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re: Married men- give advice to single men you'd NEVER say in front of your wife

Posted on 9/6/21 at 11:54 am to
Posted by mark65mc
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
11498 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 11:54 am to
Become familiar with “going incognito” on your internet searches.
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
9697 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 11:54 am to
quote:

You don’t need to be married for sex.


Who in their right mind gets married for sex?
Posted by Yeti_Chaser
Member since Nov 2017
11480 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 11:56 am to
quote:

TU Rob


Let it out baw
Posted by Cdawg
TigerFred's Living Room
Member since Sep 2003
61449 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:07 pm to
quote:

If she starts using emotional blackmail and changing the subject to personal attacks against you

Then you've married or dating an immature person.
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
9697 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:08 pm to
quote:

Women rarely admit to being wrong, and most of the times that they do, it’s a manipulative ploy to get you to agree to something they want that they don’t think you’d agree to without some buttering up. Women rarely admit they’re wrong unless they have to or it suits her separate agenda. They will always find a way to see themselves as the victim in every situation so that they can self-rationalize any and all negative behavior.


I feel very sorry for you if this is the case in your relationship.

By reading about 4 pages of this thread, some of yall really don't understand how relationships are supposed to work.

Penrod has it right.

quote:

What? That’s stupid as shite.

The advice I would give to other men, in front of my wife or otherwise, would be: Don’t listen to any man who classifies all women the same. Men who say things like, “Women never admit to being wrong” are seeing women through the prism of their own disappointments.

I have had a beautiful relationship, with a wonderful woman, since 1979. I think I could have had a similarly wonderful relationship with quite a few other women had I never met my wife. There are some bad ones, just as there are bad men. And I have known several men who have had great marriages to fantastic women.

My advice would be to find one of the many selfless women, and try to be selfless also. Always think of your woman’s best interests and place them above your own. Also, don’t beg for sex. If she doesn’t feel good, be understanding - then don’t ask for sex again until she asks for it. Contrary to what others on here will tell you, she WILL ask for it eventually. She will learn from that that she likes sex and she won’t be too casual about withholding it.


That is how a healthy person views a relationship.

This isn't a shite on everyone in the thread situation, I hope maybe someone can read this and understand that a change in perspective may do yall some good.

Especially that post about how women will work you to death, beat you down, and take all your money. I really feel bad for you that you have that opinion about all women because you got into a bad relationship. There are very good women out there, just like there are very good men. There are also very shitty women and men.

Man, it is both depressing and makes me grateful that I have the relationship with my wife that I do. We've been together 7 years now and every year I love her more. It seems like many of yall expect women to behave a specific way and if they differ even slightly they aren't worth the effort. Which is a very sad way to live. And the worst part is it's usually followed up with misogyny.

I'm going to give you a truth. Do what you will with it, argue, accept, call me a woman, call me gay by way of a joke, whatever you have to. But know it's the truth. Men are no better than women. Women are no better than men. A woman does not have a duty on this earth. A man does not have a duty on this earth. If you are in a bad relationship, it is not solely on one party. It takes two people to frick up a relationship. Look in the mirror.
Posted by chaso
clinton ms.
Member since Aug 2006
3188 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:13 pm to
Pets, have pets, but I love my kids , pets have pets
Posted by QJenk
Atl, Ga
Member since Jan 2013
17091 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:13 pm to
I love my wife with all my heart. But it maddens me so much when she complains that I'm being too logical, and I need to learn to be more emotional with her.

How tf can being logical be considered a bad thing.

Let me also add this. I'm not perfect. My wife does have her particular ways that drive me crazy at times. But at the same time, there are certain things about me that drives her crazy as well sometimes.

No matter how much she makes me mad sometimes, I would still kill somebody to protect her.
This post was edited on 9/6/21 at 12:20 pm
Posted by QJenk
Atl, Ga
Member since Jan 2013
17091 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:17 pm to
You got a lot of downvotes but you are completely right.
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
9697 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:18 pm to
quote:

How tf can being logical be considered a bad thing.


This can be a trait of someone with high functioning autism.

I don't see how she comes to the conclusion that you're being too logical, and you don't step back and try to look at the bigger picture, such as how she might be feeling or why she is preferring an emotional reaction to a logical one.

Just stop, take a breath, put yourself into her shoes. Maybe, despite logic, emotions would pull you in the opposite direction.

You can give in to your emotions. It's an okay thing to do.
This post was edited on 9/6/21 at 12:20 pm
Posted by moontigr
Commanders/LA Kings/Detroit Tigers
Member since Nov 2020
6961 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:22 pm to
Butt sex is overrated
Posted by Jim Rockford
Member since May 2011
104159 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:26 pm to
If she badmouths her relative, don't join in. Just don't. Be sympathetic, but don't say, "yeah, your brother is a real a-hole.". He's still her kinfolk and she's likely to close ranks against you, the outsider. There are exceptions, but this is how it plays out more often than not.
Posted by billjamin
Houston
Member since Jun 2019
16358 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:27 pm to
Something I will say in front of both my current and ex wife:
Don’t marry a bulimic with crippling anxiety and depression from childhood abuse that has continued at the hands of her mother to adulthood that refuses to get help, self medicates and projects all her issues onto everyone around her as a way to distract herself from how terrible her life is. And for gods sake don’t have a kid with her because the fricked up Louisiana judicial system will keep her as domiciliary parent just because she’s his mother.

