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re: Need a little encouragement. I have a difficult young son.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:09 am to DiamondDog
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:09 am to DiamondDog
quote:
I try to speak with him and reason but it's like his mind is all over the place.
A 3 year old is absolutely incapable of reasoning with you. Stop wasting your breath here. And I'm not sure why people call it the terrible twos, because three is where it goes off the rails. If you have a "strong-willed" child, this is the year he will test boundaries, challenge authority, and attempt to exert dominance over you. You must be the boss. Your will must be stronger than his at all times.
Before going the nuclear route of having him evaluated, you and your wife need to be completely honest with yourselves about whether your discipline plan is solid. This sounds like a kid who needs a strict schedule and parents who demand it be followed. I'm not saying it's not autism, but let's just say if you're looking for a label, you'll get one. Either way, training him is going to look the same.
Follow the eat-play-sleep pattern. This looks like dinner at 5:30-6:00, run around outside for 30 minutes after, bath, then story, then night night by 7:00. If he cries and screams, let him sleep on the floor. Kiss him good night and walk out of the room. If he leaves the room, walk him back in, don't talk to him, and just kiss him goodnight again. When we were training our daughter from a crib to a bed, we had to camp out on the couch in the living room for a few hours just to walk her back to her bed when she left her room. This took exactly one night. She probably tried it 20 times lol.
You also need to reevaluate your daycare. This is a kid whose day needs to be run like the U.S. Army is in charge. Him taking his clothes off needs to be addressed at the daycare immediately when it happens. He's not old enough to punish him when he gets home. His brain is not developed enough to connect the two events. Training young kids is essentially the same as puppy training. Immediate reaction from alpha dog, whatever that looks like to your family. Not joking.
And good luck to y'all. Having young kids like that is so so so tiring. You're putting one foot in front of the other just to survive!
3
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:25 am to HouseMom
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:34 am to DiamondDog
Prayers sent for you, your wife, and son. Having him evaluated may be a great idea.
Try to keep things simple. Remember you need to be playing 'the long' game. Take the tiny victories until things are sorted out. If a social worker, doctor, etc., don't provide better insight, it is time for discipline to be applied. Again, prayers sent. Take care.
Try to keep things simple. Remember you need to be playing 'the long' game. Take the tiny victories until things are sorted out. If a social worker, doctor, etc., don't provide better insight, it is time for discipline to be applied. Again, prayers sent. Take care.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:39 am to DiamondDog
Have you had him blessed by a priest? Sounds like a demon.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:49 am to saderade
quote:
You don’t beat a 3 year old that is having severe behavioral issues.
No clearly he doesn’t beat the 3 yr old. Hence the behavioral issues.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 8:53 am to DiamondDog
If at 4' and 45 #s he's a problem for you, you're in serious trouble.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 9:03 am to DiamondDog
Like others said have him evaluated and pursue multiple levels of evaluations if needed. Don't settle with a single eval.
When our son was 4 we realized that he would ignore questions or be checked out when talking to him, and he would lash out. Did evaluations and after several months was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder. Travelled to BR once a week for sessions for almost a year. All good now.
Then the teachers were voicing their concerns about his abilities and performance. Went to see a child psychologist. From his recommendations to the school, they did some accommodations. Much Much better now and does above average in school.
I have a cousin who had a bad behavioral problem as a child. Parents refused evaluations, therapy, and even medication. Instead they thought praying about it in church would solve the problem. Kid grows up with bad behaviors and horrible actions, and is now a lost cause. It's so bad.
Act now. Remember that you are seeing the symptoms. The goal is to identify the root cause.
When our son was 4 we realized that he would ignore questions or be checked out when talking to him, and he would lash out. Did evaluations and after several months was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder. Travelled to BR once a week for sessions for almost a year. All good now.
Then the teachers were voicing their concerns about his abilities and performance. Went to see a child psychologist. From his recommendations to the school, they did some accommodations. Much Much better now and does above average in school.
I have a cousin who had a bad behavioral problem as a child. Parents refused evaluations, therapy, and even medication. Instead they thought praying about it in church would solve the problem. Kid grows up with bad behaviors and horrible actions, and is now a lost cause. It's so bad.
