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re: Mental Illness: What do you do with someone you love, but know needs help?
Posted on 4/15/18 at 6:59 pm to liz18lsu
Posted on 4/15/18 at 6:59 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
I think bipolar, schizophrenia
IMO, she has a tough and very personal choice to make. No one would fault her for saying that she can’t take care of her mom, especially if mom is resistant. But trying is definitely a valid decision.
If I were you, I’d just be there for her to listen. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer that you could give her.
0
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:01 pm to liz18lsu
This is the kind of damage that's caused when you don't allow Liz to start lunch/lnst threads.
You all need to stop bullying her. She's becoming depressed.
You all need to stop bullying her. She's becoming depressed.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:02 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
Interesting perspective, care to expound?
Not answering for Melvin but what I've seen is the cost of custodial care vs the quality of life for the dementia patient hits a tipping point. It's incredibly sad to say, or even think about. But in so many cases, death is so much more humane than life. There is tremendous profit in prolonging life. It's heartbreaking to see life wither at $3,500 per month just for accommodations not to mention the Part A and Part B/D costs.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:15 pm to Sao
I work in the physical therapy department and I agree that it’s a line that I have to face fairly often. It’s not extremely common but it’s definitely apparent when it happens. I went back to a facility that I was previously employed with recently and could not believe there was a patient that was still alive. Her limbs were completely contracted and she just lays in bed all day screaming/moaning and she was like that when I first treated her 8 months ago. It’s obviously not my place and I couldn’t imagine making any kind of decision but the quality of life is about as low as it could possibly be. One of those times where you hope that they pass just to stop the suffering.
That’s basically what I meant by staying grounded. I try not to let pride, ego, anger or anything like that consume my life because we are all destined for the same fate. My focus is to appreciate the people and moments that mean something to me and if I’m lucky enough to live long enough to have someone care about me to keep me comfortable when my time comes.
That’s basically what I meant by staying grounded. I try not to let pride, ego, anger or anything like that consume my life because we are all destined for the same fate. My focus is to appreciate the people and moments that mean something to me and if I’m lucky enough to live long enough to have someone care about me to keep me comfortable when my time comes.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:20 pm to Melvin
Sincerely admire you for keeping it together. I couldn't and we should be thankful we have a small subset of professionals left to help.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:25 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
think bipolar, schizophrenia
In her 50’s and bipolar? It’s hopeless. If she hasn’t got her shite together by now she never will. She is destined to be homeless under a bridge or cared for in a facility.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:45 pm to liz18lsu
I feel like there's 3 scenarios at play here:
1) She can continue her life as is, professionally and personally (taking care of her mother), and accept that it is going to be incredibly difficult, stressful and aggravating.
2) She can tone down her professional life and spend more time taking care of her mother
3) She can allow individuals who are more capable of taking care of her mother so she (your friend) can live her life
I've never been through this personally, and I cannot imagine having to make that decision. However, the choices are there, and she has to decide for both her and her mother.
Your friend can't sustain scenario 1 and it would be unfair to herself to consider option 2. From a non-emotionally invested and outside perspective, scenario 3 is likely the best course of action for both parties, IMO.
ETA: How big is the family? Is it just her or is everyone else in the family refusing to help?
1) She can continue her life as is, professionally and personally (taking care of her mother), and accept that it is going to be incredibly difficult, stressful and aggravating.
2) She can tone down her professional life and spend more time taking care of her mother
3) She can allow individuals who are more capable of taking care of her mother so she (your friend) can live her life
I've never been through this personally, and I cannot imagine having to make that decision. However, the choices are there, and she has to decide for both her and her mother.
Your friend can't sustain scenario 1 and it would be unfair to herself to consider option 2. From a non-emotionally invested and outside perspective, scenario 3 is likely the best course of action for both parties, IMO.
ETA: How big is the family? Is it just her or is everyone else in the family refusing to help?
This post was edited on 4/15/18 at 7:48 pm
Posted on 4/15/18 at 7:56 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
Tall, beautiful Cuban woman. Soft Spoken and smart.
Hows her kegel game?
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:08 pm to liz18lsu
Bipolar with psychosis, good news, it is treatable. Bad news, one must be compliant. She isn't. Protecting oneself from oneself by another, not going to happen. Best option might be allowing the situation to deteriorate resulting in a court ordered commitment but even at that compliance will be needed. She is in a no win situation and must find a way to insulate herself for the long term and hope Mom eventually burns out if refusal to comply continues.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:11 pm to deeprig9
quote:
Get the POA signed asap. Like yesterday. If she fights it, go to court. When the judge asks her what day it is, and she says potato, deal is done.
