My real 10,000th *NSFW*

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Okay so it all started back when I was about 9 years old. I lived down the street from this old, decrepit warehouse. It was about 1 mile down the road from me at the end of a dead end street and a good half mile from the nearest structure, set off in some woods that had overgrown the end of the street over the past 75 years or so. Growing up we were always forbidden to go there due to some story my parents made up about kids being kidnapped in the area years ago.

Well one summer day I went playing in the neighborhood with my buddies and we decided to go there. It was getting close to dusk and we were a little scared but we went anyway. Made our way to the entrance and when the door opened, they all scattered and left me there alone. Next thing I knew I was in the dusty attic of this warehouse, crouching down and looking through a square hole in the attic floor, watching as Abraham Lincoln and George Washington cooked a huge pot of red beans over an open fire in the fireplace. I looked up and noticed my dad had found me, finally. I thought he was there to whip me and drag me back home. Surely I was going to be grounded. Just as I thought this, he raised his finger to his lips and said "shhhh". I wasn't supposed to let the former presidents know I was there. Just then I fell through the hole. George Washington grabbed me while Abe angrily removed the beans from atop the open fire. G boy put me over the fire as punishment. My back was getting burned and I withered in excruciating pain as Abraham Lincoln forced a solitary red bean into my mouth while George Washington held my mouth open.

At this moment the sky lit up with a bright white light. They ran outside to see what it was and at this point I escaped. I slid into the woods while they were distracted and somehow ended up on my driveway.

As I stood there on the driveway, still hurting and bleeding from my burns, I noticed this strange aircraft hovering high in the sky and lowering. As it lowered, more of it became visible. There were lighted windows across the entire craft. It was beautiful and mesmerizing. I knew it couldn't be good, though. I knew something bad was about to happen. Just as I thought maybe we were under attack, it happened. The bottom of this massive craft opened up and lasers began mowing down everything in their path. Explosions rattled the night sky on the horizon and they were getting closer to me. Frozen, I couldn't run. I was scared but wanted to see what else was going to happen. Somehow I knew it was the Russians. They began destroying not only our nation but the earth itself. Well played, Russia. Well played.

I dug myself into a trench in the back yard and stayed there until it was over. I awoke the next morning to red beans in a pot for breakfast and there Abe and George were - with a giant spoon full of red beans, making their way towards me with evil grins on their faces.

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Number of Posts:10000
Registered on:10/13/2011

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