse wandering around looking for me. Eventually, they got the message that I didn't need help to take a leak, but they were the ones that confined me to the room.
With old people, they get put on blood thinners, and are told not to get out of bed without calling a nurse because of the fall potential, and then, according to my nurse sister, start apparently trying to parkour around their rooms. There are memes.
More people need DNRs in the US. Dr. Drew mentioned this years ago in an Adam and Drew podcast, but it was essentially that when men check into a nursing home (not hospice) they rarely last more than six months, women last a little longer, but it's a declaration of surrender. It's hotel California.
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