re: Lighten Up with Laughter: Do your part, with a joke!

I assume most have heard this one

Rabbi and a priest are walking down the street when a small boy steps out in front of them.

The priest nudges the rabbi and whispers "we should screw him," to which the rabbi replies - "out of what?"

What’s the hardest part about rollerblading?



Telling your parents your gay.

Know why women close their eyes during sex?

Can't stand to see a man enjoying himself!

quote:

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door?
Matt

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the water?
Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your mailbox?
Bill

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?
Phil

What do you call two men with no arms or legs in your shower?
Curt and Rod

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What do you call an Irishman with no arms or legs in the back yard?

Paddy O'Furniture

There was this man named Dave who was constantly bragging at work how he literally knew everyone. Whenever a name was dropped by a coworker, Dave always responded with "Hey, I know him". Dave was once again bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his incessant boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"Oh, Tom and I are old friends." His boss, wanting to call his bluff, flew the two of them out to Hollywood and they go knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,

"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

The boss is very impressed, but is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Trump," his boss quickly retorts. (this was in 2018)

"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.

At the White House, Trump spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies, after thinking for a moment.

"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, waving to the crowd, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and I heard a voice behind me ask, 'Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?'

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer and a mop."

Two nuns riding bicycles back to the convent after mass decided to take an alternate route.

One nun says to the other “I’ve never come this way before”.

The other nun says “It’s the cobblestones”.

A bishop, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender says there's been an emergency and we need a blood donation. The rabbit says, use mine. I'm a typo.

A guy has trouble remember names, but he heard that if you are introduced to someone, just repeat their name a few times and it will stick in your head.

He met a guy at a party. When he asked the guy's name, the guy said, "I'm Jathan". He thought...that's an odd name...not Jason, not Nathan...but Jathan. So he said, "Hey, Jathan. It's nice to meet you, Jathan. So, Jathan, tell me about yourself".

The other guy looked at him and said, "Are you thitting me?"