re: Need a little encouragement. I have a difficult young son.

The OT never disappoints… 90% of the posts have been from expert parents telling this guy he does not know what he’s doing or that he’s a pussy. I am all about spanking. My children cause me rage that can only be topped by my wife. When I was in middle school, my Dad actually spoke with my shop teacher and had me cut a paddle out of a 1x4 in front of my friends to bring home to get spanked with later that day.

This dude could be the best parent on Earth and that might not matter. All kids are different. I have a six and three year old and their brains couldn’t work more differently. Both very intelligent.

The terms autism and “on the spectrum” have become such general terms these days that they don’t really mean anything at this point. Having ADHD these days means you’re both autistic and on the spectrum.

I used to be somewhat similar to many of these posters. “Medicating your kid means you’re a lazy parent.” I ended up with personal experience that changed my opinion. I made a 34 for the English section of the ACT in high school, but I can’t read a book if my life depended on it. I can read a how to book (for example, I passed both the Louisiana commercial contractor and electrician exams just from studying and I wanted the licenses) but to this day I can’t read a novel. I have to read every page three times and still won’t always remember what I just read. I have two college degrees. First one I completed with around a 3.0 GPA. Someone recommended talking to my doctor about adderall while in college and I completed the second degree one B from a 4.0.

My six year old’s brain is very similar to mine. We can only really focus on what we WANT to focus on. Otherwise, spanking will only help each time there are issues. For example, he will do what I want after spanking only because he doesn’t want to get spanked again. Tomorrow we would be right back to the same situation every single time. That’s how he was from 2-4. Daily spanking and yelling just to get him to choose between fricken chicken nuggets or a hamburger happy meal from McDonald’s.

Last year, as a four year old (he turned five a month in) he started PreK-4 at a Catholic school here in BR after years of daycare. At the first parent-teacher conference, his teacher’s probably first sentence out of her mouth was he needed to be on ADHD medicine. I thought it was wild that a PreK teacher was telling us to medicate our kid. At this point, I’ve taken adderall for 20 years and was worried it would affect his personality. Our pediatrician was confident it wouldn’t and we started it.

He’s super smart. He’s getting good at sports. He might actually have been larger at three than the OP’s kid. Still 99th percentile for height and weight. His kindergarten teacher this year will literally call us to bring his medication, if we forgot. She can tell every single time. You literally can’t have a conversation about schoolwork with him. No amount of spanking would fix his situation for more than 15 minutes. It’s just how his brain is wired. We’re all different. He has zero social issues, because he WANTS to play with his friends and he’s popular. He has a lot of friends. I tell people all the time he can’t quit the medication until he’s 18. I don’t want him to be the shithead kid in the class. I want him to be awesome.

And for the posters that said medicating kids is the pussification of society, I have zero doubts that my medicated six year old would kick your six year old’s arse. Neither he nor I take any medication other then to help focus. The actual way to be a good parent is to do whatever necessary for your kid to have a great life. Don’t listen to most of these idiots.

Wooden spoon, switch off tree in backyard , good old fashioned belt worked on me.

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First look at what you are feeding him. Cut as many food with artificial dyes as you can. When she first told me she was doing this I didn’t think it would make a difference but it definitely made a noticeable difference.

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Came here say this check his diet. I can noticeably tell when my 6 year old eats colored shite at my moms. My son would rather eat a box of strawberries and blueberries with yogurt but parents think he has to have a kids treat every time he goes over there. Bad does are in every single kids food today and they don’t look at packages like we do.

Check packages for dyes and eliminate those foods. We found certain foods would make him act out of the ordinary when he was that age and found red was the main culprit.

Has he been vaccinated, that may have caused this, not an expert but try detoxing from the heavy metals. Also pay attention to what you are feeding him.

Have him evaluated yesterday. He probably has severe anxiety and needs a mild calming medicine. He is most likely Asperger’s.

FWIW, I have enough medical knowledge to know he's in the age range where autism spectrum clues begin to emerge. He should see a specialist, and therapy may help him if started early enough.

I was beaten by my parents growing up, and that isn't the answer. I resented my dad for years growing up because of it and almost stopped talking to him completely.

You are a contractor with 2 degrees?

Don't put him on drugs if you can help it. Find any other way. He's 3, so a lot of this will fall away. Not all of it of course. As much as the OT will vagina bleed over this, go to a Catholic counselor, or at least a faith based one. They typically put meds at the bottom of the list of solutions. Best of luck and prayers sent to you and your wife. I know it's hard.

Kids are tough. It sounds like you are dealing with a 3 year old boy. The good news is they often turn into very different 6 year old boys.

Emotional regulation is really hard at this age. Occupational therapists do some neat things where they will get your kid as riled up as possible and then work on calming down from that peak. Your pediatrician can refer you to a social worker, and a social worker (if they are decent) can be really helpful at navigating what services exist.

Emily Oster is a good parenting source. She is an economist who applies big data to parenting. The conclusion you’ll often find from her is a lot of other kids also do this, and your kid’s behavior is more normal than you might think.

Some things we did with our hardest that helped.

1. Really, really focus on the good behavior when he is calm. Call it out to him, however small.

2. Get him more exercise and an earlier bedtime. We shifted a bedtime up an hour and it made a big difference.

3. We simply stopped doing as many evening activities until they were past 5 years old and less feral. Some kids just need more time to learn their head from their arse. Your kid is 3. Protect him from being put in situations that will end poorly for everyone.