re: Need a little encouragement. I have a difficult young son.

I’m late to this and ain’t wading thru 9 pages.


1. First of all, you and your wife need to be on the same page. Lock step.

2. Take things away from him that he likes and good behavior will get them back. Good day at school? Get your favorite toy out MY TALL closet that only I can reach. I am YOUR BOSS. You answer to me. Ignore him as he cries and cries and cries. And by all means, tell your wife to NOT open the door to sooth him.

3. When he acts up, ask him why his heart is this way. If he cannot answer,
He needs to be punished if it happens again.



Read Paul David Tripp’s parenting.



Additionally I don’t have all the answers. My children are polite and say yes sir. However, my oldest cries during math homework. I just spent 9k at Huntington learning center.

This is all new to me as I’ve never had such a problem with schoolwork.

We’ve had her evaluated and it is not a learning disability. I beleive it’s a discipline problem. Again, the dad and mom need to be on the same page.


I go back to this because I was the disciplinary for all years. My wife wanted to be the fun one. I began to lose contact with my kids early on. When they would act up in a restaurant, my wife just assumed that I would discipline them, which I did. Finally, just like you I had a revelation where I said I’m not gonna do this anymore. And my son got up and walked right into the kitchen of a busy restaurant. My wife said are you going to get him? I said no if he walks into the deep fryer, he walks into the deep fryer. She bolted up and went to go get him.


My pastor is 7 years younger than me. Don’t care either. He’s got five kids that mind his every word. They are happy kids as well and we learned a lot from him. Disciplined kids are happy kids.

Undisciplined kids are miserable.


I have a LONG way to go. My oldest hasn’t hit thirteen yet. However, she knows the deal about discipline, and drugs.

I’ve not really begun the bids and bees yet.



I just want to say your kid is only three, you’re not too late but get him under control now.

We didn’t want to do it because they’re real quick to throw kids on meds and it goes in their medical record forever. Also, it wasn’t a problem in school or anywhere else other than home.

I was a firm believer that if he’s wired differently and this is a temporary problem that he needed to learn to control it and not go through life drugged up because some 22 yr old counselor wants to put a 5 yr old on brain altering medication.

We have had issues with our youngest and we’ve never had any luck with professionals. Teachers are VERY limited in what they can tell you and you’re left trying to solve for a problem no one “in the know” can acknowledge. arse whippings work on kids that don’t have issues, but that’s not what you’re dealing with. Our youngest is in his twenties and we still have issues with him. We’ve tried it all, literally we’ve tried everything.

It’s not a parenting issue - our oldest has never given us an issue you wouldn’t expect. He was raised in the exact same environment under the exact same circumstances.

I recommend you spend the time and effort to find the right counseling for you and your son. It’s not easy and most don’t want to deal with it. Let me know if you want a download from our experience and we can figure out a way to connect.

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This is from a PDF that my son’s pediatrician sent me about encouraging good behavior. We didn’t try it because he was around 8 at the time, and I didn’t think it would work as well. It would have worked very well for him at 4. Remember, he needs to know that every day is a chance to start fresh. I can’t stress how important that was for my son.

“Set up a point/token system for rewards and consequences. One effective method of encouraging your child to comply with your commands involves a jar and a supply of marbles. Each time your child does what you ask, put a marble in the jar. Each time he doesn't, take two marbles out of the jar. At the end of the day, he earns a small reward based on the number of marbles that remain in the jar, and then starts over again.”

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I have a friend who does this with his two girls (7 and 9) and swears by it. But they did start when they were younger.

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You’re a grown man. No 4 yr old should be punking you down. Get control of your house now or it will control you later. If your not firm and solid as an oak on your threats of punishment they will run all over you. My wife hates when she says a punishment in frustration and I hold her to it. Tell kid they have to sit with us at the gym all night, her tail is going to be sitting right by you. If you think he’s got issues talk to your pediatrician and fine a therapist.

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I don’t know if I’d take parental advice from someone who struggles with the English language like this

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Basically took away anything that wasn't a basic necessity including sweets, any kind of screen time, restaurants, etc. After about 3 months he finally got the message and started complying.

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Yeah, I tried that with my little hell raiser in 2nd grade. The problem is that once everything is gone, you have nothing left to take away. And once he realized that … we got the worst version of him that I’ve ever seen. He laughed in his teacher’s face when she threatened to send him to the principal’s office. He knows they can’t paddle him, and we had already taken everything away. He was goddamn untouchable. We reevaluated strategies after that.

Yeah, gotta agree. Male toddlers in particular can be incredibly manipulative and obnoxious.

Maybe another escalation step would be to follow him into his room, close the door, tower over him and deep voice him, let him know in no uncertain terms that while that shite might work with his mother you are done with it and will whip his arse if he doesn't knock it off.

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We'll set up an appt with an occupational therapist I suppose. Is that where you go?

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This is correct answer. Go see an OT, and look into sensory processing disorder, not a pediatrician. Dr's are great for diagnosing and treating illnesses. However, they are not the best when it comes to diagnosing and treating behavioral issues or other disorders.

He may be seeking sensory input. It won't be easy but if you put in the work you can get the desired outcome. Our son has was in similar situation at age 3, had it rough during grade school, but is currently kicking arse in high school. Almost straight A's taking honors classes and a two sport letterman at one of the best schools in BR.

I'm not saying this to brag on my kid but to let you know there is light at the end of tunnel.

I hate you are going through that, our oldest is a 4 year and while doesn't sound quite as difficult as what you are dealing with he has enough fit throwing moments and the same kind of fixation moments that it makes me wonder if we won't be discussing autism sooner than later. It can be exhausting and you feel entirely helpless when they get into that mode bc really anything you do just makes them angry and the only thing you can do is leave them alone until they calm down. Sometimes my wife can get him to chill out by doing what she calls a "bear hug" and just giving him a big tight hug for a minute but that doesn't work all the time

And to all of those who say "just whip the kids arse" I can say I used to think that way but having kids particularly young ones has taught me it isn't always the answer and it isn't always helpful. It can be helpful in the right situation and believe me I have done it but it isn't a magical cure all for all issues. Maybe once my kids get older there will be more and more situations where it's helpful