Act now. Remember that you are seeing the symptoms. The goal is to identify the root cause.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 9:08 am to DiamondDog
I’m sure Parenting the Difficult Child has been recommended to you as a good read. Continue to work with his pediatrician and with your spouse to set some clear boundaries but make sure they are ones that are important. Try to find ways to have him “win” while you get what you want from him. Be careful not to fall into the trap of constant negative feedback. And, yes, you can whip his arse when he crosses the firm boundaries but, as I said before, make those boundaries count.
Most difficult children want to feel in control so try to give him 2 choices that you are good with and let him decide. Remember that the traits that frustrate you so much can also serve him well later in life.
Most difficult children want to feel in control so try to give him 2 choices that you are good with and let him decide. Remember that the traits that frustrate you so much can also serve him well later in life.
This post was edited on 2/16/25 at 9:10 am
Posted on 2/16/25 at 9:14 am to HouseMom
quote:
HouseMom
Listen to her
Posted on 2/16/25 at 9:16 am to LSUGrrrl
We found shock collars from PetSmart work well for toddler training.
But don’t make the same mistake we made. Take them off before going to the Olive Garden.
But don’t make the same mistake we made. Take them off before going to the Olive Garden.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 9:18 am to Bullfrog
quote:
But don’t make the same mistake we made. Take them off before going to the Olive Garden.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 9:31 am to DiamondDog
quote:
He can't be reasoned with at times
quote:There has been some really good advice so far, especially with counseling for the child and especially the parents.
I try to speak with him and reason but it's like his mind is all over the place
But you can’t reason with a 3-year old. They need structure and discipline so they learn how to act. I’m not even talking about spanking (I’m not against it).
If he throws a fit because he doesn’t get what he wants, pick him up and leave the place you’re at. Yeah it sucks, but this will help in the long run. If he’s kicking and screaming, so be it. Pick that kid up and leave. Don’t try to reason with him by saying, “if you don’t stop, we’re leaving.” Just go no matter where you are (store, restaurant, friend’s house, etc.). He’ll learn his behavior is unacceptable. If it’s a fit at the house, put him in his bed, no electronics in the room, and leave him there for a while. Over time, his behavior will improve.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 10:48 am to DiamondDog
It’s parasites. Your child needs food grade diatomaceous earth and activated charcoal daily. The protocol is in the FB group for DE
Posted on 2/16/25 at 10:55 am to DiamondDog
Everyone advocating spanking OP's son has obviously never parented an autistic child.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 11:09 am to HouseMom
quote:
He's not old enough to punish him when he gets home. His brain is not developed enough to connect the two events. Training young kids is essentially the same as puppy training.
This is so spot on. Kids are on full Id until at least 5-6. Some even longer. They don’t know “why” behavior is wrong, they only know consequences.
Also, get rid of devices. This kid is overstimulated. I’m sure that’s been brought up though.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 11:10 am to KajunLass
quote:My nephew is autistic as they come. He behaved at our house as a kid. Want to know the difference?
Everyone advocating spanking OP's son has obviously never parented an autistic child.
No iPads and spankings.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 11:13 am to DiamondDog
The fact you’re trying to reason with a 3 year old is most likely a major contributing factor.
He’s 3. He does what he’s told or his arse gets lit up.
He’s 3. He does what he’s told or his arse gets lit up.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 11:17 am to DiamondDog
How many other kids do you have and their ages? It's not uncommon for kids to have an adjustment period if you have a new baby.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 11:19 am to DiamondDog
This sounds extreme. Hell I ran away from school for six years. And if arse whippings worked I’d have quit after day 2. A couple weeks talking to a therapist in 5th grade basically stopped it. I am not smart enough to know why it worked, hell I skipped elementary school, but it worked. I’d get to a behavioral expert if you are out of options. May give you some unbiased insight.
Posted on 2/16/25 at 11:19 am to UptownJoeBrown
quote:
Well it was the answer for thousands of years and continues to be
For thousands of years we had a violent tumultuous society where kids with legit mental problems were beaten and then simply sent to the loony bin or left to die on their own 
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