re: Male fatigue

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It's the experience of being treated like a plaything by mediocre men looking for an ego boost over and over for years.

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After reading this, it’s possible that you’re an OT 9 and just getting the “move” every time you’re around men. Maybe they’re helpless around you.

It happens to me around female coworkers and it does get exhausting.

I’m thinking of getting into hot yoga, that should help with my stamina. No idea what your thing is

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Or plot to systemically bang each female coworker.

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I bet HR loves dealing with your complaints.

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How?

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I'll show you- just don't take it as me picking on you because I'm not.

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Maybe ten days after giving birth, he called repeatedly and asked me to meet him for dinner. I declined because I literally just had a baby. He insisted, saying he wanted to discuss an “opportunity.” I eventually agreed to meet him on campus.

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He bugged you, repeatedly... you played nice, he insisted... you relented.

How many interactions did it take for him to get what he wanted? I'm going to guess at least five. Let's say it was five... you taught him it takes five interactions of persistence to get you to bend.

I'm going to copy paste the ways you rewarded him, even though I know you didn't feel like that's what you were doing. Again, not picking on you- men and women communicate differently, it is what it is.

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I eventually agreed to meet him on campus.
I said we could explore it when the time came.
I expressed polite interest,
while I was driving to the interview
I texted him that things were hectic and told him we would catch up after Thanksgiving..

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In between all of that, you said no several times and it seems like you weren't interested... but doing the things posted above gave him encouragement that you WERE interested. Mixed signals. When we send mixed signals people tend to pick the ones that align with their desired outcome.

Go to the library, check out The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker... it will open your eyes to this type of dynamic and many, many more that exist between men and women. It is about learning your own inner voice and HONORING it.

Let me ask you this- looking back on the whole thing, what do YOU wish you'd have done differently? When and how did it go off the rails?

eta... I've dealt with the same type of situations, it's not in your head- but neither is it nefarious on the man's part, it is just the difference in male vs female communication standards and habits.

Certainly playing an online victim will pay off for you in the long run

Hi Cubbies. I hope you are well. I am also glad you are employed-times are tough out there. Reading the OP, I don't doubt that you got low balled, or that it had to do with him thinking you would work cheaper because you are a woman. That certainly happens. But I would suggest to you that it happens to men too-frequently in fact-including me. Also, at my age, -age is also likely to play in-because an employer might think they have you for a shorter time to work. So, they don't want to invest as much in.

Now why you would be "fatigued" with men is really your problem. I can't help you there. I'm "fatigued" with a specific kind of woman myself-the mentally ill, anti-depressant-gobbling, Progressive white woman variety. I would literally not hire them were they to interview with me, because they are HIGHLY likely to be difficult to work with in the business environment. And I value a peaceful working environment.

Good luck and have gratitude that you have employment.

Might have better luck playing the online heckler? How is working out for you?

I hope you made all this up as a troll.


Very simple to block his #.

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Maybe a year ago, I relented but I texted him last week telling him I wasn’t willing to speak to him. I didn’t even respond to the multiple text messages he sent in response to mine saying we can catch up after thanksgiving. I don’t think that’s relenting.

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I don't know anything but what you posted... it sounds like it's over now and that's good.

My only purpose is replying in this thread was to gently point out that sometimes women let things blur rather than be "the bitch"... I quoted the places from your OP that look as though you relented a few times.

Women aren't as firm as they could or should be in situations like these. We worry about hurting feelings or relationships, or looking like a cold bitch, or many times just genuinely wanting to be nice. Men aren't as burdened by those constraints.

Bitch, I didn't do anything. Don't be lumping me in with the assholes that constantly seem to be in your life.