That’s the best advise I can give.
Posted by molsusports
Member since Jul 2004
37001 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:28 pm to
Unfortunately there are a lot of things stacked up against the prospect of a happy long term marriage. This is probably more true for younger people and older unmarried or divorced.

The easy availability of sex for young women and for the top ten percent of men is the first issue. Being promiscuous is fun in the short term but reduces its emotional value and the conscious importance of it as something that may create a baby that requires decades of support.

The old Chris Rock routine in which he proclaimed men are as faithful as their options was viewed as telling an ugly truth about male nature in a funny way. And it was, but he (and most people) didn't consider the next problem. Women are functionally the same. They have affairs and the percentage of men who are unknowingly raising another man's genetic offspring is shockingly high.

Women also frequently initiate divorce because they financially benefit from the family courts favoritism towards women. Around 80% of American divorces are initiated by women - and that number increases with your affluence or her educational status (when a woman with a college degree goes through divorce she initiated the process more than 80% of the time).

So that means you need to protect yourself by only marrying a woman who has equal financial assets to put at risk and if there are children you can only safely live where children's custody is split evenly as a default legal decision.

Those things aren't romantic but romance is about placing the needs of a woman above the needs of the man- and when that puts you at a disadvantage in the family court you aren't buying her flowers, you are agreeing to be put into the servitude of a woman who now hates you.

If the family court systems were to be completely overhauled with custody being shared as a default and alimony limited then maybe that can change but I don't think that's likely so I wouldn't recommend it to any man who asked me my opinion. Unless she's Kelly Clarkson or Oprah she has an unequal playing field and a culture that undermines long term monogamous marriage.


Posted by Norbert
Member since Oct 2018
3554 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:36 pm to
quote:

Who in their right mind gets married for sex?


Do you live in the South, baw?

Lots of couples are somewhat pushed to get married because one or both of the pairs of parents won't accept the lovebirds even sleeping in the same room. I've seen grown men and women in their late 20s have to hide that from their parents. Or go on a family vacation and have to book separate hotel rooms. It's hilarious. And sad.
This post was edited on 9/6/21 at 12:38 pm
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
9697 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:49 pm to
quote:

Do you live in the South, baw?

Lots of couples are somewhat pushed to get married because one or both of the pairs of parents won't accept the lovebirds even sleeping in the same room. I've seen grown men and women in their late 20s have to hide that from their parents. Or go on a family vacation and have to book separate hotel rooms. It's hilarious. And sad.


Born and raised in Alexandria, LA

Never subscribed to that garbage. My mom knew I was having sex in HS. She didn't encourage it, but she certainly knew there was nothing she could do to stop it.

When my wife and I got together we officially moved in together after about a year and her dad was a little different. He didn't like it and he was vocal about us having 2 bedroom apartments. And we pretty blatantly told him that was not going to happen. We weren't being disrespectful, but I was 24 and she was 26. It's not really his business what our living arrangement is as long as he isn't funding us. Which he wasn't.

If someone is uncomfortable about a living situation/sexual relationship because they've been brought up to be that way, whether its due to religion or societal pressures, is their own issue.
Posted by slacker130
Your mom
Member since Jul 2010
8924 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 12:58 pm to
quote:

subtle I'm the only pilot in the history of professional aviation that doesn't have multiple marriages brag



Haha. My career is far from the norm though. The last 10 years, I've probably only averaged 10 nights away a year.

She's also one in a million. (in case she reads this)
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
69210 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 1:01 pm to
There’s a huge difference between how relationships are supposed to work and how they actually work. Men and women have been raised in a culture that teaches them to be selfish and toxic. There’s a lot of bad traits folks can pick up through dating that they have to, more or less, unlearn for a marriage to be successful. Some of these techniques seem ridiculous, but it’s only because they’re necessary to foster the kind of communication and trust to take a faltering relationship between flawed people and turn it into a healthy one with mature people.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
464968 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 1:15 pm to
quote:

I don't see how she comes to the conclusion that you're being too logical, and you don't step back and try to look at the bigger picture, such as how she might be feeling or why she is preferring an emotional reaction to a logical one.

Well, because logical reactions are always superior to emotional reactions.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
464968 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 1:18 pm to
quote:

Men and women have been raised in a culture that teaches them to be selfish and toxic.

With one of the most toxic parts of this being when confronted with toxic and/or selfish behavior, to avoid any existential analysis and just irrationally avoid any admission of this fact

*ETA: that statement above is for both sexes
This post was edited on 9/6/21 at 1:26 pm
Posted by cgrand
HAMMOND
Member since Oct 2009
46236 posts
Posted on 9/6/21 at 1:21 pm to
quote:

And the worst part is it's usually followed up with misogyny.

rampant, and this place is utopia compared to most of the internet and the overall discussion. Points of view have become a combat sport and the the imposition of power the overriding concern

I would not want to be a woman in today’s society.
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