I dont know about other states, but in Louisiana it's difficult bordering on impossible to have someone involuntarily committed.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:11 pm to deeprig9
Double post
This post was edited on 4/15/18 at 8:14 pm
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:46 pm to Jim Rockford
Call an elder law firm. They can get it done. I assure you.
Eta they can also successfully navigate you through all the hoops and loopholes for getting fed money for long term care scenarios.
Eta they can also successfully navigate you through all the hoops and loopholes for getting fed money for long term care scenarios.
This post was edited on 4/15/18 at 8:50 pm
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:48 pm to liz18lsu
She single?
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:51 pm to liz18lsu
This is a tough one liz. If her mother is to the point where your friend can't care for her properly the answer would be putting her in a home, but if that isn't an option then she needs to find someone to help her.
There is no way someone can deal with that and manage her own life and not have a breakdown at some point.
She might have to commit her and trust that they will take care of her. She can at least go there on a regular basis to make sure she is being taken care of.
There is no way someone can deal with that and manage her own life and not have a breakdown at some point.
She might have to commit her and trust that they will take care of her. She can at least go there on a regular basis to make sure she is being taken care of.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 8:56 pm to OweO
In home care can also be a stepping stone in the early stages leading up to an eventual inpatient scenario.
Start with “visiting angels” type of care a few days a week so you can run errands and get shite done, maybe even take some time for yourself and drink margaritas somewhere.
After you install cameras in your house.
Start with “visiting angels” type of care a few days a week so you can run errands and get shite done, maybe even take some time for yourself and drink margaritas somewhere.
After you install cameras in your house.
This post was edited on 4/15/18 at 8:57 pm
Posted on 4/15/18 at 9:59 pm to liz18lsu
Tell her you can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of your self.
Those word were told to me when I was going through it with my dad. It stung like hell to hear it, but it made me realize I needed help dealing with it. Use whatever resources you can, do that way you can live your own life.
Those word were told to me when I was going through it with my dad. It stung like hell to hear it, but it made me realize I needed help dealing with it. Use whatever resources you can, do that way you can live your own life.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 10:02 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
She wouldn't allow them to commit her mom because she didn't trust they could take care of her.
Am I missing something?
Even under commitment, you can still stay close.
It’s not like you are out of sight completely as to what’s happening.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 10:21 pm to deeprig9
quote:
For my downvoters please know im going through this personally so gfy
I upvtd fyi. I don't really have any personal (thank god) experiences but I've seen people just get crushed by family members who can't get their shite together. In the end both the "sick" person and the healthy person suffer. It's harsh but people who can't manage on their own just need to die off. It's that or some healthy person is dedicating/wasting their life to taking care of someone who is no longer for this world.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 10:30 pm to liz18lsu
Does your work have an EAP(employee assistance program)? If they do...have your coworker access it to get some counseling for herself. I'm getting 8 therapy sessions paid for with my work's EAP to help me maintain my sanity in helping my mentally ill father. I'll continue going after the free ones are up...but just great to have some of the sessions free. Also...many EAPs will give you the 8 free sessions for EACH problem you are having.
A good therapist will also be able to suggest some resources your coworker can use to help her mother.
Sorry your friend is going through this. Having a mentally ill parent really can be a living nightmare. Some days you think "hey maybe they are getting better" then hours later you realize "yeah wtf was I thinking...they are getting worse". The biggest struggle I have to overcome is realizing that I can't necessarily fix him. Just like I couldn't fix my dad if he had cancer instead of this.
A good therapist will also be able to suggest some resources your coworker can use to help her mother.
Sorry your friend is going through this. Having a mentally ill parent really can be a living nightmare. Some days you think "hey maybe they are getting better" then hours later you realize "yeah wtf was I thinking...they are getting worse". The biggest struggle I have to overcome is realizing that I can't necessarily fix him. Just like I couldn't fix my dad if he had cancer instead of this.
Posted on 4/15/18 at 10:45 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
I have a young (26) coworker dealing with a severely ill mother. It is breaking her. They are Cuban, so having her committed wasn't an option (strong family ties). The mom is off her meds, getting lost, and her daughter, my coworker, is trying to help her mom. Mom is resentful, and angry towards my friend. My friend is in the midst of studying for the CPA and trying to hold it all together.
She said tonight "I feel like I am losing my mind with her."
What do you do with someone you love, but know needs help? She wouldn't allow them to commit her mom because she didn't trust they could take care of her.
Help your friend to get some help first and then the rest will work itself out.
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